…going to freak out.
Wahhhhhhh! I’m all alone! 
hillbilly king is gone for the week, (training for new job).
I’m all alone except for dog, cat and kid.
Everybody I know is atleast 50 miles away.
And no car!
Atleast I haven’t started staring at the backdoor, waiting for him to come home, like the dog has.
I expect I’ll be doing that by Wednesday.
I was going to say how much I envied you until I saw the part about the kid and no car.
What kind of a deal is that?
Just get a wheelbarrow and hitch the kid and dog to it and BINGO! Zero emission (provided you don’t feed either beans) transportation!
You call yourself a hillbilly? You don’t even have a pig. 
How old is your kid? If your kid is old enough you can start enstilling him/her with the habits of a good cook. You are never to young to start learning that craft.
If you’re a hillbilly, can’t you just go out back and shoot critters for amusement? 