When I was 11 years old my newfound step-mom forced me to become baptised as a Mormon. I can literally remember kicking and screaming because this was not something I wanted. I don’t remember why but I really remember the struggle vividly. So, after I was baptised I was initially a little tird about the whole ordeal (naturally), stealing tithing when I was sent out to collect it etc… but after a while I really and truly came to believe the things they taught me. I became a steadfast member of the LDS church, attending not only sunday service, but boy scouts, youth group, and 6am seminary before high school. I can tell you anything you ever wanted to know about being mormon. I’ve even baptised dead people myself.
This went on for quite a few years, until one day when I was 19 years old (i just turned 21) about 34 random synapses fired in my brain in a perfectly random sequence and it occured to me that I was brainwashed and this was all total bullshit. I began to look around me and see the world in a whole new way.
After that I joined a yoga cult. I learned all mannerisms of yoga and for a good 8 months I was waking up at 3:30 and doing morning sadhana. I studied kundalini, hatha, and taoist yoga, as well as practicing many eastern mannerisms. I have had what I would call extremely religious experiences when I was really deep into yoga.
This brings me up to my next part. One of the universal teachings in all paths of yoga is that the spiritual journey is a lonely journey. It is quite likely that the way you are seeing the world is unique to you in your setting. You might find a few people that are experiencing it the way you are but their is a good chance you can count them on one hand. I have been feeling this loneliness for over a year now, and I have to admit, I am very lonely.
Throughout my so-far-short journey in life I have developed quite the socratic view. I am searching for the truth, wherever it is.
So, on to my ending. I have made a good friend here in Italy who is a devout christian. I mean, she is very very devout. She also doesn’t care if I go to church or not, she likes me for who I am and she likes me for the things I do. Well, I know what your thinking, she asked me to go to church with her, but this is not so. I asked her! if I could go.
I am tired of being lonely. Something is missing from my life and I am going to give God another chance. There is something inherantly beautiful about people taking out part of there day to come together in worship.
I just wanted to share my story and see if anyone else had a story they wanted to share or just an experience. This is something that really deeply effects everyone. I have never met a person that could tell me with absolute and convincing certainity that they knew (as socrates would have put it) what is it? Please dont get the impression that I am walking around lonely as all getout with no friends, I meant spiritually! Lonely in life.