If browsing for condoms as a couple at the supermarket , please...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

[QUOTE=Dangerosa]
On the plus side, at least they are blocking aisles in the grocery store and not out on the streets having long conversations with other drivers from inside their CARS!!!

(Goddamn blocking the road in order to chat…someone pulls up behind you and can’t get by because there are two people IN CARS taking up the whole goddamn road, but does either one of you have the common courtesy or brains to figure out that people maybe want to DRIVE on the road!)
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I call those episodes Georgia Conferences-because I noticed a mess of them when I went to college up there. But they always seem to occur between folks of a certain age or older (Dad’s age and up). Dayam, folks, exchange phone numbers and move it along! This a road, not a bar.
Yes, this is one of my pet peeves, can you tell?

22

[QUOTE=CairoCarol]
Heh heh. For years hubby and I lived in out-of-the-way locations where we couldn’t buy condoms and many other useful drugstore items. As a result, when we’d be back in the US loading up our suitcases with stuff to take back, we’d end up with drug store shopping carts like this:

24 extra value-pack boxes of condoms
15 boxes of tampons
6 tubes of lubricant
4 packages of Monostat
6 boxes of Ex-lax

…etc…

Of course, that would be a two-year supply, and some of it was “just in case” stocking up on the off chance I did get a yeast infection or something, but still.

I wonder what the people at the checkout counter thought.
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I worked at a grocery store. I would bet anything that the clerk’s only thoughts were, “I wonder when my next break is?” and, “I hope this asshole (any customer, not you) does not have a bunch out-of-date coupons.”

23

[QUOTE=Lynn Bodoni]

Anyone got any suggestions? Practical suggestions, that won’t get me charged with assault?
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I’ve seen some fairly large shock collars.

24

[QUOTE=Lynn Bodoni]
IHe will STILL pull his cart up to mine, completely blocking the aisle, when he wants to talk to me for whatever reason. I tell him to put his cart behind mine and then come up to me (we’re both a bit hard of hearing, and it’s easier for us to chat together when we face each other) but that only works THAT TIME.
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I guess it’s because I’m single and don’t have kids yet, but… two carts? How much food do you get in a single grocery run?

25

[QUOTE=Antigen]
I guess it’s because I’m single and don’t have kids yet, but… two carts? How much food do you get in a single grocery run?
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Oh, we just get less than a cartload, but I generally send him off to get packaged goods (canned and boxed items) while I pick out the fruits, veggies, meats, etc. Among other things that he can’t or won’t learn is inspecting fresh food for blemishes and defects.

Omegaman, I wonder if I could just superglue a shock collar onto him while he’s asleep? I’m fairly sure he’d wake up if I welded one on him…

26

[QUOTE=CairoCarol]
Heh heh. For years hubby and I lived in out-of-the-way locations where we couldn’t buy condoms and many other useful drugstore items. As a result, when we’d be back in the US loading up our suitcases with stuff to take back, we’d end up with drug store shopping carts like this:

24 extra value-pack boxes of condoms
15 boxes of tampons
6 tubes of lubricant
4 packages of Monostat
6 boxes of Ex-lax

…etc…

Of course, that would be a two-year supply, and some of it was “just in case” stocking up on the off chance I did get a yeast infection or something, but still.

I wonder what the people at the checkout counter thought.
[/QUOTE]

Heh. Reminds me of the 3-day orientation period before leaving to study in the Soviet Union in 1989. All 40 of us were in a small town in upstate NY, the kind of place with one intersection, a gas station, a small grocery, and a pharmacy. The program had rented out a place normally used as a Christian retreat center for our stay there (for language testing, etc.)

Now 1989 was the tail end of perestroika, and many, many common consumer items were very hard to come by in Russia. In fact, on the last day of orientation, an entire session was devoted to discussing what items must be acquired at all costs before departing the U.S., and condoms were chief among them; our group director (who married his Russian fiancee that year) informed us that even if we weren’t planning to need them, they would make great gifts for our Soviet friends and/or barter items, and nobody would be embarrassed. Also, he told us that Soviets screwed like bunny rabbits,
and that STDs were rampant due to the lack of condoms and anonymous testing.

After that session, we had free time for the afternoon. So all 40 of us tromped down the road to the tiny one-room pharmacy and COMPLETELY cleaned them out of condoms and any other OTC contraceptives we could lay our hands on. As the pharmacist stared in amazement at the spectacle of 40 college-age people in his cramped shop, each with several boxes of condoms, foam, gel, etc. in hand, he asked what we were doing in town. Whoever was in line replied that we were just in the neighborhood for a few days, staying at the Christian retreat center up the road. :wink:

27

[QUOTE=Lynn Bodoni]

Omegaman, I wonder if I could just superglue a shock collar onto him while he’s asleep? I’m fairly sure he’d wake up if I welded one on him…
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Just put a damp washcloth on his neck under the collar. It will absorb the heat from the welding and he’ll never notice.

28

. . . bungee cord?

29

Every time he does it, slam your cart into his and yell “FUCK OFF”. He might not get it, but you’ll get to work out some aggression atleast.

…I’d be driven to do something like this by about the third shopping trip. Fortunately, my BF is a quick learner :smiley:

30

[QUOTE=Two and a Half Inches of Fun]
I worked at a grocery store. I would bet anything that the clerk’s only thoughts were, “I wonder when my next break is?” and, “I hope this asshole (any customer, not you) does not have a bunch out-of-date coupons.”
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Unless it was Marsha! Marsha works at my local grocery store. I think she’s a little . . . special. I have learned to avoid Marsha’s checkout line because she has to inspect and comment on each item as she scans it. This takes forever.
“Oh! Mint chocolate chip ice cream! I love that flavor! But my favorite is chocolate chip cookie dough.” beep
“These apples look yummy!” beep
“I haven’t tried this flavor of Pringle yet. Are they any good?” beep
“I see you’ve got diapers and wipes. You must have children at home.” beep

I can only imagine what Marsha would make of an “interesting” grocery list.

31

If browsing for condoms as a couple at the supermarket , please…

Do not try them on, and ask her how they look.

32

[QUOTE=Harmonious Discord]
If browsing for condoms as a couple at the supermarket , please…

Do not try them on, and ask her how they look.
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They don’t have fitting rooms where you shop? What kind of low-rent place is that?

Thudlow Boink: “Mission Control” :smiley:

33

[QUOTE=Solfy]
Unless it was Marsha! Marsha works at my local grocery store. I think she’s a little . . . special. I have learned to avoid Marsha’s checkout line because she has to inspect and comment on each item as she scans it. This takes forever…

I can only imagine what Marsha would make of an “interesting” grocery list.
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I think you should make the most “interesting” grocery list possible and deliberately get in Marsha’s line. It should be something like this.

12 enemas
48 pack of condoms
5 tubes of ky jelly (two of the warming version if possible
spermicidal foam
a clothes line
salad tongs

Marsha may never make eye contact or speak to you again.
If she says anything, invite her over for a demonstration.
If she accepts, use the clothes line to tie her to a chair and decorate her with the jelly, foam & blown up condoms. Then hose her down with the enemas while pinching her with the salad tongs. That should end her interest in your shopping lists. :smiley: