This is truly pointless, and disjointed so you’ve been forewarned. It could be the stress, or a lack of adequate sleep for a couple days (due to a sick relative) or both, but there’s a part of me that feels like finding the closest Priest and signing up with the church. I’ve been under similar amounts of stress before, and haven’t felt this way, so I’m not sure how to deal with it. The thing is, this isn’t a case of hard times bringing someone back into the fold, because my religious beliefs have been gone for awhile, and probably won’t be coming back. I really don’t think I’d feel any better if they did. My extended family was with me today, and they were passing those religious testimonials around to each other (and me). They really seemed to be getting a lot of comfort out of them, while I was thinking “well, that’s nice.” They don’t know I’m agnostic, basically because it’s never come up, plus they’d probably be upset. Everyone else keeps having group prayers, and talking about faith and strength from God. This is fine, and it’s great that they’re getting help from it. It’s also really nice of them trying to use their faith to help me. I just feel left out, and like a faker, and and so drained. Too bad I can’t fall asleep.
Wow. I’m sorry you’re going through such a tough time right now. With all the trouble going on, I don’t guess this is the right time to bring up your lack of beliefs with your family. Maybe you can try taking comfort from their love and caring?
Hope you catch a break soon!
Trust me, this will pass once the crisis is over. I don’t think you really want to join any church just to feel like you’re one of the crowd.
I’ve seen hilltribe families in crisis upcountry here receive the same kind of comfort from their local shaman, but that doesn’t mean I’d want to go become an animist. Granted, though, that was not my own family involved or my upbringing background, but still these practices are meant to provide comfort to those who truly believe, no matter how silly those beliefs may seem to a non-believer. Once it’s over and you get a good rest, you’ll be glad you didn’t join. If you do join, you’ll probably be slapping your head wondering why you did it and how you can exit gracefully. At least wait until everything has settled down and then see how you feel.
Good luck with your family member.
Thanks for the well wishes. I wouldn’t ever join a group like that, because it would be dishonest to pretend to believe, nor will I be spilling the beans about my lack of faith (hopefully those who do know won’t decide to out me though.) Part of it is seeing how comforting rituals can be during these times, plus there’s the feeling that I should be taking part.
Have faith in the love you feel from them. Respect the fact that they believe that love is the love of God. In the final analysis, love is the answer. God can figure out what you are doing, and you can be honest about it with your family, as long as you don’t need to be evangelical about your agnosticism. I hate evangelical agnosticism. It seems so pointless. How loudly can you proclaim “I just don’t know!” anyway?
Be loved. It will do you good. Keep your heart open to the possibility that unlikely is not the same as untrue. But mostly, be loved, and be comforted by the love your family offers.
Tris
This is reminding me of Plato’s Allegory of the Cave (or Socrates, whomever you want to give credit to). I encounter that a lot myself.
I don’t have any interest in deconverting anyone. I started out with strong non-beliefs and have mellowed into a more calm I don’t know-ism. Letting them in on the truth is out of the question, at least for now though. My mother, for example, broke down and cried when she found out (and she found out innocently enough, so it’s not like tensions were high or anything). Plus, I’m being “the strong one” in real life, so I’m not going to drag everyone else down further than we all ready are.
Just typing this out on here, reading the responses and talking to a friend on aim about other parts of the situation are making me feel a bit better though.
Heh. I know what you mean. I’m Baha’i now, but was raised Catholic. Baha’i has very little ritual, and is quite a change of pace from the ritual of Catholicism! But you know you can make your own rituals to comfort yourself, don’t you? A cup of hot cocoa or herbal tea while watching a favorite TV show you recorded? Finding the absolutely most cozy blanket you can for your bed and then making sure it’s positioned in such a way as to make maximum contact with your skin.
My own rituals are pretty tactile and girly, so I’m probably not much help figuring out specific ones for you, but maybe you can figure out your own. There are also prayers I favor when I’m feeling stressed. You, obviously, wouldn’t want prayers, but you could have some kind of “mantra”. Just find a saying you like, and keep repeating it until it clears your mind. Two of my current favorites are: “A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for” and “No one can go back and change their beginning, but anyone can start from here and change their ending”. Find your own. Borrow someone else’s.
And as Tris, take comfort in knowing you are loved.
If you feel drawn to pretending something soothing, why pretend there’s a magical god? Wouldn’t it be much less of a stretch to pretend you’re not in crisis?
norinew, you raise a good point about making your own rituals. I’ve been trying to keep a semi normal schedule, which does bring some relief.
.Yes, I’ve definitely been doing that. It’s nice not to have to deal with things alone, and I’m grateful for that.
It seems natural that a part of me would reach back to things that brought comfort in the past though, especially since these things are all around me right now.
As for pretending things were fine, I’ve sort of all ready beat you to it. I’ve had an incredibly long streak (basically my entire life) where things have always worked out the way I’d want them to. Not that there weren’t ups and downs, but overall things have been good. So, there is a part of me who feels that there’s definitely nothing to worry about. I’ve always gotten my way before, so why should things change now? Of course, the rational part of me realizes it doesn’t work that way. I don’t know…there’s lots of conflicting feelings going on.