If I were the King of the forest... (long)

The BBQ Pit
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With all of these political threads of late, the broad brushes should be pritnear worn out. Calling oneself Liberal or Conservative, Democrat or Republican, or even making reference to your choice for POTUS on Tuesday doesn’t give the full picture. I’ve a suspicion that we might have more to agree about than you think. OTOH, we could have other points on which to disagree. Anyway, I’ll start. Here’s my list of stuff that’s important, and how I’d fix it, had I the authority. Feel free to add as you deem appropriate.

Taxes: Flat tax. Either a straight income tax or national sales tax. No exemptions.

Military service: Mandatory 3 year hitch when you graduate high school, or drop out and turn 18. Religious objection? OK. You can have a kegger, kiss Gramma, then pack your shit and get out. The word chickenhawk becomes obsolete.

Term limits: 6 years for POTUS, 3 years for the House and Senate, elected on staggered years. No running for office while in office. Your ass works. Compensation and benefits tied to median wage plus 10%. No voting yourselves sweetheart deals.

Abortion: Up to the individual-legal everywhere.

GLBT rights: Equal to that of hetero couples.

Death penalty: One appeal when found guilty, must begin within 30 days of original verdict. If found guilty on retrial, it sucks to be you. BANG! Bailiff, remove the deceased and call the next case.

Drugs: All legal. Produce it here, tax it, and stop locking people up.

Prostitution: Legal, inspected, with mandatory condom use.

Illegal aliens: Neighborhood sweeps-you’re on a bus back home. With our swelling military ranks, the Border Patrol gets assistance. Those caught crossing illegally are shot. You want in? Do it legally.

Foreign aid: That tit has run dry. Solve your own problems with your own resources. You want to buy armaments to kill each other? Kewl. We accept cash, only. Need military assistance to get your ass out of a spot? Press 1 for the Army, 2 for the Navy, 3 for the Air Force, and 4 for the Marines. Please have your Visa or MasterCard ready.

Tort reform: Nobody shoved food down your throat 'til you ass got its own zip code. Nobody stuffed Pall Malls in your gub and lit 'em for you, and nobody from Miller brewing stuck a funnel there either. Sucks to be you. To those who would bring shitty cases before the court-three such incidents, and you’re disbarred.

Big oil: You bastards have been raping Joe average for way too long. Don’t you think we’ve heard your record profits for the umpteenth quarter in a row? It’s nationalized now, boys. Kiss your million dollar bonuses goodbye. Price rollback to cost of production+exploration+modest reserve+COLA increase.

Affirmative action: Nobody alive owned slaves. It’s time for true equality, and that means we all have to earn what we get.

Well, now that I’ve probably managed to take a postion on something to piss off everybody, list how you’d fix things. :smiley:

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I like the way you think!

I especially like the tort reform and the equality etc. About the only things I’m not crazy about are the mandatory military service and the death penalty. But, back to the torts and things, let’s also include those extortionist “victimless” class action suits that attorneys file, in which they have no clients and keep all the money. Like if a place has a 1/32 inch too high roll of toilet paper in the crapper, a lawyer sues “for all the disabled” and keeps all the money. We have an intiative for this right now in California and I hope it passes. We sould also have something like a recall or vote of no confidence for those politicians who have shown to be grossly incompetent or corrupt.

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Corporations: Santa Clara County v. Southern Pacific Railroad Company will be declared utter bullshit. Corporations do not have the same rights as people. It will become MUCH easier for a corporation to loose its charter.

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can we all write you in?

Don’t forget NO accumulating retirements if you are a politician…IIRC you get 1 retirement pay per term served…you get 1 retirement package if you serve 1 term or 5 terms.

Can we get NO outsourcing customer service to funky ass foreign countries? I am tired of not having a job, and almost all the CS jobs in my state have been shipped over seas or to other cheaper states=(

Also, welfare - if you are a stay at home mom you get to stay home until 1st grade and then your ass works, if you have a second kid, you better get your ass married because that is suspiciously like milking the system, daddy better be providing for his spawn. If you are on welfare, and no kids, get your ass to work. If you have a medical problem [too fat, missing body parts, wheelchair] we can try to find you something even if it is counting fuzz on caterpillers by touch or something.

Make a serious incentive for CS telecommuting[or any profession that can be done that way] - most cs jobs I have worked I could have done from home, saving wear and tear on my car, gasoline and traffic congestion=\

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Taxes: Progressive tax code that allows the rich factory owner to pick of the slack of his or her working poor employees.

Military Service: All volunteer unless Congress declares war. If a draft is necessary, there will be no deferments. Kids too sick to fight are given duties in supply, transportation or the medical corps. Making all 18 year olds serve is a waste of their time and our money. Free college education to any veteran.

Term limits: Two terms for any elected office.

Abortion: Legal and rare.

Gay marriage: No distinction between gay couples entering into a domestic contract and hetero couples.

Death Penalty: Abolished. All death sentences are commutted to solitary confinement for life. Too many innocents being executed.

Drugs: Legalize pot anywhere alcohol is legal. Give local jurisdictions the authority to decide if they want legal pot and alcohol, but its both or none. Rehab/probation for all other substances. Treat importing countries as terrorists.

Prostitution: Legal, taxed and regulated.

Illegal aliens: Discourage the murder of immigrants crossing the Rio Grande. Bolster the Border Patrol. Make it a felony for hiring an illegal immigrant, minimum five year sentence. Proof of citizenship required to enter public school.

Foreign Aid: OK when it adds to our national security. Exceptions for humanitarian aid. Absolutely no use of our forces for hire.

Tort Reform: Allow juries to decide cases, not corporate lobbyists.

Big Oil: Disclaimer on all gas pumps with the country of origin. I don’t know what else can be done without nationalizing it.

Affirmative action: Revoke parental rights when parents demonstrate that they are unable to see to it that their children get a quality education. Put the kids in boarding schools, if necessary. Free college education through grants and tax credits for anyone that has the potential and motivation. Discourage the culture of segregation, encourage assimilation.

And,

Health Care: Allow any citizen to buy into Medicare. Outlaw prescription drug advertising. Institute national medical licensure. Make the licensing board responsible for malpractice if the offending doctor has a history of poor medical judgment and the licensing board refused to revoke his/her license for prior malpractice.

Homeland Security: Repeal the Patriot Act. Meaningful searches of all incoming cargo. Fund all mandates. Increase funding to INS. Know the life story of any immigrant before allowing him/her in.

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Taxes: Graduated, but simple. Close all loopholes; no offshore depositories of wealth when poor kids don’t have school supplies.

Military service: Volunteer only (unless illegal alien). They all get to vote on whether they want to go to war.

Term limits: 4 years for president; but can be president for as many terms as the American people want you. For Senate and House: four years also. States have control over their own term limits.

Running for office: No ads, no radio, no interviews, no pictures. Each candidate publishes booklets of issues and opinions that they stand for, available in any format that you want, and language that you want.

Abortion: Up to the individual, legal and available everywhere.

Sex Education: Mandatory. Free condoms and obgyn visits.

GLBT rights: Equal to that of hetero couples.

Death penalty: Outlawed. It’s too expensive.

Drugs: All legal. Produce it here, tax it, and stop locking people up.

Prostitution: Legal. However, if you are married, your spouse has to approve. If you lie about your marital status, your spouse will be informed after the fact.

Illegal aliens: Forced enrollment into the US armed forces at first incident.

Foreign aid: Shut off unless it’s a mess of our own making. Like Bosnia or Afghanistan.

Tort reform: All costs to the plaintiff, including lawyers’ and court fees, if case is lost.

Big oil: Spend all profits on alternative fuel research. No reinvesting, no dividends, and no bonuses for management. This is to be implemented in such a way that the oil companies will be run into the ground in ten years. Embargo against foreign oil companies, or else taxed into non-existence.

Affirmative action: Stopped.

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aruvqan: If you are on welfare, and no kids

? What welfare programs exist for people with no kids? The former federal welfare program was AFDC (Aid to Families with Dependent Children) and the current one is called TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families). Both require a family to have dependent minor children to qualify for assistance.

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Drill Instructor: You pieces of human shit were caught trying to enter this country illegal! You do not deserve to exist! Now,you can spend the next 5 years of your stinking lives defending this country!

Here, take this tank.

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Hmm. My point was that if they wanted to be in this country so bad, they could defend it. I also thought that, as so many of them do, they wanted a full-time job with good benefits and a paycheck to send to their families, they could have one, just not the one they probably wanted.

I know you were using hyperbole to say that those people we impress into the army would turn against us. I don’t think this is valid at all. People who join the army, willingly or not, are indoctrinated into the system, and rarely turn against it wholesale. Look at England. They impressed thousands of sailors.

Besides, it would be doing the illegal aliens a favor, by giving them steady, valuable work; by giving them skills such as electronics or mechanical crafting or nursing; by giving them a place in the country they want to call home. They would not end up as cannon fodder, or at least not more of them than natural Americans.

Perhaps I should have added that they would be given legal status as soon as they completed their term of duty. How many illegal aliens would turn that away? I think this is an elegant solution to this problem.