OK. My husband died in January after a very long illness. He was verbally abusive all of the time, and physical sometimes. He wouldn’t beat me up or anything, but scared me several times. He was hard on our son in my opinion, and never let him play ball or stuff like that. Rarely could he go to another kid’s house and play. He wouldn’t let him get his driver’s license when he was 16.
So when he died, my son and I were both sad and relieved. I have let him get his license (he’s 18), and bought him a car after his dad’s old truck crapped out on him. I have started drinking again, after my husband convinced me I was an alcoholic 14 years ago. Just a few beers here and there, and I go out and shoot pool sometimes at this neighborhood bar. I have gotten drunk a couple of times, but alcohol is not running my life.
I’m also dating the first love of my life. We dated for a while when I was 16, and again when I was 18. Then we sorta went our separate ways. I innocently looked him up on the internet one day, and he was right where he had always been, a little town right outside of Houston. I e-mailed him, and we talked by e-mail for several months. After my husband died, we decided to meet. He recently broke up with a woman he intended to marry, and we are taking it very slowly.
Ok, that’s the background. I bowl on a team, with my best friend of 8 years, her boyfriend of 8 months or so, a younger guy we picked up this year, and a woman I work with that bowled with us last year. We have all gotten close.
I spoke out of turn when I told my best friend (MBF) that "I have some sad news. <Friend I work with (FIWW)> has left her husband and gotten her own apartment. My reasons were not to spread malicious gossip, but to inform a mutual friend that our friend was hurting and that we needed to show her some loving care. I was wrong to not let FIWW tell MBF herself. But MBF already knew that she was looking for apartments, which I did not know. I have apologized to FWIW.
So, MBF’s boyfriend (MBFB) sends me (and cc’s to the whole team) an e-mail. “Once again!!! You cant wait to spread people’s misery around!” “You broke my confidence weeks ago and here you go again.” This was in reference to the fact that at one time I offered to loan MBF some money. MBF turned me down. MBFB came to me a while later and said don;t tell MBF, but could I borrow the money? Considering her ex-husband stole lots of money from her, I was immediately suspicious, and probably could have handled it better, but I told MBF. They got in a huge fight. He also said, “You are egotistical and cocky. If your husband was still alive, I would apologize to him. He was right. Your son is a liar and a thief, and you are a drunk.”
I was floored!!! Why bring up all this crap? I suppose he’s never heard of fair fighting—stick to the one subject. I sent him back a response basically saying fuck you—who the hell are you to be saying these things to me? And to send it to the whole team! I called him a prick for that.
So I e-mailed MBF, and she basically echoed what he had said. I think she is just siding with her man because he is her man, but she probably doesn’t see it that way. They think I’m not behaving appropriately—not behaving like a grieving widow. I am still grieving, but it helps to act strong and happy. It is very lonely at my house. I go out. I date.
So tonight is bowling night. Only 4 more weeks left. I have no idea what I will say, or even if I should go. He owes me an apology, if not for the content, at least for the way he told me.
So, what do you think?