First off, I’d have to explain to all my Canadian relatives, especially my parents, how I was actually born somewhere else and nobody noticed…
My policies would be aimed towards fairness and openness, so…
I would issue executive orders for things like granting free access to the airwaves and billboards and other advertising venues for people other than Giant Corporations, making government documents and plans available on the web for free (I believe that a lot of research results and such are officially placed in the public domain already, which is a good start), mandating that cellphones be sold unlocked as well as locked, requiring that interfaces and connectors and operating-system APIs and technical standards and things like that be publicly-documented, and so on. Assuming that’s within my powers, of course.
OK, this would pull my head out of the boring documents. I would laugh my butt off if I could bury “code” in policy documents, starting with stunts like making the first letter of every new sentence/new paragraph/whatever appear to spell out secret instructions to my Alien Overlords, but with enough errors to allow for plausible deniability.
Er… NOT going into politics, going into politics and doing that would be a bad idea. I proofread that edit like six times too to make sure something like that didn’t happen. :smack:
And at a few press conferences just start hissing your s’s ever so slightly more the farther you get into it, for extra effect wear less makeup than usual to make your natural features stand out… people will then think they’re scales.
Is this really a necessary step? I’d think the president already has the highest security clearance by default.
I’d order the White House to be repainted Neon Green. Then I would issue an executive order requiring that all citizens wear silly hats. Then before the Senate got together to vote on removing me from office I would organize a heavenly orgy amongst all the female interns.
Simple.
Every weekend would be a kick-ass party with at least one world-famous celebrity singer/performer, and I would invite every world leader (not on the same weekend, but over the course of time as many as possible) and get to know every one by first name and try to bond as much as possible. Hilary would be in charge of the karaoke machine and kegs of beer. These parties would be private and steal the Las Vegas motto, “What happens at White House parties, stays at White House parties!”
My rationale would be that by getting to know all those leaders in a comfortable environment, one-on-one, it would make diplomacy a lot easier. It is a lot harder to hate someone if you know them personally and have some common ground. Plus, later you can just get on the phone and chat like friends instead of worrying about every word and syllable during the conversation.
Wouldn’t guarantee world peace, but would sure make it easier to have a conversation if you shared a few experiences and can laugh together, recalling two world leaders drunk karaoke version of Muskrat Love.
All the military would do is set up “FAKE” secret things for you to look at. That would satisfy you and you’d be so busy looking at the fake stuff you’d never know.
In the last days of the Nixon Administration, the people around him already had plans made in case they felt Nixon was getting out of hand or going to do something insane. The Supreme Court also did this, I recall when they had a really old justice. They agreed that any 4/5 split where that one older justice ruled and made the difference would be re-reviewed once he left. But then he retired so it was never brought into force.
It’s worth noting that some of the stuff people have mentioned would require support in Congress as it could only be effected through legislation. Arguably some of it may even require a constitutional amendment.
Heh, reminds me of a Bill Hicks skit.
"I have a feeling, when you become President, you’re taken to a smoky room where the industrialists who got you elected are waiting, puffing on cigars. The room darkens, a screen comes down and it’s a video of the Kennedy assassination from an angle you’ve never seen before. That looks suspiciously like it’s taken from the Grassy Knoll. Then the lights go back on.
I used to plan to be the worst PotUS ever, so as to encourage the US to abolish the office. I was going to invade N. Korea & invest all my time in giving it a new government on feudal lines. I would seek asylum there when impeached.
Every odd numbered year I would declare that July 4 was a national block party and that every town in the country that wanted to should have a hot dog, burger and pizza and beer bash, and music and dancing. D.C. would have a live feed to smaller towns that didn’t have bands for all day long and we could pipe them the Stones and Springsteen and whoever the kids like.
I’d have the DHS investigate 9/11 and subpoena everyone with no exceptions to talk on the record and under oath, including Bush (like he knows anything) and Cheney and Rumsfeld and that crowd would have to talk. I’d make them listen to Barbara Boxer and Nancy Pelosi drone on forever if they refused.
I’d let everyone who wanted to become an unpaid federal employee just so they could get the same health plan that federal employees and tools of Congress get.
I’d propose to reinstate a graduated progressive income tax that lessened the rate on people making minimum wages down to nothing, and I’d propose to increase the rates for people making over a quarter million a year to over 50 percent. I’d propose to raise the estate tax threshold to 5 million for an exemption and index that for inflation. I’d propose to make corporations, domestic and foreign, pay taxes like everyone else. I’d propose a law that allowed human beings to claim any privilege that corporations are allowed to claim with respect to taxes or otherwise. I’d propose lowering taxes on virtually everyone making less than a 100,000 a year.
I’d have a national David Caruso film festival week that included a Miami CSI marathon. No NYPD Blue. No, not that. Bad idea.
If I was President, I’m going to the United States Bullion Deposity at Fort Knox at taking a tour. (side question as any president actually done this?)
Also, I’m going on one of our carriers. and saying “Okay Captain Lets open her up and see what this baby can do.”
