I'm going to beat the snot out of someone

Aside from the amazing amount of retards I encountered this morning on my 10 block bike ride into work (this rant is not about the guy who honked at me then slowed down to yell at me???) one person made me break many laws to check her out 3 times. yep 3 goddamm fucking times to make sure I’m not crazy. She is sitting in her car wearing earmuffs! Fucking earmuffs! Earmuffs earmuffs earmuffs. Now I’m one of the biggest pussies about chilly weather, I wish I had my gloves on this morning. But why the fuck would you wear earmuffs in a car? It was chilly this morning not cold, chilly. Mid to high 40’s at 8:30’ish in the morning. I don’t think that your ears would fall off on the walk to your car, it was not all that fucking windy but yet you have to wear earmuffs, and then keep them on in your fucking car. Whatthefuck?

And this was personally offensive to you… exactly why?

I can’t say for sure, but my guess is that HER EARS WERE COLD.

Get over it.

Perhaps they were cute headphones. Or she was receiving word from the mothership.

Whoa!!! Slow down!!! Sure, it all seems very silly, but is it worth beating the snot out of someone? I mean… wouldn’t someone want to beat the snot out of you for becoming a danger to traffic when you checked that woman out three times? Who’s more deserving of an ass kicking, here, the wuss who needs ear-muffs in her car, or the putz who can’t get the fuck over it?

Ahhh white Lightning…

Not really, it was just one of those mornings where I want to punch someone. And I decided that it would be better to go bonkers over someone who looked totally goofy instead of ranting over the moron in the car. This way I can bitch about something that makes me smile. And it is not all that cold out, chilly yes, cold no.

And to everyone else who I might offend by my rant please remember that this is the PIT and if I want to get up on my fucking soapbox and bitch loudly I can. Don’t make me get off of my soapbox and pillage all of ya’ll.

Who’s next?

I wear earmuffs in my car. It’s fucking cold, man! Until the heat really gets cranking, it’s bitter, bone chilling, nasty cold.

So on behalf of the woman who pissed you off with her high crime of wearing earmuffs in the car, go take a flying fuck through a rolling doughnut, pal.


Besides, they look SO DAMNED CUTE ON ME!! Trust me on this one. Just darling.

Yeah, and please remember that this IS the Pit, and that when you rant about something this anusy (I know it’s not a real word, but it rules anyway) - if the rest of us want to equip our flame-throwers, and incinerate you, we can.

Next? Next?? You better wait till I’m done.

You can climb up on your soapbox and whine as much as you like about whatever you want, but remember that this is the PIT and if I want to call you a sissy for whining about something ridiculous I can. And I will. And there will be no pillaging.

I’m done.

:: steps down off of soapbox::

ok now could all of you come a little closer …

I’m not really angry at that lady, I’m sure she was cold, and her ears were really really chilly. I apoligize for my OP.

<sigh> look I did not piss off any other drivers trying to check her out, I had to sprint many times to catch up to her, the guy who honked at me was behind me AFTER I was done checking her out, there was a parked truck ahead of me I had tons of room on the road, I was going to let him go past me but he honks at me…I raise my hand as if to say whatthefuck (no finger) he passes me then slows down to bitch at me saying that if I do it again he is going to beat me up.

Look it’s monday, early, I’m tired, the Eagles lost, I’m trying to stay happy…can’t I bitch without getting yelled at?

::gets back on soap box with a large pot and spoon::


::bangs on pot with spoon::


In The Pit? Fat chance. :smiley:

You need to chill. Ask the cats if they can score you some catnip.

Now you’re on the right track. Man, wasn’t that some shit about the Eagles, I’m pissed about that too. You can definitely bitch in the Pit, that’s what it’s for… let out your Monday-mornin frustrations. You just gotta be ready for others of us to let out our Monday-mornin frustrations by bitching, in turn, at you. Don’t take it to heart. And don’t ever apologize. Cuz now you fucked up. The Pit people are like those dogs that they always say can smell fear. They smell apology on you and they tear you to bits. I’d get down off the box and run, if I were you. Or try to fight em off with that spoon. But don’t ever give in! Either way, I’m gone. Wasted too much time in here already.

Need to chill? Let me bitch about the cats, every fucking morning I go downstairs to feed the monsters, I let Frank the cat inside and what do I get to see in my bleary, I’m not awake, burn every image I see into my brain…

Roger sniffing Franks ass…

Every fucking morning.

Psudo-homo-animalistic ass sniffing.

Every fucking morning.

This brutal assault on etymology is making my head spin.

Lil’ tip: you might get yourself flamed for that one. I’m not sure, but you just might.

grabs popcorn

Ugh… I hate popcorn.

grabs chocolate

Now, you’re talkin’!

Maybe there’s something about Mary & Warren’s sister too. Was she mumbling something about her baseball? Better be careful pal or it might be your nose that’s slinging the snot.

Were the earmuffs purple and furry? because then you might have something there. Something to really feel offended about that the pit denizens will back you up on. The assault on your fashion sensibilities, and all that.

Also, it would help if you suddenly remember you left out the detail that she had a “Support Bin Laden” bumper sticker on her car.

It won’t be first time someone backpedaled furiously and revised history to support their rant on the boards. :slight_smile:

just to make sure…

psudo-hetro-animalistic ass sniffing is ok to bitch about but if I say it is homo I get flamed?

Iggy (the female psycho cat) also sniffs Franks ass. She is not as dedicaded as Roger who needs the ass sniff as much as some people need coffee to get going in the morning.

Soooo…Iggy you better step of of sniffing my cats ass or I’m gonna throw the smack down on ya.

And to everyone who is pro-psudo-homo-hetro-animalistic ass sniffing you can get in line.

Too funny- here’s my version of the furious backpeddle for this story.

"OK, did I say she was just wearing earmuffs and driving? She actually drove up right next to me and yelled "I hate *iggers!!! I just left that part out so that you guys would judge the situation objectively. She also caused my good friend a lot of pain and trouble. I didn’t mention that I know the woman? Oh- my bad! So I told her "Hey, nice fucking earmuffs! And she started crying like Nancy Kerrigan. Seriously. I said that. Honest.

…ok, I didn’t. What is wrong with meeeeeeeeee?"



Zette and Cranky ya’ll be next on the pillage, just get in line with everyone else.

No complaining while on the line either.


I feel so much better now.

Brim, you don’t realize that you actually have me wrapped around your little finger. You got me with your cat stories. I’m behind you 100% on this worthy rant. I was just offering up some advice for beefing it up for the peanut gallery.