Elvis has nothing to do with anything this week. But if you know what the title references, you’re smarter than some people around here. If you don’t know what it references, ha ha!
Saturday we, the Little Woman and I, dumped the boys off at Mom and Dad’s. I mean, to enrich our dear children’s lives by exposing them to a multi-generational home environment, we dumped them off at Mom and Dad’s. We had to dump them off at Mom and Dad’s because there seems to be some sort of rule or law or something that says you can’t just leave your kids at home with an extra dish of kibble in case they get hungry. Like my folks did to me when I was a kid. Not even if you lock them in their closet to they can’t play with the steak knives in the kitchen. Parenting is so hard these days. So we dumped the boys off with Mom and Dad. Then we caught a movie.
This was a Big Deal, the movie. We haven’t been able to go catch a movie in a long time. Not that there were just a whole slew of movies out we wanted to see so bad we couldn’t want til they came out on video so we could watch them in the comfort and privacy of our own home where we can hit the “pause” button whenever we want to get something to eat or go pee. (Not that the Little Woman ever does anything so crude as “pee”. Any peeing would be committed by me, a less refined boy-type person.) But we had movie passes and, more importantly Mom and Dad we could dump the boys off on, so we went and saw a movie.
And had lunch out. Having lunch out is in some ways a bigger deal than the movie. This was lunch out without the boys. Which means no one had to watch that anyone was about to dump their lemonade down their front or make sure that everyone was eating their lunch and not just playing with it and we didn’t have to make sure there was something on the menu (the Big Board over the counter person’s head usually) that everyone would eat. There was also much less punching and kicking. We didn’t go anywhere super-special, just Panera’s for sandwiches, but it was peaceful grown-up time. And we said “Ha ha! Those aren’t our kids!” when we heard other parents out with their darling little snot factories.
The movie was nice. Cheaper By the Dozen. It had some funny parts, and some sappy parts, but most importantly it had Bonnie Hunt. Bonnie Hunt is my new Celebrity Crush. (So Bonnie, if you’re out there, e-mail me!) It used to be Shego, Kim Possible’s nemesis. (Yeah, I’d like to make her an arch-nemesis. Heh heh heh…) She’s so pretty with her raven locks and her perky “can do” attitude. But on the downside, she’s just a cartoon character. But on the upside she has energy bolts that come out of her hands. You know that would be a Good Thing, as long as they have a “low” setting. But now she’s “Out” and Bonnie is “In”. And Bonnie has the definite advantage of being a Real Person. Even if she doesn’t have energy bolts coming out of her hands. But nobody’s perfect.
Oh, and the other good thing in the movie is Ashton Kutcher gets his crotch chomped on by a Pit Bull. Any movie that has Ashton Kutcher getting his crotch chomped on by a Pit Bull is a Good Movie. Heck, they could have a TV show “Ashton Kutcher Gets His Crotch Chomped” and it would be an instant classic. (On FOX, of course.) I don’t think they should use a Pit Bull every week because that could give people the wrong idea about Pit Bulls. That they just wait to chomp you on the crotch. Which they don’t. The wait to chomp Ashton Kutcher on the crotch. Pitt Bulls are just Good Dogs. Maybe one week they could get a whole pack of Weiner Dogs to chomp Ashton Kutcher’s crotch. That would be a good episode too. You wouldn’t even need to waste time with credits or a theme song or scenes from next week’s episode. Just 22 minutes of dogs chomping Ashton Kutcher’s crotch.
Finally, as all good things must eventually come to an end, we had to go back and pick up the boys. There were much tears when we pulled away from Mom and Dad’s house. I think the boys and the grandparents were a little upset too.
-Rue.
