I agree there are genuinely nice people who can be happy for others, regardless of their own situation- surely there are people on welfare who are happy for lottery winners, but they’re a a rare breed.
I’m the kind of person if I had anything really nice/extravagant/etc., I’d go to lengths to hide it from other people, out of consideration. One particular thing that annoyed me is someone at my job was complaining that her house was too big- the person she was complaining about it to is piss poor and maybe eats ketchup packets for lunch- do you think they really wanted to hear someone complain their house was too large while their worried about how to pay last months rent?
There’s a balance to be struck, I think, between boastfullness and declining to reveal good things which happen, lest someone be jealous. And some people mind more than others when someone boasts about good things like an oversized house.
But if no one ever shares the good things that happen to them, the world becomes a greyer, duller place. I think that’s bad and tremendously sad.
I agree- for example if I made a bundle in the stock market I would share that info with good friends who have money, not poor friends (unless I gave them some of the profits), definitely not people if you don’t know their situation.
My husband always does flowers for my birthday, Valentine’s Day, and our anniversary, and I would love them even more if just once he sent them to me at work so I could preen a little.
I am a woman and don’t send flowers to SOs, but I do send flowers to my mother on Mother’s Day and her birthday. I always send them to her at work. Why? First, because no one is home to sign for them during the day. Second, because she gets more enjoyment out of them if she has them on her desk at work (where she is approximately 8 hours a day) as opposed to letting them rot unappreciated at home, where she is only a few hours per day during the week.
She has told me that her co-workers are sometimes jealous that their children do not send them flowers. But we are talking a very mild kind of jealousy. When my co-workers get flowers from their SOs at work, I feel no jealousy at all. My other female co-workers are only mildly jealous or not jealous at all. And they get the flowers at work instead of at home for the same reasons I listed.
It would never occur to me that sending flowers to a workplace would stir up serious negative feelings. Wee Bairn, if violent jealousy at such little provocation is common in the people you know, well, you need to meet a better class of people. They sound like psychos to me.
WTF? This “old maid” (by choice) is grateful every day that I am not trapped in an insufferable marriage like the flower-receiving women at the office. You have a very fertile imagination. Guess what? You are not the envy of the world, just because you are married/coupled up.
And any woman who enjoys flowers mainly because of the attention/jealousy of other women is an insecure nutjob.
I’ve sent flowers to the office. I’ve brought flowers home. We’ve even bought flowers together. But it’s the flowers to the office that seems to be appreciated the most. You have to ask the women why they like that more. I just use the approach that’s most appreciated.
I was referring to those at my job, not friends, and none of them freak out or get visibly annoyed, but one or two make little self-depricating quips that let you know it bothers them that they don’t have someone to do the same for them. Like maybe you’re alone not by choice, and maybe you try not to think about it until you get some visual representation of it, like flowers, that brings it to the front of your mind. Just thinking of others, that’s all.
My only complaint is if the recepient is near me and I have to hear the same questions from 50 fucking people that day (who are they from, is it your birthday, etc.)
I spend 8 hours a day at my desk. Then I run home, change my clothes and go to the barn for 3 hours. Then I come home, change my clothes, eat and pass out on the couch. (Or, if I received flowers, come home, take a shower, have sex and pass out on the couch.) So, the flowers stay on my desk where I spend a LOT more time than I do at home.
Another reason might be: I don’t know if my SO even knows where to find a florist - he always uses 1-800-flowers. So his only alternative to delivering to my desk would be to have them delivered to our front porch where they will sit for hours or have them delivered to himself at his office so that he can bring them home to me? Which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense either.
Hey, even if the flowers weren’t sent to me, I get to see them and sometimes I get to smell them. (That’s usually not roses. I think the time I really noticed, it was lilies.)
If they’re pretty, it perks the place up for everyone.
I find this really condescending. People who are alone by choice can manage their own feelings on the subject without help from the peanut gallery. Your excessive consideration is an insult to our intelligence and maturity.
Actually, I personally like it when my co-workers get flowers at work, because then I get to enjoy them too. It would never occur to me to be jealous or to fawn over them for being so “lucky.” It’s interesting that your default assumption is that singles would have a negative reaction.
I think you should stop wasting your time worrying about singles and our fragile little feelings.
I think I just don’t get into having outside things at work. I did a thread once on why people feel the need to have pictures of people on their desk, I don’t get that one either. Or bringing your kids to your job, either to show people, or to sit for two hours because the babysitter was sick. And I have a kiddie I adore, but would never think to bring her to work for any reason.
If you have good enough friends you want to show them your pride & joy, take them to their house. If you don’t know them well enough to go to their house, why would you want a casual acquaintance to see your wee bairn? And if the babysitter called in sick, you leave early and take them home or find another sitter.
I don’t need to hear your kid yelling when I’m working- people don’t realize that other people don’t find their kids as entertaining as they do, even those with their own. And damned if one doesn’t bring theirs to work one day, the next asshole the next day has to bring theirs to one-up them, etc. Work is for work! You don’t bring home (unless you work from home), don’t bring home to work!
Not all- if you aren’t bothered by it, then that’s cool. But some are bothered by it, based on one or two comments I’ve heard. And not bothered as in pissed off at the recipient, but bothered in that it may make you think about being alone, if you are alone not by choice. Me personally, I like being alone and would rather be alone, and flowers don’t bother me for that particular reason.
Wow, if I comment on your pretty flowers and ask who they’re from, you interpret it as painful jealousy. There’s nothing I can do about your perceptions, but…damn!
Generally people are happy at home - they can do what they want and hang out with their SO, and possibly already have cut flowers on display. When she’s at work she has her ugly desk, boring job, and co-workers she may or may not like. So flowers at work make a bigger difference in happiness levels than flowers at home. Plus she gets to enjoy the flowers for longer and you don’t have to lug a big bouquet of flowers home. If you happen to take public transport a greater number of people might have negative feelings at seeing the flowers - if that sort of thing worries you, then at least the flowers in the office are seen by a limited few.
But I wouldn’t read too much into comments like “oh you’re so lucky!” and “I wish my husband would buy me flowers” - I think people feel like they have to comment on a bouquet, and good-natured envy is one way of doing it. Of course if the recipient is dancing around going “nyah nyah nyah” at the recent widow it might be time to reevaluate if she can be trusted with something so dangerous as flowers.
If he knows I am having a bad day and nothing seems to be going right… it is not only nice to know that he is thinking of me… but that he did something to make my bad day look a little brighter.
I mean sure he could give them to me while I am at home. Though by the time I get there I have already blast my music all the way home. Sung until my voice gave out while driving the long winding country roads, I’m less stressed by the time I get home…
So it is nice in the middle of my horrible day, the person I love, sends something that shows me he cares for me and wishes my day gets better…
Make the co-workers jealous? Oh, hell no! They share her joy. Her happiness at getting the flowers is reflected on the faces of her co-workers. The aphrodisiac effect when she gets home is definitely increased by the shared happiness.
Oh, and guys? Don’t do it on Valentine’s Day. It will cost you three times as much for the flowers. Still worth it, but two weeks earlier is much cheaper.
I’m not sure if you’re serious, but if so, allow me an analogy. Let’s say in my office there are twenty people, and instead of flowers, the object is winning ten million in the lottery. And me and six of my co-workers win it. And the others are all acting as excited as us (we?) winners are. Is there a chance that one or two or three are genuinely happy for us? Absolutely. But let’s be realistic. You may get caught up in the moment but at some point the reality of “they’re rich I’m not” is going to set in. You pass me on the street next month and I’m driving a Maserati and you’re at the bus stop. No jealousy at all?
Same with flowers some genuinely happy- those with SO’s those happy to be alone. But what about those without an SO but desperate for one?
