If all Chinese jumped at once, would cataclysm result?

[anarchist]

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_155.html
Dear Cecil,

After thoroughly enjoying your answer to this ridiculous question, I was also a bit frightened by your thinking. Quite simply, if all 1,000,000,000 Chinese, give or take 27,000,000, were somehow able to materialize atop chairs without their having to elevate themselves thereto, I don’t believe the first question I might ask is whether or not the Earth was slightly thrown out of orbit. Instead, I think the world would begin to look at the Chinese with a new perspective, and at the same time begin digging holes in their backyards to prepare for some form of the apocalypse. Therefore, I think you are insane. =D --Ali, TN

[Gymnopithys]

@anarchist

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_155.html
Dear Cecil,

After thoroughly enjoying your answer to this ridiculous question, I was also a bit frightened by your thinking. Quite simply, if all 1,000,000,000 Chinese, give or take 27,000,000, were somehow able to materialize atop chairs without their having to elevate themselves thereto, I don’t believe the first question I might ask is whether or not the Earth was slightly thrown out of orbit. Instead, I think the world would begin to look at the Chinese with a new perspective, and at the same time begin digging holes in their backyards to prepare for some form of the apocalypse. Therefore, I think you are insane. =D --Ali, TN

Glad you resurrected that masterpiece. But calling uncle Cece “insane” is surely going to rouse the ire of all his faithful followers. They’re lurking around the corner to jump on you. Or so I hope.

[user_hostile]

Well, the population is now more like 1.3 billion. I would expect you to be 30% more frighten. Or perhaps Unca Cecil is 30% more insane? :dubious:

[Wee_Bairn]

Actually good on the OP for exposing yet another ridiculously answered SD column- why is the original question retarded? It isn’t. And does CA pull the 500 tons equivalent out of his ass? Usually when you say something like that, its good to show your work, otherwise it looks like you just made it up. Why “answer” a question you can’t answer in the first place?

And as for the going up cancels out the coming down- oh really? If a 500 pound guy climbs up a ladder, and jumps down, the result is cancelled out? On what planet?

[John_W.Kennedy]

@Wee Bairn

And as for the going up cancels out the coming down- oh really? If a 500 pound guy climbs up a ladder, and jumps down, the result is cancelled out? On what planet?

Every planet, unless you’re willing to give up the law of conservation of energy.

[Wee_Bairn]

@John W. Kennedy

Every planet, unless you’re willing to give up the law of conservation of energy.

I’m no physics guy- you’re saying the effect of a 500 pound guy stepping onto a chair would cancel out his resulting enormous thud when he jumps off the chair and lands?

[Chronos]

Yes, exactly, in so far as the center of mass of the guy-Earth system would not be affected at all by either portion of the operation.

[mwbrooks]

@Chronos

Yes, exactly, in so far as the center of mass of the guy-Earth system would not be affected at all by either portion of the operation.

True, but taking the guy and Earth separately, the Earth would shift imperceptibly as the guy climed the ladder, then shift back more-or-less the exact same amount as he jumped off and hit the ground.

A physicist named Alan Lightman wrote one of my favorite statements along this line, many years ago. I can’t remember his exact words, but to paraphrase: When a ballerina leaps in the air, the rest of the Earth moves the other way. That motion may be far too small to measure, but it is always just right.