Now before you go “well that’s why you can’t get a job” i know how to hide and conceal that perfectly in job interviews and such, and when dealing with bosses. I’m sure. Cause i’m intelligent too. At least intelligent enough to mask it in situations when i know i shouldn’t be argumentative.
But it go me thinking, why am i like this? Why do i get stuck on little things? Why do i continuously go out of my way to prove others wrong if i believe they are wrong when other human beings would let things go?
My friend said that he believes i might have autism, at least Asperger’s. He stated people with autism on a certain level on the spectrum like to argue about any and everything for reasons that don’t matter when normal human beings would just let things go.
Since you asked for honest opinions, I’ll offer mine. You should look up the Dunning-Kruger effect.
If you’re as intelligent as you claim you are, you would have no problem finding positions to apply for that would offer you the salary you feel you deserve, AND you’d excel at the interview process. Either only one of those is true, or none of them are. We know from your current situation that they both aren’t. OR intelligence isn’t necessarily a good indicator of how someone acts in a social situation. Either way…
I tend to be very argumentative as well. It’s so much easier to be argumentative and find flaws in something than it is to actually create something, or be a leader who effects something into existence. Use that self-proclaimed intelligence to take initiative and take some grunt jobs to get your foot in the door to work yourself up.
You impress me primarily as ignorant, superficial, and intellectually lazy. Oh yeah - and young and inexperienced. What little I’ve read of your “arguments” impress me as taking simplistic stances based on little more than something that crossed your mind of that you heard someone say. And, tho I haven’t cared enough to really look, I haven’t seen any depth or development of any of your “positions.”
Rather than argumentative, you impress me as merely contrary. I imagine it could well be a way of making yourself feel more intelligent and significant than you are. It is far easier to simply lob out potentially controversial positions and naysay whatever someone else said, than to actually do the heavy lifting.
In my experience, being argumentative is generally just a sign of ignorance and/or immaturity. As I just poked in another thread, I gather that you’re probably still young, late teens or early 20s. Frankly, I was quite argumentative at that age too, I think most people are. Some people grow out of it, some people need to put in some work or get some help to get over it, some people never change.
Ultimately, the question of why doesn’t matter when it comes to changing your behaviors. Maybe it’s something you picked up from your parents. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism. Maybe it’s something that’s common in your circle of friends. What matters is that you and whether or not you feel it’s disrupting your life and what to change it. Hell, some people are argumentative and perfectly happy being that way, I don’t really understand it, but if they are content with where they are in life and how their personal and professional relationships and casual acquaintances and random strangers interact with it, who am I or anyone else to tell them they need to change?
So, if your answer to that is yes, you need to start some personal evaluation. What triggers this behavior? Specific examples or general examples are fine, but it’s important to identify it. Maybe you resist authority, when people tell you want to do. Or maybe it’s when people make you feel inferior because they’re older or stronger or smarter or whatever. Maybe you just really hate being wrong or changing your views. It could be any number of things, but the more of these things you can identify, the broader the picture will be.Also, consider how you react when other people get argumentative. Does it bug you when you see someone start an argument with someone else? What if they start it with you?
Once you can get a good idea of what triggers this reaction, you can start a pattern of changing how you react, and this takes mental discipline. What you want to extract from this pattern isn’t just “when people tell me what to do, I get argumentative”, but actually consider the thought processes and emotions and physical reactions that go with it. That will tend to be common across the ways that you get this reaction and you can then recognize that feeling every time it comes up. Then, when it starts to arise, you can make yourself aware of it and assert your will to change your reaction.
That is, what you’ve done is created a pattern of reaction to a particular stimulus, and once you’ve identified it as thoroughly as possible, it’s easy to pick it out. Then it’s just a little bit of training. It’s like learning to drive a car, it takes a lot of focus at first, but just a little bit of experience makes it second nature. You can probably snag that feeling just a couple times and it will let you change your reaction. In fact, in my experience, if you do a really awesome job of identifying the triggers and imprinting on it why it’s not, it can basically completely disappear there, on the spot.
Speaking for myself, when I used to be argumentative, I realized it was triggered by an unwillingness to be wrong. Hell, I’d keep arguing when I KNEW I was wrong, because I could just deny it and I’d never have to admit it. Realizing that, going through more or less what I described, and the charge was just… gone. I even had a discussion the next day or so, on the same topic, and it didn’t get heated at all. It was a nice exchange of ideas where we disagreed, and that was that.
Now, that’s not to say I haven’t had any heated arguments since then, I have, but they’re not triggered simply by the fact that I’m still argumentative, they’ve been triggered by other things. As it stands now, though, it’s probably been at least two or three years since I’ve had a heated argument, and it was because of something else that wasn’t covered by that.