All the hype and NASCAR has made me decide to start smoking. I need your help. Should I start with the gum or patch? I have my start day picked - 08/15/99. It’s a Friday and I’m usually feeling good with lots of expendable energy. Maybe I should go “hot turkey” with a low nicotine methol. My goal is to ramp up to a pack a day. I want to pick them up and never put them down. I’m going to let those little s.o.b.'s run my life. I’m already pumped up. I think I’ll stop brushing my teeth in anticipation. Are lighters better than matches? And what about 100’s versus regular size, any advantage. Is it easy to talk with a butt parked in your lips? I have many more questions. All start smoking tips welcome.
Well for one you are a couple of months late in starting if you are starting on 8/15/99 and it is now 10/8/99.
I have no get started tips, but I would not waste my time on gums or patches I would go directly to the cigs. If you need to ramp up just stick your face into an ash tray and inhale. Then go into a burning building and inhale, soon you will be ready to smoke.
And quick, get an insurance policy before you start–your rates will skyrocket afterwards.
Strtrkr777 is right. Dispense with all that complicated stuff. Hell, just get drunk, try a few dozen Camel straights, repeat for two nights, and the rest will take care of itself.
As to some of your specific questions:
I just don’t know what to say.
Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine
…and inhale deeply…
Rats on the date! I was trying to assimilate the hardships of stopping with starting. Hosed up again.
Just wondering, what does NASCAR have to do with your decision to start smoking? Is it all the advertisements on the cars?
I realize the OP was tongue in cheek, but seriously, if you don’t smoke presently, you don’t want to start.
Oh, did I say NASCAR? I meant Winston Cup racing. Sorry for the confusion.
23-skidoo, voltaire. Go on and peddle your papers.
Steelwhip is about to become a copasetic hep cat, loaded with savoir faire, like the rest of us smokers. He’ll be the cat’s pajamas.
Don’t apologize, Steelwhip. The NASCAR Winston Cup Series is the “major league” (premier) circuit of NASCAR. The other “divisions” are the NASCAR Busch Grand National Circuit and the NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series.
IIRC, Winston was going to have to give up the habit, so to speak, as a part of the federal tobacco deal that died in Congress. Don’t know what the status is now.
Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine
A serious answer–
Begin hot turkey, and roll your own. Drum is a pretty good mass-produced rolling tobacco brand and should be available in any cigar/tobacco shop. Also–don’t use one of those stupid machines to roll your smokes, you’ll look like an idiot. Do it by hand, like God intended. Maybe eventually you’ll be able to roll them one-handed while driving, like I did. (I have since quit.)
You must distribute the tobacco evenly throughout the length of the paper and on past the ends. You can roll “quickies” and slow-burners, according to the amount of tobacco you use and the density (“tightness”) with which you pack it. Tuck the non-glued end around the tobacco and bring the glued side around. You got the glue on the correct side, didn’t you? Good. Now lick the glue, but spare the slobber. It’s not a stamp, for chrissake. Gently press the length of that side down. Twist the tobacco off the ends where it’s sticking out. Some minor variations in tobacco and rolling probably will make it obvious which end is to be lit. Fire her up–don’t stick the cigarette inthe flame, just right above it; it’ll get plenty hot to light.
Rolled cigarettes soon go out when you set them down, and don’t just burn up like pre-rolleds. This can be convenient.
It is way cooler to roll your own. At parties, all the smokers will want to try their hand. Some non-smokers will even want to “try” one. Anyone who asks you why you don’t use a rolling “machine”, just furrow your brow and phhht in their direction. If you’re feeling a little perverse, do the same to people who ask you why you roll your own at all.
Dope-smokers who see you handrolling a good-looking cigarette will invariably ask you to roll them a joint. Refuse. Marijuana is much too dry and crumbly to roll into a proper cigarette. Offer to roll two joints, fleshing out their M.J. with tobacco (it is possible to roll an almost decent joint this way), but most won’t let you–they think it screws with the weed’s taste and smell. Again–phhht.
In dire emergency, I’ve found Pall Malls, Chesterfields, and Lucky Strikes to be decent substitutes for a hand-rolled (you won’t ever go back to filtereds). Curiously, the entire act including the desire, construction, and subsequent cigarette becomes what is craved. Ask any junkie: it’s not just the heroin, it’s wanting the heroin, getting the heroin, loading the syringe, everything, that is the enjoyment.
I wish you many happy years of cigarette smoking.
How old are you? I found it essential to get started early. Age 14 at the latest. This will guarantee a hardcore habit that is Pure Hell(but not impossible) to kick by adulthood.
I agree with most of what whcO3grady said, except that Bugler or Tops is fine if you can’t afford Drum and any self-respecting handroller can roll anything, dope included. It’s just different. I haven’t touched pot in 10 years, but I bet I can still roll a killer joint.
Don’t smoke anything anymore, but now you got me reminiscing.
Uh, hey…anybody got a smoke?
*whipping out my cigarettes and offering them to the Hippie God"
Actually, if you truly want to get right into it, take a long weekend to drive up to Canada and pick up a pack of Export A’s (be sure to cut off the filter before you light up).
cough cough uh, thanks, jazz…I think.
Now, Steelwhip, if you’re gonna adopt a filthy, expensive, life-threatening habit that will be pure hell to kick, don’t ease up to it.
The advice about getting blotto and inhaling a pack or so of Camels will do it. BTW, there’s a reason smoking and drinking are linked. Having anestheatic in you helps ignore the fact that your lungs feel like they’re being sent through a shredder.
The rolling your own is a nice option. I wouldn’t recommend how I started. BTW, I was in my 20’s and didn’t drink. I was way overstressed and couldn’t sleep. My roommate got tired of my galloping insommnia and handed me a Bidi.
They’re little (Egyptian, I think) cigarettes that look seriously decadant and smell like a poultry farm on a hot afternoon. No filters, of course. Hey, inhale a lungful of that and you’ll be so exhausted from helpless whooping and hacking you’ll sleep like a baby.
Of course you can then step down to mere Marlboros, etc. and as your addiction progresses you can niggle your way into increasingly “less dangerous” versions. You know, lower tar, etc. brands so you’ll buy TWO packs instead of one to get the same effect.
And definitely a lighter. True smokers love the convenience and wisely avoid the dangers of inhaling that phosphorous residue fromt matches.
Hey, you’re gonna be a smoker! You have to care about health issues like that.
Don’t ease into it like it’s cold water in a swimming pool; you just gotta dive in there and get over the initial shock so you can get down to business.
As far as what you’re going to smoke, try several different brands, and certainly try the hand-rolling. For pure smoking satisfaction, you can’t hardly beat a hand-rolled (even though I gave up roll-your-own in the Army; it was just too tough to shoot the main gun while rolling a smoke at the same time). Menthols are okay, as are most of the major name-brands, but for real kick, unfiltered is the way to go: Camel, Pall Mall, Chesterfields, just to name a few.
And no, tearing the filter off a Marlboro isn’t the same.
A good lighter is a must, as nothing says “LOSER” more than having to constantly bum lights off of someone else. I recommend a Zippo, but doin’t overfill the damned thing, as the fluid can cause skin irritation. A good Zippo will still be with you twenty years from now, as long as you don’t turn your back on it (they grow legs and walk away).
But match-lit smokes have their own unique flavor, too, and should be sampled at least once. Nothing says “traditionalist” like taking a wooden match, flicking your thumb across the head and sucking some sulphur down your pipes.
Certain to attract the opposite sex.
And for those occasions when you can’t smoke, a plug of chew will help you to get over those nicotine cravings. Go with a long-cut chew; worm-dirt like Copenhagen and Skoal is for high-school jocks trying to impress the cheerleaders and wannabes.
And if you ever decide you want to quit, ask yourself: “why in the hell did I ever start in the first place?”. If you can’t answer that question, put down your tobacco and never touch it again.
But if you do remember why you started, tell all those doctors to fuck off as you blow smoke in their face or spit down their lilly-white doctor’s smocks.
Guarnateed to be the next-to-last medical bill you’ll ever receive.
<FONT COLOR=“BLUE”>"…and 'ware the drake, for doth he ever bum cigarettes at inopportune moments."</FONT>
Learn to burp-talk well- it’ll come in handy if you have to have your larynx removed.
Hell, just wrap your lips around the exhaust pipe on you rcar and have a friend rev the engine.
Seriously, my first smoke ever was this last Memorial weekend. I have to agree with the other posts in here:alchohol makes it much easyer to smoke. I’m allergic to the shit, and I didn’t mind taking a puff while buzzed at all.
I think I’ll leave it alone, though. I’ve got better ways to waste my cash.
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
Definitely get a Zippo lighter. I have one even though I don’t smoke.
Peace on Earth = Purity Of Essence