Having a minor bout of flatulence this arvo, and sitting outside on my patio that is home to many pots of various green things, I got to wondering.
Should one just fart into the air, or would it be better to direct the emissions towards a specific plant, so that they can convert the methane into oxygen immediately rather than have the fart just wander off into the ether?
Enquiring bums want to know!
This really belongs in GQ.
Or maybe GD, as it is one of the more important questions of our time.
Yes, and if you inhale deeply near your houseplants, it will prevent oxygen deficiency.
Alas, plants don’t metabolize methane from the air, and while one’s toots do also contain carbon dioxide, the rate of uptake just isn’t that fast.
Have you got any neighbors you dislike? You could treat them to a tush trumpet solo in BMinor instead 
Gas me, Seymour, gas me all night long
You can do it!
Gas me, Seymour, gas me all night long
Cause if you gas me, Seymour
I can grow up big and strong!
(Audrey Phew, Little Shop of Vapors)
I’m getting a bit worried about this obsession of yours with talking about gas lately. I pray for your soul.
And your houseplants soul. 
Well, when she reinvents herself as The Flatulator and starts a countrywide houseplant-gassing spree, no one can say they didn’t see it coming.
In response to Bum Thunder From Down Under: I doubt farting on your houseplants will have much effect.
But if you want to train your dog not to jump up on the furniture, a strategic emission might just do the trick.
Taking talking to houseplants to a whole new level.
Would a single other Doper of the female persuasion, other than Kam, post on this topic?
I think not