If the song is by _____ (and _____) then it's really about _____

Going through my MP3 list, I notice that regardless of a song’s ostensible title and subject matter,

. . . if the song is by an early to mid 80s band (and has a cheerful/peppy outlook), then it’s actually about the horror of nuclear war

. . . if the song is by Lou Reed (and it’s not about domestic abuse or psychiatric wards) then it’s actually about smack.

. . . if the song is by ZZ top (on any topic whatsoever) then it’s actually about p***y.