Of all the great movies you have ever seen, imagine you have the power to extract from all of them the precise plot(s), setting, period, cast, director, technical crew, writer and any other feature(s) you deem significant to create what for you would be the Perfect Movie.
What would it be like?
Who would be the main cast?
To think of it another way, pick the movie(s) that is/are closest to “Perfect” and select what keeps it/them from being perfect.
The very first movie that comes to mind is Life as a House. I can’t think of a way to improve it. Oh, it’d be nice if there were some black characters in it, but it’s so perfectly well done that I don’t care.
I can’t think of a single thing I’d change in Casablanca, Sin City, The Big Lebowski or Grosse Pointe Blank. So mix those four together and you have my perfect movie. A funny tragic romantic violent story about a bitter hitman pothead who does bad things to bad people. With music. And Nazis.
Cecil B. DeMille gets to Heaven & St Peter says “Great! We’ve been waiting for you! God wants to produce the Greatest Movie Ever. He’s gotten Shakespeare to
write the script. Mozart’s get the soundtrack. Michaelangelo is doing set design.
Edwin Booth is leading man. And of course, God wants you to direct!”
“I am very honored!” DeMille replied, “And the leading lady is…”
“Well…” St. Peter hesitated, “you see… God’s got this girlfriend…”
The perfect movie would be a very witty and funny movie that had lots of car chases, explosions and tits in it.
I’d guess a story about a hot female space explorer captured and enslaved by a primitive society that thinks chains are all a slavegirl really needs to weark, on a planet of dinosaurs, and her attempts to escape, would work for me. So I wrote it.
Like this one?Harry: Where is she? Where the fuck is Harmony? You want to play hardball? I can do that.
[Spins the chamber and points the gun]
Harry: Where is the girl?
[Shoots the guy in the head]
Perry: [Stuttering at first] What did you just do?
Harry: [Confused] I just put in one bullet, didn’t I?
Perry: You put a live round in that gun?
Harry: Well yeah, there was like an 8% chance.
Perry: Eight? Who taught you math!
Stranger
Oh, there’s a BIG thing that needs to be changed in Sin City: Jessica Alba needs to be naked. I say that not because of any desire to see her unclothed (I’ve never thought she was that hot and would really like her to eat a cookie or 12), but her being entirely clothed while playing a stripper was so jarring that it took me out of the moment.
Also, the script needs to be changed so it doesn’t come off as though it’s written by a 15-year-old fanboy who thinks he knows what the epitome of cool is.
Easy. I can describe it in one word:
Armageddon
Actually, Aerodave, it takes three-Cool Hand Luke.
Was it Cecil B Demille that said “We want to start with an Earthquake, Flood and Fire… after that it gets exciting!”?
Regards
FML
Well, I was hoping the sarcasm would come through without having to be spelled out. Oh well…guess I’ve got to offer up my serious suggestion:
Little Man
Star Wars, original release.
Ok, Leia’s dress could be a little more transparent when they come out of the garbage masher.
Dammit, I just signed up and I’ve already been whooshed. I don’t feel so bad about it though, since favorite/perfect movies is an inherently subjective topic. I was giving the benefit of the doubt to someone’s differing tastes…I did think “Aerodave” was a strange moniker for a 16 year old girl though.
Starship Troopers with more nudity. I mean, this movie already has it all:
Gory violence? Check.
Boobs? Check. (Just not enough.)
Humor? Check. (The acting supplies the humor.)
Explosions? Check.
I mean, I’ve never seen that movie topped, although Road House comes close.
My favorites tend to be the ones where there’s a little girl as the main character, but it’s not necessarily a kid movie. Some element of the supernatural and/or animals is good, but not essential.
Like:
The Secret of Roan Inish
Whale Rider
Fly Away Home
In America
and Pan’s Labyrinth, to a degree
so the perfect movie for me:
-has a young girl as the main character, but one who acts older than she is
-has some kind of animal prominently featured
-has a spiritual/supernatural element, but more of the “this mythology might be true and kind of ends up sort of being maybe reality” type than the “abracadabra! look at the magical things happening!” type.
-has some kind of amazing scenery, and lots of visually interesting and artistic stuff going on
-has lovely, haunting background music
-somehow showing a glimpse, however fictional, of another place/culture is always a plus.
-lots of drama that has little or nothing to do with boyfriends or being popular or any of that bullshit.
I like you. I hope you stay.
And truth be told…I don’t think it’s a great movie, but Armageddon is like a guilty pleasure for me. It’s just so over the top and cheesy…it’s awesome.
“Colonel Willie Sharp, United States Air Force. Requesting permission to shake the hand of the daughter of the bravest man I’ve even met.”
sigh
They already exist: Citizen Kane, Casablanca, and Singin’ in the Rain are all perfection.
