of 20 years and i’m nervous as hell… posting here to shake off some of the nervous energy and hopefully not have an excruciatingly painful meeting with HR
Why are you nervous? They’re the ones who are going to have to scramble to replace an awesome employee like you.
thank you for the perspective! i hate conflict and i don’t want to be the cause of someone being angry / upset / whatever… but i know that’s a pretty darn childish way of looking at this
So, why are you quitting?
current company has had a bunch of layoffs recently and although my job is not at risk (afaik) it has become an increasingly unpleasant place to work… another opportunity happened along at the right time and here we are
I would suggest that your spin when it comes to the HR meeting is not that the current company is bad, but that the other company offered you a better deal. Also, if the new job is in another location, a white lie about being closer to relatives could smooth things over.
absolutely! have no intention of trashing this company, 20 years is a long time and it’s been a (mostly) good run
Just quit. Do it by email if you want to avoid confrontation. You are absolutely entitled to quit your job any time you want. They could fire you any time they want and it won’t create any anxiety for them.
It’s vanishingly unlikely anyone will be angry, and if they are, just walk away - what are they going to do, fire you?
It’s more likely they try to sweeten the deal to convince you to stay if you’ve been a valuable employee for 20 years.
And honestly, when resigning, the less said the better. Take an example from Richard Nixon.
Let’s be clear about something… you don’t owe them an explanation, a reason or anything regarding why you are taking another opportunity. You are not asking for permission or a blessing.
You are informing them.
If you’re giving them 2 weeks notice, that’s 2 weeks more than you are legally required to give them, and they may ask you to clear out your desk ASAP anyway.
You’ve already done the hard part, deciding to make a change. This is the easy part because you don’t have to take any guff about it, and you can tell that directly to HR or your boss or the CEO if they start getting cranky.
lol don’t think i didn’t consider it
Why are you nervous about meeting with HR? It’s not like they can fire you. You’re already quitting. 
Be prepared for this too. Some companies have that as a policy that they escort resigning employees out immediately. So if you have any personal files on a PC or anything, get copies & erase them before you turn in your resignation.
i would be 100% fine if this happened but i don’t think so, they need the help
Forgive me, but I don’t understand this.
HR has no power to make anything excruciating to you any longer. You have freed yourself of their power.
You have regained the basic human right to give zero fucks what they think. In a sane world, this will be dispassionate and professional, but if not, let the unprofessionalism be on them and just roll off your back because you owe them practically nothing.
Don’t think of this as breaking up with a long-time partner. You’re not going to hurt anyone’s feelings by quitting. I assure you, HR doesn’t care about you as an individual. Their loyalty is to the company, not the employees. And I would do it by email so you have a paper trail if needed. It may also make it easier for you to maintain an impersonal tone.
Have you already received your acceptance letter from the new company? If not, hold off on quitting until you get it.
It doesn’t really help to say anything negative in your exit interview. The company isn’t going to take any action to improve things based on what you say. Just say things like the new job is an exciting opportunity that you couldn’t pass up and stuff like that.
I know HR is not going to care but I have colleagues who will go bananas and that’s what I’m struggling with. PEOPLE CHANGE JOBS ALL THE DAMN TIME, it’s just a part of life, but I think because I’ve been here for so long that it’s like… whoa
Ah! I can understand that. It’s part of your life, your habits. Those are the people you see and talk to all week long, they are you friends and colleagues, you’re a fixture in the office. It can be as difficult a break up as with any relationship. I do recommend the band-aid method though, just do it fast and get it over with. There will be plenty of time to say goodbye, listen to others tell you how much they’ll miss you and how they’d like to quit too. And then you’ll see them resuming their worker ant roles while you get to leave and you’ll be happy, at least for a while.
good advice, thank you!