Since it’s really a low priority, “If I can afford it” means basically free.
In that case there would be no toilet in my crapshack that didn’t gleam with searing radiance. There would be apple pancakes and coffee waiting for me every morning. She would be a live-in maid, that way I could cultivate discrete sexual fantasies, the way I do with most women, except expediently.
I’d also like to have a chauffer-there is something neat about sitting in the backseat and telling “James” to drive me home.
A butler would also be nice-the guy would lay out my clothes and mix the cocktails at 6 PM!
I’d rather have a butler, because I think it’s classier.
Oh hell yes. But first I’d have to clean the house! Cleaning is the bane of my existence. I don’t mind working super hard and even long hours at my job, but housework? UGGITY ugh! 
Our cleaner comes once a week for two hours. Sometimes she’s great, sometimes she doesn’t do a very good job at all - her idea of mopping lately seems to be to damp the mop and then walk through the rooms with hard floors carrying it. But I hate having a stranger in the house, even when I’m not here (and much, MUCH worse when I am), so having got used to this one I don’t really want to fire her and have to get used to someone else.
I don’t feel bad about having a cleaner. I work hard, as does my partner, and this way we get to spend time together doing nicer things and our cleaner gets a job. It’s a win all round.
I can afford it, but I can’t be bothered. Other than the occasional lint “rolling bush” on the floor (whose vision prompts me to grab the broom and give a general sweep), my “clean as you go” model means there is very little to clean on clean-up days, so it really doesn’t make much sense. Since I hate having other people organize my stuff and dislike small chat, I just pass.
Littlebro and Mom have the same cleaning folk, a married couple. They go to Littlebro’s when he’s at work, swipe and do his ironing; to Mom’s when she’s in (sligtly heavier work, since unlike Littlebro she does cook).
Added after reading other people’s responses: I’ve never met a cleaning lady who could understand “please do not come into the room I’m using”, but maybe that’s a cultural thing. Mom’s current one, if I’m in a room with the door closed she’ll knock, open, apologize, ask whether I’m fine (yes), do I want the room cleaned (no, I’ll do it myself) and close.
And then, as soon as I leave the room for a bio break, she’ll hop in and start vacuuming.
As bad as this sounds, if Mom dies before that woman gets replaced, firing her will be an absolute pleasure.
I have been a cleaner and if people said “do not touch stuff on the desk”, I did not lift the piles of papers, dust underneath and replace them… I did. Not. Touch. The desk. I’m not interested in hiring any cleaner who’s got a problem with that concept.
We have cleaners who come in every couple weeks. They’re great and with us having no kids or pets or slobs that’s plenty to keep the place show-spotless. And they keep our days free for work or fun, not drudgery. Other than cooking & washing our own dishes and laundry we don’t do any interior or exterior maintenance.
I mostly enjoy cooking so that’s not a chore; it’s a hobby.
If it was practical to have them pass through for just a few minutes every day to deal with making the bed & advancing the laundry and stowing yesterday’s dishes that’d be even better. It’d be like staying a nice hotel; you just eat & play there.
I voted the “few hours per day but not live-in” option. If I was rich enough I would have a maid and I would want her to do dishes and laundry too.
It’s a little creepy to invite people into your home but I don’t particularly like cleaning/dishes/laundry and if I had the cash, I’d never do any of those things again.
Another bump for the chef, it would be way easier to diet if someone smarter and with more self control than me was doing the cooking.
This. In fact, a personal chef is probably the first thing I’d get if I won the lottery.
We can afford it, so yes, we have a maid! 
In our case a cleaning lady that comes once every two weeks, and it is totally worth the $75 a visit. My wife and I aren’t very dedicated to the cleaning cause, so it is a luxury we are both willing to pay for.
We’ve had a cleaning lady for just over a year. She and her crew come in every other Thursday while we’re at work, and we come home to an immaculate house.
We used to do our own housework, but once we brought the Firebug home, it just became impossible for us to keep up by ourselves. She’s been a lifesaver. (Anyone who lives in southern Maryland who’s looking for a cleaning lady, feel free to PM me for particulars!)
Since last posting in this thread we’ve been advised by our cleaning lady that she’s pregnant, which really sucks for us as we’ve gotten completely comfortable with her. This is the second cleaning lady who’s gotten pregnant while in our employ. She offered to have her mother clean our house for the few months or so she will be unavailable, but that never works out, so my wife’s on the hunt again.
We have about two months before our cleaning lady goes on maternity leave, but waiting until the last minute would be a mistake. If anyone in central NJ has a good cleaning lady, or team, looking for a new client, I’m interviewing.
We have a housekeeper who comes in twice a week. We originally just asked her to do dishes and laundry, but now she also cleans the whole house. It is really nice. She is pretty expensive as housekeepers go, but she requires very little direction and does things like organize stuff for us, too. She unpacked a lot of stuff, including all my clothes, when we moved into this house.
We could afford one, but my boyfriend says he feels guilty about getting someone to clean our tiny apartment. And it is pretty small, and we keep it reasonably clean for the most part. But little things can add up, and neither of us are in any mood to clean during the week. Although now that we finally have a vacuum cleaner things are much better than they used to be.
I voted F/T, but that’s way overkill for me, a bachelor living in a 2br condo. Once per week would be fine, though – but if she were pretty and wore a nice little cleaning outfit, she could also consider staying F/T in a separate bedroom.
When I was a kid, we had a maid, a large woman who came in every Monday and Friday to clean the house (6-7 kids, 2 adults).
It irritated me that my father made us straighten our rooms out Sunday and Thursday nights - “why, Dad, when we have a maid???”
30+ years later, about the same age as my dad was back when we had a maid, I find myself straightening out my hotel room before housekeeping arrives.
My wife used to do this. We have neighbors who still do. My perspective is it is ridiculous to clean before the cleaning lady. If you’re going to spend an hour wiping down surfaces and straightening up before she arrives, what is the purpose of having a cleaning lady in the first place? That’s her job. Heck, in my opinion, right before she arrives is the best time to drop a couple extra Cheerios on the floor…by accident of course.
My point is cleaning before a cleaning makes no sense. My wife stopped this practice a few years ago.
I’m sure correlation does not equal causation. 
*Cleaning *(wiping down surfaces, vacuuming up Cheerios) before the cleaning people get there makes no sense. Organizing and putting away your stuff does. Basically, if you’ve got 23 books on your coffee table, she’s got to either not touch them, which means your table isn’t going to get cleaned, or she’s got to move them, which means they won’t be in the same places when she’s done. One book is easy to remove, clean under and replace. But the sheer volume of Stuff most “I don’t clean” people have laying around *does *make it harder for the crew to do a good job *and *not piss you off by moving your stuff around.
We always organize and straighten up before our cleaner arrives. We want them to concentrate on the cleaning we don’t want to do ourselves - deep vacuuming, dusting everything down, the bathroom, and scrubbing floors. We don’t want to be paying them for taking our empty pop cans downstairs or folding throws on the couch. We can do that stuff.
We have a 4br/2ba home, and it’s a 4-hour clean (no kids to clean up after, either though).
We’d totally get him once a week, if he were willing. The problem is, he’s slowly removing himself from the cleaning business, and I think we’re his last customer. He’s going to have to die to get out of our employ, though. We’ll hunt him down.