A CREATURE has wreaked havoc on the insulation in my crawl space. Tomorrow, I will buy mousetraps, arsenic, cyanide, sarin, napalm, plutonium, Winnie Mandela, or Aristocrat Vodka-- whatever it takes to KILL YOU. (Unless you read the message board, in which case: please leave.)
If it’s a tomcat or an indigent, SO MUCH THE BETTER.
(joking)
Actually, “KILL IT.” Whatever. I kind of switched from addressing the creature as a third-person object to speaking to it in second-person voice, and it could kind of be construed that I was talking about the reader of these posts. Trust me, I’m not; I don’t have time. 
(time to post this inanity, apparently, instead of writing my essay)
I hear you. Today at work we found a live rat in a nest it made in someone’s TV, which they brought in to get fixed because it wasn’t working right.
You shoulda heard the tech people screaming “DIE! DIE YOU SONUVABITCH!”
Gah!
How the hell did a RAT get INSIDE a TV!!!
Via The Nashville Network.
We had two squirrels in our attic two years ago, caught ‘em in a havahart trap and had to freakin’ drive them up to Evanston to release them, becuase if it’s within ten miles they can find their way back.
So basically, we gave these squirrels limo service to a better part of town.
I hope they’re happy.
jar
Remember though, it’s now The National Network.
For whatever THAT’s worth anyway…
well, I was going to blame the MPAA, but TNN works for me.
[sub]I’ll just quietly say it chewed through the plastic on the back.[/sub]
“You dirty rat…”