I’m not what you would call a ‘Religious’ person, but I am a Spiritual one, although I couldn’t define it in any conventional terms.
Like you though, I grew up as a Christian, until one day realising that it didn’t work for me… I tried out all sorts of different belief systems and paths after that, until coming up with a personal philosophy (Still open to adaptation and change) that, thusfar, seems to be working out OK.
I am also very fortunate in that I have a number of other Spiritual friends - Some things we agree on, somethings we disagree on - We meet regularly, share laughter, thoughts and many things on our perception of the world and of life in general. It’s not worship, other than shared ideas, but it’s quite special.
Of course, Chrisitianity does not have to preclude other ways of thinking, the world needs to be more open minded about the religious boundaries that now exist. What I am trying to say is that although the path may be lonely, as your experiences will be yours alone, that doesn’t mean you can’t share them, and it doesn’t mean you have to walk alone… It’s a lonely path because Spirituality is very much about the individual and your direct relationship with the divine (However you perceive that - And I’m not saying that it’s better or worse than other beliefs, it’s just what works for me)
So, what do you do now? I say go to church, see how it makes you feel and what you get out of it. Remember, you are not choosing between one thing and another, unless you feel you have to. But, also, have a look into healing circles, meditation groups, development circles, Spiritual churches etc - Keep all of your options open, and when you start to find people around you that you click with on that level, cultivate the friendship.
You’ll find that the more you move on this path, the more people you will seemingly bump into who are able to allow you to expand and explore your point of view - Embrace that, and you won’t go far wrong…
