Oh, god, you mean there are good suits and bad ones?
I’m from WNY, and, um, I wouldn’t really use WNY as a metric of standard American men’s fashion. JMHO.
Yes.
You only THINK no one batted an eye at the jacket-less ones. I can imagine there was some tsk-ing and a bit of head shaking, maybe even a little eye-rolling that you never noticed. And a few "Oh, well, it’s Justin Bailey, what did we REALLY expect"s being muttered. but they were all too polite to say anything to your face, though a few probably patted your mom on the hand and said, “We know, dear, it’s hard. We know you tried with that boy…at least he wore a tie and some lovely shoes.”
Might be a generational thing, too. I’m only 23, so most of my weddings have been recent, with friends in their 20s getting married. Perhaps that’s why my experiences have been more casual? Also, the only older generation one (my uncle, a couple years ago), the bride was Italian, so maybe that’s why it was Italian-style (off of what Justin_Bailey said).
I wear Italian suits.
While I gave my actual advice above, my actual experience matches Justin_Bailey’s. I’ve actually wore a suit and tie and felt out of place because only the wedding party was wearing them. Fortunately, you can take a coat off.
I also find that, in most places other than weddings, there seems to be an age discrepancy, where younger men will only be in dress shirts, while older men wear suits, and consider both the same level of formality.
Finally, I really can’t imagine going to a wedding of someone who would actually look down on me for wearing the wrong thing. Yeah, it’s worth not trying to stand out, but I don’t think it should ruin the day or anything.
Hey guys, thanks all for the advice. So as it turns out, I should be okay in a dress shirt and slacks.
However, new question: I may be going to a dinner party tomorrow before the wedding, but after the rehearsal. Should I wear the same thing there?
Tom Scud and I had a smallish (just under 100 people) wedding, and everyone there was either a close friend or close family member, so I have a pretty decent memory of everyone we saw that day, believe it or not. The first friend apologized profusely that the dry cleaner had left him suitless with a plane to catch, and the other friend literally doesn’t own anything more formal than jeans and a camo jacket. (As in not one single shirt with a collar, or any footwear more formal than hiking boots.) It’s a point of pride for him; it’s just who he is. He could take jobs that pay twice as much as the one he has, for example, but then he would have to be at least slightly less casual, so he doesn’t.
I really didn’t care what anyone wore. I was astonished how many people asked me what they should wear - I just told them “wear whatever makes you feel festive!”
But yes, the vast majority of men were in at least slacks and a collared shirt and tie, and the vast majority of women wore skirts or dresses. And that, in my experience, is the general minimum level of dressiness for the vast majority of weddings I’ve been to.
The same style of outfit is fine, but different shirt (obviously) and different pants.
I am not sure if you mean that you are or are not wearing a tie to the wedding, but I would say a tie is much less needed for the rehearsal dinner.
Could you explain this a bit? I don’t understand what you’re going to here - a dinner party that is not connected to this wedding? A dinner party that is being held between the rehearsal and the actual wedding? Rehearsal is Friday, then you’re going to a different dinner party after that, and then the wedding on Saturday?
I went to a wedding in Austin last weekend. There was a luncheon for the wedding party after the rehearsal, then an informal gathering that evening for anybody interested. The wedding party was rather small, but guests had come from all over the country.
The evening gathering was quite informal–in an Austin bar. But I could see a slightly more formal get together so everybody could have some time together. Not just the wedding party.
(The wedding was outside, in the evening. Men wore suits, jackets & slacks, or dress shirts with slacks. A few wore boots–dress boots. Women wore dresses of various styles.)
Male daisy dukes, a wife beater (skulls drawn on with a Sharpie), and Tiddies!
Right–sorry if that was confusing, I wrote it quickly. Friday: Rehearsal, Dinner. Saturday: Wedding.
So do people dress up for rehearsals too? If so, would I be expected to dress up for the dinner even if I’m not at the rehearsal?
My experience is that people dress up a bit more for the actual wedding than the rehearsal or dinner. The idea of wearing a tie for one and not the other is a good one.
Also, if you actually bought new clothes, or have better looking or fitting ones of the same type, you’d save those for the wedding. You actually can wear the oldest stuff to a dinner, due to the whole not wanting to ruin anything if you accidentally spill something.
:rolleyes: Then half the guest list was getting tsk tsked.
I remember from my wedding that my maid-of-honour’s husband wore brown dress pants and a dress shirt but not a suit. I thought it was a tad more casual than I would have expected, but didn’t think of it beyond that (the spouses of wedding party members are often included in pictures as well). The bottom line - I noticed what he was wearing, but I noticed a lot more that he was there to share our wedding day, and we all had a good time.
I would wear something business casual for the dinner after the rehearsal - it’s not exactly a jeans and t-shirt dinner, but not as formal as the wedding reception, either.
What you should wear, just like any other time, depends on context. Where is the rehearsal dinner being held? If it’s being held in a nice restaurant, wear whatever you (or your girlfriend) feels would be appropriate for that venue. If it will be at a family-style restaurant, you can probably go a bit more casual. If it’s going to be a cookout in someone’s backyard, then you can go more casual yet.
Dressing for a wedding or a wedding rehearsal isn’t much different from dressing for anything else, you need to know what the formality level of the event is and dress accordingly. If you don’t know the level, you ask someone who does. If there is no one you feel comfortable asking, take your cue from the venue. If you think you know the formality level, but you don’t know what it means, do you know anyone who always seems to be dressed just right whatever the occasion? Ask their advice.
Don’t discount that. 
I think if you wear something comfortable and at least somewhat dressy you should be fine. Your attitude about what you’re wearing will have much more impact than the actual outfit. I have an uncle whose idea of semi-formal is jeans, a tweed jacket and a Rush concert t-shirt. For formal events he wears a plain t-shirt with no concert logo under the tweed jacket. I honestly wouldn’t care about it if his attitude about it wasn’t, “Fuck you for trying to make me conform! I’ll wear what I damn well please and you will be HAPPY to have me grace you with my presence!” If it was more of a, “I’m so happy to celebrate this special day with you and I am going to try my best to look nice for the big event!” no one would think twice about it.
If you mean that literally - the exact same clothing, then no, no you should not.