…and I never thought something like this would happen to me. But last week, I was late getting to class, and had to sit in the back, next to a goregeous…
Sound familiar?
When I was younger, and first reading them, Penthouse Forum letters were… quite intriguing. Not only very exciting themselves, they spoke to the worlds of erotic delight that awaited after high school - in college, the workplace, from pizza delivery girls, and every domestic and international flight I would ever take.
As I got a little older, though, I began to notice a certain… similarity… in writing styles for all of these various correspondents. Same words, same phrases, same mannerisms. It began to occur to me that maybe these weren’t all written by different people.
Or perhaps all these sexually liberated people just had the same creative-writing teacher at that large, midwestern university.
Rick
(Shayna’s comment in the Taste of a Woman thread made me think of this And for the record, while other curiosities have since been satisfied, I wait in vain for the cute pizza delivery girl willing to be creative about accepting a tip.)
When I was a student at a large Midwestern university, my pizza was always cold when it finally showed up. Apparently I was always missing the “creative tip” experience by one delivery. Damn!
I once read an article by the editor who put one of these letter columns together. She (yes she) said that despite general public disbelief, virtually all of these letters were actually received in the mail. However, she admitted they did no fact checking so a large percentage of these letters were fictitious and undoubtedly inspired by previous letters. In addition many letters had serious spelling and grammatical errors, as well as more serious structural problems, and needed to be extensively edited. These factors, along with a certain narrowness of subject, did lead to some sense of repetition.
Being a former pizza delivery guy, let me relate my one true story on this vein:
One night, a co-worker called up and ordered. He asked that a certain other delivery guy be assigned to deliver, because they were going to tease him by having a female friend of theirs lead him on.
Well, we started to get busy, and the victim of their joke was on delivery clear across the Army base. So I took the order. I called ahead and told my co-worker that their victim was busy.
When I got there, a cute blonde answered and invited me in. Nobody else was there. I then realized that she hadn’t been told that I wasn’t the mark. She started acting flirty and mentioning how she could pay for the pizza. I stopped her and told her that I wasn’t the target. Then my co-worker and a few other friends came out of hiding. He paid me, and said that I should have let things go on. Then I realized that she had become the new mark. She got this too, and started to hit my co-worker about the deception.
What would Brian Boitano do / If he was here right now /
He’d make a plan and he’d follow through / That’s what Brian Boitano would do.
I was once up for a job writing those very letters. I asked my mother is she’d be upset if I got a job writing things like “I was a lesbian piss slave” (I swear, that was one of my test assignments) and she said, “depends on how much it pays, dear.”
Like many other people with a degree in burger-flipping (aka English), I almost had a job like Eve’s opportunity – as one of the editors of the “barely legal girls” mags produced by Crescent. One of my duties would have been writing “girl copy” (the narration that goes along with the pictures, from the model’s POV) and occasional letters. From what I’ve found out, “Letters” books are happy to accept submissions from real people, but neither do they have any qualms about making up stories as they go along.
–Da Cap’n
“Playin’ solitaire 'til dawn
With a deck of fifty-one.”
Penthouse Forum is the best thing that ever happened to horny high school kids. Of both sexes.
::blushing::
My husband actually had a forumesque experience. He was in college and drunk (shocker!) when a magazine saleswoman showed up at his door. They flirted and ended up having sex on his couch. The next morning he woke up, realized that she was one scary-lookin’ woman, cooked her breakfast, bought some mags out of guilt and avoided her forever after.
He hates it when I tease him about it…
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
And for the record, while other curiosities have since been satisfied, I wait in vain for the cute pizza delivery girl willing to be creative about accepting a tip.)