If you had tons of excess money to waste, what niche employees would you hire?

For me, I want a full-time Tall Person. Someone to just be there, instantly ready to retrieve stuff from the top shelves of the kitchen cabinets or dust the top of the fridge or replace burned out light bulbs in ceiling fixtures. Oh, and he has to accompany me on my grocery shopping trips, for some reason what I want is way too often stocked on the top shelf and there’s only two packages left and they’re sitting way the heck back against the wall. (Yes, my husband is good for this stuff, but he insists on being allowed to lead his own life sometimes.)

If I can afford another such indulgence employee, I want a back scratcher. Long strong nails a job requirement.

I’d hire someone to do all the Internet research and digging for me of obscure stats. Look up this law for me, help me find this nugget of info, please make a graph of all the crimes committed in city XYZ in the past 20 years, etc.

I like getting into the shower and having a brand new bar of soap. I’d hire a manservant whose job includes (or is limited to) disposing of the slightly used bar after I finish my shower and replacing it with a brand new bar.

Easy! Cat litter scooper, drain declogger, poison ivy, creeping ivy basically noxious weed eradicator, car wash wax buff and shine guy, holiday house decorator, masseuse, reiki master. That’s about all, I can clean house.

Attic retriever. The job consists of going up into the attic to get things down and return them when I’m done with them. Also, putting the ladder away when using the garage attic. My attics are unfinished, and are way too hot by 11 am any day, even in the winter, unless it is raining.

Full time GM for my favorite (or obscure) RPGS. They don’t have to cater to specific plots or my characters in excess, but damn I miss paper and pencil games. Most of my fellow local gamers have relocated, and I’m too old to try to find a new set of people to learn their foibles or expect them to learn/tolerate mine.

For that matter, with a skilled (paid after all) full time-gm, I could recruit players more suited to playstyle, double win!

Games I miss - older gen Shadowrun, Cyberpunk, 3.5 D&D, and obscure crap like Earthdawn (prior to SR/ED split), Lords of Creation, TORG, Deadlands, SLA Industries…

I would like a misplaced thing finder. You know, someone to calmly find my car keys, sunglasses, that novel I was just reading, my cell phone, the invoice I set down somewhere so I could grab my checkbook and pay it immediately…all those sorts of things.

Garbage taker outter. From the kitchen to the big garage bin, then weekly take the bin to the curb. Next in line, the emptying of the dishwasher.

I really want somebody to make phone calls for me. Schedule a doctor’s appointment. Schedule my car at the mechanic. Find somebody to fix the roof. Problem is, I’d probably have to call that person to get them to make the call…

I’d want a full-time massage therapist to work on my perpetually cramped legs every day.

When I’m in the shower and I realize there’s no soap/shampoo/washcloth and I’m too wet to actually get out of the shower without making a mess, for a friendly hand to reach through the curtain and hand me it.

Dog soother. Someone who comes around when there’s thunder or fireworks and soothes my dogs. They can sit with the dogs in the basement and watch TV, which is what I have to do and not that big of a deal - EXCEPT when the need arises while I’m at work or while I’m dead asleep. This seems to be 90% of the time when dog soothing is needed.

Someone to do all the housework.
My BIL is a professional chef I wish I could hire him to cook for me full time.

When you win the lottery, please contact me about this potential job opportunity. :smiley:

Private dancer, someone to lift my mood by putting on some appropriate music and breaking into a dance when I’m feeling down. Maybe they could dance around the house and clean or dance on my back when it needs a massage. Basically to help me dance right through my life.

Cat litter scooper, most definitely. And laundry doer. And chef. That’s not asking a lot, is it?

A professional chauffeur. Driving is the most stressful part of my day. Having someone to take care of that task would lower my stress level significantly.

Wow. I’m 10X more stressed as a passenger than a driver!

There is a winery near here with a wonderful restaurant that has both charming indoor seating with a big fireplace and a huge deck for outdoor dining in summer, and they have great daily prix fixe multi-course menus with matching wines for each course.

Every time I’m there I’m tempted to buy lottery tickets so that I become Very Rich and hire away both the chef and the sommelier for my personal use. Although it always occurs to me that it would probably be easier to just buy the entire winery and move in!

I’d definitely need a librarian.