One day last week, I was walking somewhere and the thought popped into my head that I’m 56, and I’ve never seen a picture of my Dad’s father. I have no clue what he looks like.
Some background - my Dad was born a few years before the Great Depression. He grew up with two older sisters in Baltimore. At some point, when he was still fairly young, his parents (my grandparents) divorced.
I could never get my Dad to tell me much about his father, or what the grounds of divorce were. He told me that his father was emotionally (but not physically) abusive. Other than that, I have no clue. The subject of Grandpa was never mentioned unless I brought it up. From what little I heard, he remarried and abused alcohol at some point later in life. I know my Dad sent him at money at some point, but I don’t know the circumstances behind that. He was not at my parents wedding, and died two years before I was born.
I was never able to ask my Grandma about him; she died when I was 4 years old. (She was crossing a street in a town in Pennsylvania, and was hit and killed by an 18 year old kid speeding down the road.)
My cousins on my Dad’s side are all older, but none of them have any memories of him. I’ve asked. My sister has many old photo albums, but she couldn’t tell me if Grandpa was in any pictures because we don’t have a clue what he looks like.
All we do know for sure is the location of his grave. My sister’s been there two or three times (she went with our father), but I’ve never been.
It seems odd that I have a grandparent that I could not prove existed, except for a grave. No pictures, no evidence.
My husband has never seen a photo of his grandfather. He didn’t even know who his grandfather really was until a few years ago. Grandma got pregnant while still single and this tidbit was kept a secret by his mother for years; she didn’t know who her real father was herself until she was a teenager. My husband has been trying to find out more about him, but so far he’s just a name with very few details attached.
I have a third cousin who didn’t know where his own mother was buried until just recently - I found her obituary for him. I thought that was much odder, but I didn’t grow up around that family so I’ve no idea of the dynamics there.
Not quite, but I was in my early teens before I discovered my maternal Grandmother was still alive. She walked out when my Mum was little and, though my parents say they hadn’t actively tried to keep her existence secret, no-one had ever mentioned her. My paternal grandparents were dead, and even the only member of the family she did occasionally contact, her brother, who was basically an extra grandpa for me, didn’t mention her, so I just vaguely assumed she’d died.
She actually died when I was 30, 5 years ago, but I never met her. Spoke on the phone once, got a birthday card twice, but that was it. Her second husband was really controlling, and didn’t want her talking to her ‘old family’, and by the time he died, she was so far gone, mentally and physically that there didn’t seem a lot of point travelling 500 miles to see her.
I’ve only ever seen one photo of her, taken shortly after she married Grandpa. Mum found it while clearing out Grandpa’s house, brought it back, and stuck it next to a picture of me, age 16. The two pictures could have been the same person, a couple of years apart.
We found what is likely the only picture in existence of my great-grandmother (Mom’s mom’s mom) when we were cleaning out Gran’s stuff after she died last summer. It was taken at Gran and Granddad’s wedding. My mom barely remembered her as she died when my mom was just a kid. As far as any of us know there aren’t any pictures of my great-grandfather, at least no one remembers ever seeing one. He died when Gran was a teenager.
I’ve seen lots of pictures of all of my other great-grandparents, including a few here and there with me in them. I was just a baby in most of the pictures so I have no memory of most of my great-grandparents. I’m glad that my nieces will remember at least a couple of their great-grandparents and there are lots of pictures around for them to remember them by.
I’ve never seen photos of either of my grandfathers. They both died long before I was born —- in the 1930’s. Photos just weren’t that common. I never though anything about it until I saw this thread.
My other grandfather, my mom’s father, also died quite young - my mom was 10 or 11 years old. Apparently, he had some type of diabetes, and needed a candy bar or something because his sugar was too low; he collapsed on the street and died. But there are plenty of pictures of him - in basic training for WW I, with my grandmother, with my mom and her siblings. Heck, we have letters and telegrams that he sent to my grandma when they were courting!
I can easily beat that. My father and mother (never married) broke up while I was a toddler–I’ve never had contact with him (even though he lives in the same area, and is still alive as far as I know) and never seen a photograph of him or his parents. My mother’s parents divorced 25 years before I was born, there was no more contact with my maternal grandfather, and all photos of him were destroyed. So at 45 I’ve seen photos of only 1 out of 2 parents and only 1 out of 4 grandparents.
Beyond that gap, there has been extensive genealogical work done on my mother’s side of the family, so I have photos of great-grandparents, great-great-grandparents, even great-great-great grandparents.
Oh, and some of the great-great-great grandparents I have photos of? I find the location of their graves interesting. See that roundish clump of trees just to the left of Northern Tool Equipment on this Google Maps image? That is a family cemetery on what was once the family’s farm. Zoom out and you can see that the area is not quite farm-like any more.
My paternal grandfather died before I was born, and I only happened on a picture of him when I was about your age, Shinna. He looked like quite a happy fellow. I can tell the picture was taken in the late 40s, which would make him quite a bit younger than I am now. In my mind he looks older, but I might be biased.
Not even as much as a grave for my paternal grandfather. He left my grandmother when my Dad was very young. It was the went to the store and didn’t come home trope in reality. Not much about that side of the family has ever been talked about. A couple years ago a family tree project in high school had my niece bring up the question… with lots of sharp intakes of breath. My Dad did answer some of her questions. That was the first time I ever found out his Dad’s name. I couldn’t tell you what his first name was at this point though.
Same here. My grandfather left the family when my dad was a boy, and I didn’t see a picture of him until recently, around the time I turned 40. They were right, I look just like him…
I’ve never seen a photo of my paternal grandfather, and there’s nobody left who ever knew him. You know how family members often sit around talking about the good ole days and other family members? Well, in all the years I can remember, only twice was he ever mentioned. One, he was a teamster, and two, he was very strict. That’s it. That’s everything I know about the man. And his name. He died of tuberculosis in 1933, and his wife survived him by over 30 years (and two more husbands). I was close to her as a child for a couple of years, but it never occurred to me to ask her about him. I remember going with my father to visit my grandfather’s grave, but I have no idea where it was.
I never met my maternal grandfather as he died before I was born. I do have a couple of photos of him though. My paternal grandfather I knew a bit, but I don’t have but a couple of photos of him.
My father on the other hand never met or had photos of two of his grandparents. His paternal grandfather died in 1936, there are no known photos of him. His maternal grandmother left the family and died in 1947. His side of the family had never seen photos of her until I met one of her sons a few years ago.
I do wish I had more photos of my great and great great grandparents. A lot of them had the money and in the right time frame to have had them taken. I’m sure there are some out there somewhere, it’s just finding them.
I’m in pretty much the same boat. My paternal grandparents were married in 1920, and split before my father was born a year later. My grandmother dealt with the divorce the only way she could in that time and place; she never had anything to do with another man until she died, as far as we know.
I just finished reading a book based on this exact topic: White Like Her by Gail Lukasik.
She had never seen a picture of her grandfather, and when she started researching, she discovered that he was mixed race, and that her mother had cut off all contact in order to pass as white.
My own family is well documented. I have pictures of all of my grandparents and three sets of great-grandparents.
Similar here, I’m 54, and my father and his mother fled the Soviet Union a long while back, claiming my grandfather (whom I only know as a first name) was seized by the KGB or its predecessor. More likely is that she simply left him, but who knows.
I’m into genealogy and family history and am lucky to have photos of all eight of my great-grandparents. I even have photos of baby me with two of them.
One of the joys of ancestry.com is finding photos of ancestors posted by unknown relatives. Seeing a photo of a long-dead relative makes me pause in wonder. Without that person, I wouldn’t be here. I literally carry part of that person in me.
It doesn’t have to be a photo. My third cousin (his great-grandfather is the brother of my great-grandfather) and I work on genealogy together. Little is known about his great-grandfather, and no photo exists that we know of. A couple of years ago I received a box of correspondence saved by my grandmother. In it was a postcard from cousin’s great-grandfather to my grandfather (his nephew). The postcard was probably fairly racy for the times. When I handed cousin the postcard for the first time, we both just stood in awe for about 30 seconds. That postcard had been touched by his great-grandfather.
I have a few things like that. I found a couple of letters from a great grandmother that I was told had totally cut off communication with the family. It was so great to find them and know she had written them.
I was given a clock a couple of years ago that belonged to my great-great grandparents. At first I didn’t really care for it, it’s been painted, parts of the wood are missing. I thought really hard about getting it fixed as it needed to be cleaned and have parts replaced. It cost me $450 to do, but now I love it. When I first heard it chime I realized that my great-great grandparents had heard it chime, along with their kids, his wife, most likely my grandmother, and so many other family members have probably heard and used that clock.
