I wonder;were you lonely before you met your wife? One can be alone but not lonely. Many people that are married are lonely.that is not a reason to Marry.
First it would seem you need to realize that you determine your worth. When you like your self you will find that trying to make some one else happy brings happiness to you. Your wife doen’t know it but she is the loser in your case. She doesn’t know what the future holds for her.
If you consentrate on your good points and realize you did your best(as you seem to have done). Be proud of the kind of person you seem to be.
I’m not looking for anything here. Hence the name of the board, “Mundane, Poilntless Stuff I Must Share”. If you’re looking to find fault or belittle me, then move on to another thread that interests you more.
The purpose of this thread is just what it’s title and location states. “I’m lonely” and it’s a pointless fact that I wanted to vent.
I wasn’t looking to blame anyone. I was just venting.
And I am getting along with my life. And healing. One day at a time.
All of you who seem to take sides have gotten the whole point of this thread wrong. I am not finding fault with anyone, be it her or me. Nor am I looking for validation from anyone.
As I said before, the name of this board is called “mundane, pointless stuff I must share”.
I’m not trying to find fault or belittle you; it’s a big message board, and you probably don’t know me at all, but that’s not my way. MPSIMS is not very well-named; we do some of our best work here. This is where people come to post some very important things that are deeply affecting them.
I’m getting a mixed vibe from you; you came here and opened up to us, but you don’t seem to want to discuss things except on your terms. That’s not how this works. If you only want to vent without any input from us, this is not the place to do it. We see that you’re hurting, and we want to help you, because we are a community. But if you don’t want to work on things that are bothering you, that’s cool.
Ok-I don’t mean to start anything, but I feel this needs to be said. YOu asked YOU that–did you ever ask HER how you could be a good husband to her?
I am sure you were-that is not my point.
I agree and laud you for the not leaving her part d/t fatigue or frustration. I would hope that anyone married would do the same (sadly, we all know this is not true by a long shot). I dunno, maybe I have a completely different picture in my head of what this relationship was like, but I see maybe too much of a people pleaser/peacekeeper here. Dia knows that a spouse that helps out is worth his weight in gold (if desired by the other spouse) but maybe you did more than was warranted? It’s all moot now, but this thread is nothing if not a call for self examination. I don’t mean a condemning, critical analysis, either.
Marriages are rarely equal partnerships, regardless of what is said by either partner. I just know for myself, that if I had given so much of myself in that kind of situation, I would be quite bitter about the end. In certain ways, I am the same as the OP-believing in til death do us part and wanting to belong to someone else. It seems a childish, wistful notion, now–at least from my perspective. But, I digress.
I am not trying to judge here or condemn. But as always, there are two sides to every story, and perhaps I feel that there should be some mild dissent, if only for balance. Hope I haven’t offended-not my intent at all.
I think you are hurting–and rightly so. A grave injustice has been done here. Whether or not you colluded unconsciously with it or were indeed the innocent victim matters little now. Feel your hurt-it will help you heal the faster. Trust me on this one.