Well, uh, er… I thought maybe we could post some ideas we’ve had for movies- doesn’t have to be serious -under the agreement that if anyone steals one and writes a blockbuster we will provide witness? Not that that is going to ever happen…
I’ll start off: The next disaster movie- imagine the apocalypse comes, but instead of being a Christian or Islamic version, it turns out to be the end as prophesied by an almost dead Native American religion. Parts of the earth split open as spiritual wolves come out of them and round up mankind and slaughter resisters. The true holders of the faith, scattered around the world, must now tell the world what these gods have in store. Kinda funny, cause it points out how religions always die and how ‘god’ and his plans don’t really exist.
A remake of the Hepburn/Tracy classic Pat & Mike starring Sean Connery and Britney Spears
Ashton Kutcher in a biopic of Charles Darwin
Paul Reubens in a film version of King Lear with the Olsen Twins and Beyonce as his daughters
A new series of Gidget movies done by Quentin Tarantino with comeback roles for Mr. T, Robert Blake and Jennifer Grey
A sequel to Children of a Lesser God in which Marlee Matlin’s character has become a kickboxing nun
A remake of In the Heat of the Night starring Robin Williams and Chris Rock le (“Have you ever noticed that when white folks do a murder investigation… they…” or a remake of its sequel starring Dave Chapelle entitled I’m Mr. Tibbs, Bitch!
Weekend Update: the Movie since it’s the best thing on the show and Michaels has done everything else.
Any of the following biopics: George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic, Nat Turner, Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis, Mayor Harold Washington (or DC’s Marion Berry), Jesse Owens.
h, I didn’t realize this thread was supposed to be farcial. Oops.
Okay, make that biopics of Morris Day and The Time, Truck Turner, Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley, Atlanta Mayor Maynard Jackson and Strom Thurmond: The Musical.
I want to do an epic, semi-fictional, but historically accurate book/screenplay/movie about Jesus of Nazareth’s misssing years. You know, when he wandered East as part of a trading caravan and spent most of his twenties in Tibet, Nepal, and India as a Buddhist monk…
Detailing his adventures and spiritual awakening under his mysterious rinpoche master and the tragic romance that he has with a moghuls daughter…
You think The Last Temptation of Christ caused an uproar?!
I can see it now: current weekend updaters (whoever they are) lose their jobs, have identity crises, and eventually get better ones. Peppered with plenty of update alumni cameos, especially Kevin Nealon since he has nothing better to do.
Another farcical martial-arts escapade. This one is one part Meaning of Life and one part bruce lee, but with less fancy moves. In fact, every fight involves dead people (in the afterlife, not zombies) and ranges from the outright humorous to dead serious, from Highlander to Jackie Chan to a knock-down drag-out megabrawl with no Wu-Xia stuff at all. Along with a huge hearty helping of eclectic historical jokes, odd one-liners, and the occasional situaiton comedy.
And the director and writers being savaegely beaten by the cast and crew, all of whom appear in the movie at some point, often as themselves.
Attn: Hollywood! I am available throguh the email address listed in my profile!
Not quite the thread I’d intended ;). Still though, any ideas that people would actually like to see made into a movie (besides Jesus: The Early Years)? How about television show? Maybe some nice mod can change the title to ideas for films/shows? I had an idea for a show that would be all about the Bible- but with no religion or Biblical verses in it! Every episode would draw from some part of the book (and possibly the apocrypha, I ain’t sure), and a cast of young characters and the town and events surrounding them. This isn’t veggie tales, and I am absolutely opposed to religion; there is no biblical purpose to the show, except maybe to reward the culturaly-literate viewer each week!. It takes old material and other religious concepts and reinvents them into new stories, like 12 gangs in a war who ‘parallel’ (lol) the twelve tribes of Israel, and an ecstacy club scam reminiscent of, well, the Catholic church?
The forthcoming The New World (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0402399/) apparently tells the story of First Contact between Indians and Europeans (in Virginia) at least partly from the POV of the Indians. I’d like to the the story of Columbus told that way: The first half-hour of the film takes place on the island of Hispaniola, familiarizing us with Indian characters and their culture and relationships and setting in motion several subplots – all of which are abruptly overtuned when these three strange huge boats come over the horizon. (Much of this would have to be speculative – the Carib Indians were so thoroughly devastated by colonization that little is known about their culture.)
Cool! That reminds me of another movie idea I briefly had that kind of went away b/c of the sheer historical innacuracy of it (darn, is this whole thread about me posting my own ideas? If I were you dopers I’d remedy this ). I had been misled once by a really knowledgable guy who claimed that the Romans came close to sending an expedition across the Atlantic from, Spain I think?, but had to recall it for some reason or another, and later fell of course. He claims they would have made it to the New World like we did, and he has a theory of how they would have effectively moved the Nat. Am. off the land and occupied Nor Am. (I’ll spare the details).
He goes on to claim that this would change the course of history b/c when the rest of Rome fell, as it did, this Roman territory would live on and thrive, continuing to dominate the world (this guy loved Roman culture, fyi ), and by 1200 would have invented the car, and by now would be colonizing Mars.
I went on a site called able2know and asked about it. They’d never heard of such an expedition. They said the Roman ships could never have made such a journey, b/c their ships sucked. And all the rest of his ideas- well, kinda loony. But still, my idea for a movie is one that shows a brief glimpse of modern history as if this had happened- Rome ruled the world, created all the technology. It would be like the Altman movie ‘Nashville,’ with many interlocking characters and stories in this Roman america, like the diplomatic congressman and his teenage daughter, a scientist etc., to give you a good sense of this reality.
Well, they were good enough for intra-Mediterranean travel. Problem is, they relied on oar power (from free rowers or galley slaves) and they never developed wind-sailing technology very far. You couldn’t row a galley across the Atlantic, all those rowers need to eat and drink and you’d run out of food and water too soon. In the Mediterranean you can always find a port nearby and resupply.
Scene opens, Jesus and the Apostles are gathered at the Last Supper table. Idle conversation and movement. Peter turns to Jesus and asks " Master, last night we fell asleep while you were praying in Gethsemane. Did everything go alright?"
Music starts and Jesus opens his mouth but we hear Gloria Gaynor.
At first I was afraid, I was pertrified…
There’s a pause just before the chorus and the actors freeze for one moment in the classic DaVinci LAst Supper pose. Then break into disco danceing as JEsus turns to Judas and sings
" Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you’re not welcome anymore
weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I’d crumble
you think I’d lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
I’ve got all my love to give
and I’ll survive
I will survive"
You know, I’ve toyed with an AH idea along those lines myself – involving the Greeks, not the Romans. The Greeks were aggressive colonizers – and when they established a colony city, in most cases it was immediately independent of the mother city (although a certain loyalty was still expected). But Greek colonization in the western Mediterranean was effectively halted when they lost a key naval battle to the Etruscans (or maybe the Phoenicians?) in the vicinity of Sardinia, IIRC (forget the date). If that battle had gone the other way, perhaps the Greeks would have continued west, going beyond Gibraltar and colonizing the Atlantic coasts of what are now Spain and Morocco – and perhaps further, if they invented sailing technology comparable to 15th-Century Europe’s in our timeline. Being independent, their colonies would not have been directly affected by whatever happened back in old Hellas. Even if the Persians won the Battle of Salamis, the Greek colonies to the west would have continued to thrive and grow (and might have welcomed Greek refugees from the East). Ultimately, the Hellenic Ekumene might have spread around the world, providing a seaborne line of commerce and communication between other otherwise isolated civilized regions – India, China, Mesoamerica and the Andes – and any new technology would have spread around the world, via the Hellenes, within a century or two of its invention. This would not have led to a Greek-ruled world, but a world where Greek was the universal language of wider communication and where no civilization was distinctly superior to another in technology.
-under the agreement that if anyone steals one and writes a blockbuster we will provide witness? Not that that is going to ever happen… 
