So, in this fantasy, is Bill O’Reilly whacked too? Or just me? Are the doors locked? Armed guards? Are they, like me, masters of Cringing Mantis Kung Fu? Is there capital punishment in Amsterdam? Would that apply to a guy who strangled Bill O’Reilly? Would it still apply if the guy were, like, really really high and maybe mistook him for a rabid penguin?
My friend Andi, because she’s as cool as they come.
As for celebrities and luminaries, I’d rather meet them at a nice quiet pub, where I wouldn’t be nearly as likely to fall flat on my face conversationally.
Well, I wouldn’t have minded smoking a joint with Spalding Gray, because he seemed like an old friend anyway. And he’d probably be the anxious and insecure one at the table, and the default role for the other participant would be the Reassuring Voice. “It’s all right Spalding – You can’t get The Fear-- this is Amsterdam!”
Tim Leary would be okay too, because he had that whole non-judgemental, relativist vibe going on.
If I could cheat and take a bit of MDMA before going out to get past all the anxiety, I’d have to say James Joyce. Or John Lennon. Or James Joyce and John Lennon. Of course, then I’d probably get distracted and spend all afternoon in the corner playing with the hem of Björk’s dress. Oooh. I’ve never seen Rayon like this before! I love you, you know.
It’d be amusing to hang out with Nixon if I could zap him back to life… I’d tell him how the commies won and that we were sitting only a few blocks from the White House. Then I’d watch as he looks for the nearest sharp pointy object for his return trip.
Well, I’m not saying they weren’t cool dudes and all, but I got to eliminate the dead ones. I ain’t down with toking up alongside of none of that, man. I mean, there’s the Grateful Dead, you know, and then there’s old skeletons and worms and putrescent gassy stuff and, well, I guess by now mostly just skeletons, at least in most cases, I guess, I don’t know how long it takes, but hey, I’m not toastin no cheeber with the bones of Jimi or President Kennedy, I mean what if I’m holding a bit hit and I look over and it looks like he’s looking right back at me out of that eye socket, you know? Downer, man, I mean, that could like scar you for life or something, after that every time you lean over a bong, man, you’d be thinking oh shit when I look up it’s gonna be creepshow, you dig? And not that O’Reilly cat either, come to think of it.