Wotan awful pun. You Hodder be ashamed.
I did refer to shoplifting, but I had intended my post to be inclusive of all forms of shrinkage. Besides, as far as I’m aware, Ikea sells items smaller than chairs that could be shoplifted, and I was casting my net wider than simply the occasion listed in the OP (hence the reference to my employer’s policy). Sorry for not being more expansive.
“Yeah, Jim, I think he’s fat enough to have slipped that office chair inside his coat. Yup, that ginormous fatass certainly could have managed it. Let him return it.”
That would go over well.
-Joe
You missed this one.
So can we have more parodies of Ikea names? I’ve been reading them to my SO and we’re laughing like mad over here.
(He’d like to order a freffen froofer and a flarke. Are those U.S. products only?)
ETA: He wants two freffen froofers. Two. And make the flarke well done.
Cry Hlock and Let Slip the Valkyries of War.
Shoot, I’ve been wanting to ask YOU that (glad that you’re amused, not annoyed). Do any of their names mean anything, or are they messing with Swedes, too?
A video that purports to be an advertisement of an IKEA sale, and certainly messes with the Swedes.
We make fun of Ikea’s naming habit too - it’s really goofy, and it’s always fun to find out what piece of furniture bears your name. As for the names, yes - they all mean something. Most of them seem to be placenames (towns, lakes, mountains etc), verbs (there’s a pillow called “Cuddle”), adjectives (“Helpful” etc) and first names. There’s a certain system to it in that sections of furniture are named by category. For example there was a big fuss in the Danish papers recently because Ikea have given their entire carpet collection Danish names. As opposed to Norway for example, who gets to be cushy bedroom furniture. But the Danes get to name stuff you tread on. Insert remembrances of Sweden and Denmark warring for centuries.
But I do have to say that none of the Nordic languages have words like “freffen froofer”. 
To us, that sounds like Dutch or something. If you want to make fun of Swedish, let rip with more double consonants and umlauts (never double vowels). Then you’re in business.
That was a fantastic video! And not too far from the truth. I mean, that’s what we’ve done for centuries: dance around phallic symbols, binge drink moonshine, fight, and shag random people. Except not everyone wears national costume these days.
Some still do.
Oooh! I like umlauts! Let’s see… from memory, last time my husband and I went, we got:
änärkin fisks
varrgen bed
two börgs for the bathroom
barm böökcase
hallik cushions
How’d I do? More umlauts? I actually think these are pretty darn close to the right names, especially the bookcase. I know it was between the BILLY bookcase or the BARM one, if I remember correctly. I’m only half-joking with the borgs, I just wanted to use umlauts on it. To me, borg = cyborg. But I feel like I’ve seen it at IKEA, anyway.
Either way, they’re fun to say. even if they don’t mean anything at all.
ETA: it might have been barma…
[Hijack] Say what you will about Best Buy, but I can walk into mine and describe something that I bought a year ago, and they’ll print out a receipt for me. [/hijack]
Grammanaut, has Hordy Gordy Bordy always been your location, or did you change it because of this thread?
Signed,
LEKSVIK and MARKOR owner (what do those mean?)
Just wanted to add that I have returned plenty of items to the Massachusetts IKEA without a receipt – as recently as last Saturday. They just type in your driver’s license info and give you store credit on a card. Then when they see my license, I usually end up having a nice chat with the customer service folks about how far I drive to come to IKEA…but where else am I going to buy dammsugare and hällakaka?
FTR – my husband also has the Joakim chair! It’s three years old now and has taken a beating from him and my 4 year old without any problems yet.
Good ear. A bit of Dutch and a lot of something.
Freffen is mentioned in Webster’s (1913) under the definition for drub: G. & D. freffen to hit, touch.
Froofer is best illustrated, so here’s a video in which three young women define froofing, and here is an excerpt on froofing in a young nanny’s blog: "Karen did Kelli’s hair and make-up, Joni handled the nails, Mindee delved right into a pre-sex pep talk while I rubbed her back and feet and lent moral support (and some valuable and not well-known insight about female physiology I gathered from my Sex Class at KU). We saw her off to the Temple, and Joni, Karen and I tidied up the place a bit and froofed. Well-Joni and Karen froofed-I’m terribly low-maintainence and not much of a Froofer. Besides who wants to spend too much time Froofing when you needed to ice your face when you woke up?”
From the above, you can pretty much get the idea of what a freffen froofer is. Like I said above, freffen froofers have been legal for sale in Texas for just under a couple of weeks.
We call all IKEA products “Fjard Snarm.” My 4 dining chairs and 2 office chairs are all from IKEA and all at least 6 years old.
Einherjar the first time: Aesir beyond help, so stick it up Yggdrasil.
[hijack]
Thanks a bunch, Fessie. The receipt cracked me up!
And I’m so sorry but I can’t help it…LOLkea!
Table “LOL”
Chair “OMG”
Mirror “WTF”
Cupboard “ROFL”
Lamp “LMAO”
[/hijack]
Hahaha, you guys made my morning.
Anastaseon, that was very well done, especially *änärkin fisks *- I liked that one. 
And there’s always room for more umlauts! Watch out though, use too many and you’ll end up with Finnish.
Scout1222, I did change my location because of this thread. As for Leksvik, it’s a town. Markör (note the umlaut!) means marker.
Muffin, thanks for the explanation of the words - I had no idea they meant something!
And that’s a problem why, exactly? 