If you loaned a significant sum to a friend or relative in need how did it work out? Was it repaid?

In My Humble Opinion
41

My experience has always been that loans to friends and family mean they will no longer be your friend or family any further. I cannot count the number of people in my life who have driven themselves to the brink of ruin loaning money to manipulative psychopaths who take the money to “feed their kids” and spend it on a bass boat, laughing all the way.

Thankfully the most I’ve ever been out was about $5 (although one $100 loan was not repaid until I started approaching other family members of the person to ask them to pay instead…we were both minors at the time).

42

I cheerfully lend money when I’m flush, never in any amounts that I can’t afford to kiss goodbye. If they repay me, so much the better. If not, meh. Dios me lo repagará.

One ex I lent $400 to at various times and I haven’t seen a dime. (He’s pretty flaky.) On the other end of the spectrum, another ex I’ve lent a total of about that much from time to time, mostly at my instigation (he’s very poor and frequently can’t afford to do various important things, and when he laments that, I offer, especially since the amounts are often relatively small in proportion to the benefit of the thing in question – e.g. tuition, getting his legal gender changed) and I’ve always gotten it back at pay day, even if I intended it as a gift. Sometimes he even insists on giving me a post-dated cheque.

43

Damn, that’s really low. At least I have some sympathy for the addicts who use the money to feed their addictions, but to stiff your friends purely for recreational toys is just beyond the pale.

44

Kinda odd the people you trust most are the most likely to cause problems in this regard.

45

This must be at least 20 years ago so I don’t remember all the details, but I had a coworker who was buying a house; he didn’t make much so it was through some government program. He was going to get $500 from the credit union at work to take to the title office, but for some reason they closed early that day and he had to get the money there before some deadline. He asked me to loan him $500, which was a hell of a lot for me, but I walked across the street to the bank and got him a cashier’s check. The next morning I found flowers on my desk and he had the money for me – and the papers for his new house. :slight_smile:

OTOH, my late sister owed me thousands. It all ended up with Mr. Smirnoff.

46

While not everyone borrowed a lot to buy a bass boat, that example was based IRL - the brother of my ex-SO borrowed $13,000 from his mother because he said, in effect, “my kids are barefoot and need food.” He took the money and that same day bought a brand new Tracker bass boat with it because he had a scheme to “earn money fishing” and the fish he caught would “feed his kids.” The next year he mentioned casually at Christmas that “I spent 200 days on the water last year, life is great!” Of course he was unemployed the entire time, and his wife was working 60 hours a week to try to, yes, put shoes on the kids feet and feed them.

47

This. I occasionally ‘loan’ money to close family, but I never expect repayment, even when they promise. I love my family and I am happy to help out if I can because I know that if I need help, I can count on them to do their best for me, too. My husband, on the other hand, is not as smart. He is currently upset at a family member he loaned money to, and hasn’t been paid back. I agree that the people in question promised, but really, I could have warned him that he would probably never see it again had he asked for my advice in advance.

48

What I want to know is how Christmas managed to conclude with no one in jail for assaulting this douche bag.

49

I lent a couple hundred dollars or so to a friend, basically for his share of our apartment’s deposit. Our other roommate, who was also living with me at the dorm at the time, did the same.

We had a falling out a few months later (sadly, before we had moved into the new place – it was a college town, and you lined up your place to live by March or so for fall). Long story short, he became a pompous ass who would frequently tell us how stupid we were and how brilliant he was, while he would come by and drink our alcohol and hang out in our room. We were talking about pranks and practical jokes for some reason, and he said “I’ve never been pranked or misled in any way. I’m simply too smart for that.” Yeah, whatever. So we lived in the same dorm and I slipped my key onto his keyring, and took his – my roommate agreed to let me in.

Well, we got rather drunk and he wandered off to his room after I had fallen asleep, and it was unlocked, so he didn’t find out about the key until it stopped working the next day. He thought his key was broken so he paid the dorm to retool his lock, which was, IIRC, about $50.

When I found out, I copped to it and immediately offered to pay him the $50. My roommate, being in on it, said she’d chip in and we could either pay him cash (if he needed it now) or he could take it out of what he owed us. I really did feel very bad about it, and I’m still kind of ashamed that I did it. He was a douche, but it was a stupid joke at best.

However, he decided for some reason that the joke was some kind of hate crime (???) and told us that we were vile and terrible human beings. Further, because his time was so valuable as a pre-med student (with no job, so double ???) and it had taken about an hour, that he was keeping all the money we had lent him (about $500 total). He then didn’t talk to us until we all moved in together, which as you can imagine was delightful, but of course we were locked into a lease.

I tried to make peace but he wouldn’t have any of it, and he was generally a big problem for that whole year, but whatever. I can’t stay angry that long, but I guess he could. But I never forgot that money.

Now for a certified genius he was pretty stupid from time to time. He had worked out that the company (due to previous problems) will just split the payment three ways between three tenants to pay back the deposit, which he made it clear he was going to keep. However, he he put all the bills into his name when we moved in because we were too stupid to do it or whatever. So I worked out that if I didn’t pay him for the last month’s bills, plus one bill of the previous month, I’d pretty much have it covered within a few bucks. So the second-to-last month I “forgot” to pay that bill. And the last month, we had moved out, and I sent him a letter that he could take the bills out of the money he owed me. Clear conscience, all was set right with the world. (Mr. Genius agitated awhile about suing me, which I said he could, since I still had evidence of the loan – but he never did, and convinced his parents to pay it for him. And kept the deposit. What a guy.)

Now my other roommate never forgot either, and did the same thing. But she also had a friend in Barcelona and she talked with her a LOT during that last month. Quite a very lot, to the tune of several hundred dollars. And she made it very clear that as he had taken money from her in poor faith, she was doing it too, and to go fuck himself. Now normally I would have really opposed this, and I obviously didn’t do the same thing, but he was a bigger asshole than I can really put in words, so I figured, whatever. He really did deserve that, and way more.

Anyway, so I got my money back but I learned a good lesson. When you think someone is kind of a prick and vicious to other people but he’s witty and amusing and nice to you, watch yourself. I truly believe he was a sociopath, based on all that I’ve read, and once we crossed him the thin veneer of friendship melted away.

50

Last summer I made a loan to a friend of a not huge but not small amount. She was in way over her head, having made some poor financial choices that I thought were a result of desperation, and now realize were part of a larger pattern of poor choices in life in general. Actually, an inability to make choices, and essentially living her life by defaulting into things when making a choice becomes impossible. I believe that this is tied into some learning disabilities and cognitive issues she has, she’s actually probably not able to do any better.

Anyway, long story short, within a couple of months, her situation actually worsened, and on advice of a lawyer of dubious repute (see inability to make decisions) she filed for bankruptcy.

I’m not terribly worried, I kind of knew I’d never see that money back. I’ll write it off as a loss on my taxes and move on.

The sad thing is that my friend has stopped communicating with me, presumably she’s feeling guilty or embarrassed. I’m not actually mad at her. I feel sorry for her, but that’s actually been an ongoing feeling. She really probably shouldn’t be trying to live on her own, even though she’s nearly 30. She needs help.

It just won’t be coming from me.

51

I don’t give loans of anything to anybody. I have been burned too many times. In college, my roommate ran out of gas and asked if I could give lend him some gas money. I knew he was about a week away from a paycheck and would need more than five dollars so I filled him up, about forty dollars. He said he had to go inside to use the restroom and came back out with a package of beef jerky and a drink!!! WTF! It took me about 3 months to get that forty dollars back because he kept spending it on crap like nintendo DS’s (had had 2 or 3). Forty dollars doesn’t sound like much, but on a fixed income in college it can mean the difference between ramen and decent food. To be fair, I should have realized in the first place that I would have needed the money back in a reasonable amount of time, and not risked it.

I have also made the mistake of lending tools out to people and have them returned damaged or entirely broken. Sometimes the borrower made it right, sometimes not. It amazes me how careless people can be with other people’s stuff. Now if someone asks to borrow a tool, I’ll tell them I don’t generally lend out my tools anymore, but if they’d like I will bring them over and help them with their project, or they can bring it over here. After all, we are friends.

52

Recently an unemployed sibling was in dire need of $500, and when I said OK, she asked if it would be a loan or a gift. Now I was going to gift it to her, then I stopped myself and said it was a loan with an open ended paybeck time frame.
In my mind it’s gifted and I probably won’t bring it up to her again, but i figure at least she’ll hit up another family member before coming back to me for another “loan”.

Though her situatiion is genuine and she and her partner are really trying to keep their heads above water on one income. Normally we don’t exchange birthday gifts, but this year I gave her a gift subscrition to Netflix, someting to keep depression at bay…

53

I am never, ever, lending money to friends again.*

In May 2008, I lent $10,000 to an old and dear friend. Yes, ten thousand dollars.

He claimed to be in a short term cash flow crisis, awaiting the settlement for the marital home following his divorce.

I happened to be (temporarily) cash-rich, having released equity on my own property to commence refurbishment work, which was on hold until communal roof repairs were complete.

To date I have not seen a penny, and it’s just awful. He claims that because of the collapse of the property market, he didn’t get what he was expecting in the settlement, and is now virtually bankrupt.

It hangs over every conversation we have. How is he meant to tell me if he’s got any vacation plans, or if he’s got his girlfriend anything nice for Valentine’s, or what he got his kids for Christmas, or what concerts he’s been to or CDs he’s bought lately - when the whole time I’m thinking “And you can afford that how, exactly”? But I can’t grudge him his life continuing, can I? Or can I?

Meanwhile, I eventually started my refurbishment over a year later than planned, and now I’m thinking I’d love to redo the kitchen as well as the bathroom, but I can’t afford it. Because I’m out of pocket $10,000 from my original budget.

Why should I not get a new kitchen, because his divorce settlement didn’t go as planned (and he constantly lives outwith his means)? Not fair, and there’s very, very little I can do about it.

*I bet I do. But it will only be amounts I’m prepared to lose.

54

I have a friend that used to ask for $20 here and there and would pay me back on his payday. One time he asked if he could borrow $150 to get enough gas to drive up and see his wife’s new cow she inherited and feed it, and I think sell it. I forgot about that money for about 6 months, so I’m sure he had long forgotten it. $150 isn’t a lot, but he proved he wasn’t capable of repaying it. He doesn’t ask often anymore, maybe 3 times a year, but he’s limited to $20 again. We’re still good friends.