[be gentle, it’s my first time]
IMPORTANT DELIVERY LETTER–PERSONAL RESPONSE REQUESTED —
They have been trying to reach about about my $1,000,000
sweapstakes entry (payable in 30 annual instllatment of $33,333.34 each)… Ok, just send me the f*cking money,
I won’t turn it down. … Just don’t send me 20 fucking
mailings indtended to give me a hard on because you employed a high school intern to layout your ‘telegram’ look alike. I’ve been around the block a few times, and we stopped taking telegrams decades ago. You really didn’t think that I’d yank that from my mailbox, think I had a cool
million coming to me, call Eve, and make arrangments for the rest of my live did you? And why were you so suprised when I called you all breathless wanting my million dollars?
You couldn’t even take a joke, the same joke you found somehow to send me in the mail? You may not have found it humouros, but I meant. it Don’t send me any more of this shit again, or I’ll have Vito come over and pull your plugs a six-pack at time…
Nut sweat.
You wanted a personal response… You got it~!
Ooo, that’s a good one - call back and demand your million!
Sadly, my grandmother was convinced that the Prize Patrol was going to end up on her doorstep during the Super Bowl. It was kind of sad - no amount of logic (or even the stated odds) would convince her, as some “nice lady” said she was in the drawing. {sigh}
Esprix
Gaaa! Who doesn’t despise that dishonest shit? “You May Have Won the opportunity to send us a Big Fat Cheque!” Fuck off!
(Mailbox and phone spam are the bane of my existence, but that rant is for another day. It’s too nice outside today to get up a good head of steam.)
This has probably been said before, but I think it bears repeating. You can reduce the amount of mailbox and phone spam you get by contacting the Direct Marketing Association and using their Mail Preference Service, e-mail Preference Service and Telephone Preference Service. This won’t keep away the dishonest scumbags, but it will reduce the flood to a more manageable flow.
Regarding the telephone spam, the DMA’s Telephone Preference Service won’t stop the following (list taken from this site):
- Anyone calling regarding an outstanding debt or obligation.
- Volunteers calling on behalf of a charitable organization.
- Newspapers regarding advertising or sales.
- Banks with business relating to banking services other than credit card offers.
- Motor vehicle dealers, insurance agents, real estate agents, funeral establishments or from licensed investment brokers regarding the sale of their products and services.
- Anyone with prior written permission to call you.
- Any business with whom you have had a relationship with in the past 36 months.
I’ve taken to writing down the caller’s name, conpany name and the date they called and then clearly requesting that they remove my phone number from their call list. If that company calls again, I report them to the DMA and the BBB. Then I go over and stuff a pirannah down their trousers.