I’ve thought about this for a while, and due to the church’s view on blasphamy (sp?) anyone who claimed to be Jesus returned would be killed by someone claiming that he wasn’t the real deal.
Yes, yes, and when he walks on water to prove he is who he says he is, the headlines in the paper the next day will be “Christ Can’t Swim”.
I saw him swim once. No, really! The guy who cleaned the pool at my old apartment complex was named Jesus, and one time he leaned out too far and fell in…
I’d be afraid that the dead were rising from the grave. I’d prepare myself for a post apocolyptic Dawn of the Dead kind of world.
Marc
I think the return of Jesus is one of those “we’ll know it when we see it” kind of things. 'Specially when he descends from on high accompanied by a chorus of angels, and sets down on the Mount of Olives, cracking the hill in two…
MGibson
I’m with you.
One question - what are the preparations for “a post apocalyptic Dawn of the Dead kind of world.”?
How much Tupperware do I need?
PS Don’t sign off as Marc, we’ll all think you’re Mel. We are really lame.
puts on joker hat
If Jesus returns I hope he doesn’t try to take it up the middle because it ain’t gonna happen. He’ll have to try for the sidelines.
On a more serious note, isn’t the Anti-Christ supposed to appear first? I assume if that were to happen we’d have anywhere between 400 to a 1000 people claiming to be Jesus each with a handfull to 1000s of followers.
If Jesus returned I would be thoroughly screwed. I’d be doing some serious back peddling.
Haj
clayton_e wrote, in the OP:
If that did happen, then that would mean the rest of the Book of Revelation couldn’t come true. (Jesus can’t slam-dunk Satan and bring a thousand years of peace if he’s dead.) Which would make it a false prophecy.
I don’t think that that’s exactly Jesus’s style.
I think the anti-christ comes first. But by the time he does come, it will be too late. Did people call Hitler and Napolean anti-christs when they were around?
Really? Me neither.
But there all all sorts of folks who are waiting for Jesus just because this time…THIS TIME, he’s coming with a sword and is really gonna kick some non-Christian ass. And be doing a lot of Mount cleaving and other special effects.
Won’t they be disappointed if he just came back talking about love and brotherhood again?
What’s going to happen when Jesus comes back? See Dostoevsky’s “The Grand Inquisitor”.
A sword?! Two thousand years of technological innovation, and the biggest baddest piece of military hardware he can pick up is a big knife?! Come on! He’s Jesus! He can arm himself with any damn weapon he wants!
He ought to make his Second Coming with at least an M-16, or an antitank rocket launcher, or a couple of tactical nukes. He’s gonna cleave a mountain? Hell, with enough hydrogen bombs he could vaporize a mountain. And I hope he remembers to bring some kind of protective shielding, because you can bet your bottom sheckel that the Antichrist’s air force is going to be lobbing all sorts of air-to-ground explosives at him. It wouldn’t be all that impressive to come back to Earth after 2000 years only to get blown up 2 minutes later. Maybe he can do that whole a-thousand-years-are-as-but-a-day routine, and travel into the future to pick up one of those Star Trek force shield generators. And maybe some phasers. Ooh! And photon torpedoes! No – quantum torpedoes! (They do more damage, y’know.) Or maybe those swell trans-phasic torpedoes they used on the last episode of Voyager. A few of those would be enough to make the surface of the Earth uninhabitable for several centuries.
But maybe I have the wrong idea. Maybe Jesus is bringing a sword because he’s actually a Dungeons & Dragons character. Maybe his sword is a +5 holy avenger. (Hah! Holy avenger! Get it?) Maybe Jesus’s character class is monk, which would mean he wouldn’t take any damage from fireballs if he made his saving throw, and he’d have such a good effective armor class that no one could hit him. In that case, he’s probably holding his Quivering Palm of Death in reserve for the Antichrist. I hope his THAC0 is low enough to score that all-important hit – and that he doesn’t roll a “1”.
Well, it was either that, or he’d be cruisin’ down main street in his jalopy, hangin’ with his homies, listenin’ to Tupac, and makin’ calls to all the hootchie-mama’s.