Because I can do innocently do something that inadvertently hurts some hypersensitive person’s feelings, apologize for it but have every intention of doing it again (since I don’t know the scope of my audience), and it can still be an apology.
Well, I disagree. Glad we worked that out, have a nice day.
I think this is more like someone getting hit during a friendly playground game, where you apologize for the fact that the person got hurt, but you don’t necessarily think that everyone should stop playing the game forever.
Yes, you skinned your knee, and I’m (genuinely) sorry that you skinned your knee when I bumped into you, but we’re still going to play kickball, and I’m not sorry that I like playing kickball, and I’m not a bad person for liking kickball.
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I don’t post, or even lurk much here anymore. So I had no idea we had a moderator named “Idle Thoughts.” Nor did I have any clue which gender this person PMing me is. Nor do I have any fucks to give about it, one way or the other.
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I would not have given a single thought in regard to which gender anyone on this board might be, moderator or not. I can’t imagine why I should give any fucks at all.
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The message did not make sense to me because it said, “I can see you’re online.” Nope, you couldn’t. Because I did not go to SDMB at all yesterday. Not once. I was slammed at work and did not fuck around on the internet at all.
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To Idle Thoughts: You can do better. I expect much more of you next time. Think it through. Plan it out. You’ve got a whole year to put together a flawless prank next time. Up your game. This one is dumb and your story about “if you knew me, you’d see why this is funny.” It’s still not. I don’t even think it’s offensive, or even in poor taste. It’s just… dumb. So, get to work, buddy. There’s a lot going on between now and April 1, 2016.
If you read Idle’s prank PM and thought it had anything to do with transgenderism, you are indeed in Bizarro-land.
Oh my god. No, that is not what I thought. That was specifically in response to Idle Thoughts’ post earlier in this thread in which he said that it was so crazy for his aunt or whoever to think he could be a girl when she’s known that he’s a boy for his entire life.
This kinda summarizes the whole thread. Bizarro world indeed.
At this point, I think there’s only one realistic thing left to do… someone needs to take Idle out back and shoot him. Then put his head on a pike at the entrance to the Straight Dope as a warning to any further would be pranksters.
Truly, it’s the only way.
Of course it “has something to do” with transgender issues, though admittedly tangentially.
It presented itself as a case in which someone identifies to themselves as one gender while presenting to others as a different gender, and was confessing this to someone–a significant situation faced by many transgender people and their friends very regularly.
I would prefer the personal visit in sackcloth, with the blonde wig and the make-up in addition to the ashes. I wasn’t offended, but I’d like to see this.
I was one who got suckered in yesterday and, while not especially bothered or needing an apology, didn’t find it funny at the time to be the butt of a joke. Now that a day has passed and I’ve seen people’s responses here, I’ve changed my view a little. I still don’t think it was particularly creative or funny, but I can see the humor in the responses of people who got the joke and responded in kind. So in that respect, yeah I guess it’s an OK prank. Not classic or memorable, but fine.
But the only humor in the people who believed it and sent a heartfelt response is “hur hur, look how stupid he is!” and the opportunity to feel superior because you didn’t get suckered in. If you want to view them as collateral damage, then fine, jokes offend some people, them’s the breaks. But making them the point of the joke is a pretty lame type of humor. It isn’t some generic group of people off board we’re ridiculing, it’s specific posters we interact with frequently (and ridiculing them in ATMB, no less).
I fully agree that some people took it too seriously or were overly sensitive out of proportion to the affront. But pointing and laughing at them is just…odd. If you really think they are deserving of the ridicule, do it in the appropriate place and open a Pit thread to make fun of them. See how quickly it turns back on you.
I think Idle Thoughts handled it fine. He apologized to the people who were offended, and his apology was for his actions, not a “sorry you couldn’t take a joke.” I think it’s valid to apologize for the inadvertent collateral damage and genuinely feel bad about that without regretting the overall action. He hasn’t made the suckers the butt of the joke.
Yeah, Ms. Whatsit, that’s what I understand about apologies, too.
Those who feel it is perfectly okay to say that others “shouldn’t be hurt,” I am curious about how you feel when others tell you that you should or shouldn’t feel a particular emotion. Is that EVER helpful?
I for one think it is terribly wrong for someone to let internet strangers think they are one gender when they are actually the other. So all the females that let the internet strangers assume they are male because they do not want to be inundated with, “lol, show us your titties.” need to out themselves and apologize to the internet strangers.
This clearly upsets many many internet strangers as Idle’s example shows.
It’s about the overreaction that some displayed.
Do you think “Don’t contact me again, about anything ever” is a proportionate response to the joke?
I personally think it’s an overreaction, but my opinion of it isn’t really important.
So given this reaction from someone, what do you think is the appropriate response on your part? Internally roll your eyes? Fine. Point them out to everyone so we can all laugh? Then Pit them.
Or maybe just think “huh, that’s disproportionate to me” and move on. Or maybe have some compassion. Just a thought.
Me too. Idle is a good guy, but hell, if he went drag on a dare… why not this too?
Huh, Idle?!
Seeing as I find myself with rare time on my hands: you are right about all the statements that have “if” in them. Absolutely - those are non apologies.
You’re mistaken about the one with “to” in it. “I’m sorry to those who got mad” is a little chunkily worded, but can be understood as “To those who got mad, I’m sorry”. See, this thread is evidence that some dopers found it funny, others found it stupid but benign, and others got offended/mad. See, those who found it funny and those who found it stupid but benign don’t need to be apologized to. I fall in the middle group, and don’t feel the need for an apology. So why would she apologize to me?
And “to” is what Idle used in her apologies. Or at least the ones I read. And I don’t have so much time on my hands I’ll go through the others to closely read them. 
Yes, that’s exactly how I read it. He was directly speaking to that audience at that point to demonstrate that he heard that he upset them. He took the apology from the broad group to the specific. I found it appropriate and not an example of weasel words.
But what about the people who wanted her to apologize to “all the members here” ? Was her apology sufficient for them?
Oh dear, I just know the referring to me as a female is gonna be a constant thing now. But it’s a grave I’ve dug myself, so I can’t complain, haha.