Hey, that gives me an idea…How does “The First Aemmanuel Church of the Sophistic Aether” sound?
The first 100 members get a free set of steak knives. Call now! Operators are standing by!
As for your problem…it seems to me that it’s only as much of a problem as you make of it. Clearly the lad in question is sufficiently flexible and accomodating, and Bible man’s unsolicited appeal to evangelism aside, you don’t appear to need someone else’s accordance with your beliefs to “make a connection with those beliefs for the sake of the relationship.” I can’t speak for family, but it has been my observation that families, excepting dogmatic fundamentalists, are generally willing (if perhaps reluctantly) to accept a spouse regardless of creed if it means the happiness of, and more importantly, grandchilden from, the offspring in question.
As for (potential) children…they’ll figure out for themselves what they believe soon enough. Imposing a believe system upon them doesn’t seem particularly effective in my experience, and as long as it’s not a point of contention between the parents, I don’t see it as a major problem. (I assume you’ve read Judy Blume’s Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, which, like most of Blume’s teen novels, deals realistically and non-preachingly with the topic of religious discovery, among other tribulations of adolescence.)
At any rate, g’luck to you. If but I could have such problems… :dubious:
So he’s supportive of your being religious, and you’re supportive of him being non-religious. Super. Now both of you need to stay mainly in your own lanes regarding this issue for the next umpty decades. Can you two do that?
Say “hi” to your gramps for me. I hope you’ll be seeing him before I do. And how’s the hair thing doing?
I vary from agnostic to questioning Christian all the time. I have been a regular to semi-regular church attendee and occasional member (which I will probably never do again) most of my life.
That being said, I have never expressed my beliefs, or doubts, to anyone connected with a church. I feel it is none of their business. Even my pastor. I go, or don’t go, to church for *my * reasons, and what those reasons are remain between me and God, if indeed He does exist.
And that’s why I don’t go to a Southern Baptist church.
There’s no way to know what kind of church yours is, and I’m sure you don’t even know yet since you don’t even seem familiar yet with Southern Baptists, or even the distinction between conservative congregations and liberal (it has nothing to do with your politics). However, if your SBC church is a “typical” one, your partner will suffer, and suffer greatly, if he even hints that he’s not a bible-thumping, born-again fundie.
I personally believe even talking to the pastor is a bad idea, because typically, he’ll make your partner his “mission”. In fact, he’ll probably instruct all the elders and deacons to make him the church’s “mission”. But then again, I am generalizing. That pastor may be the complete opposite of the typical Southern Baptist.
My advice would be, don’t abandon that church, but try some others out before settling in. IMHO, you’d be better of at a more liberal (in the religious sense) church.
How will things change for you if he stops going to church with you one day?
I’m not suggesting him becoming critical of you for continuing to do so but he simply decides one day that he’s not getting anything out of it and has better ways to spend his time. What then?
This seems like such a non-issue that I wonder why you even bring it up?
OTOH, I have seen a photo of you and that makes me believe in a kind and loving God, so is your boyfriend blind or what?
I not sure why you make it like to be a bad thing. Better that he is going and supportive than he is not right?
I know why you say it will never say, but success of a marriage (at least for this life-time) depends on the character of the parnters. Just because you are a card-carrying, born again Christian doesn’t mean that you have the pre-requisites for a good marriage.
Dude, no one can have a fully 100% perfect relationship with God. No one can’t because we are all mortals. Having a Christian spouse does not indicate happy marriage either. There’s more to marriage than just believing in God.
Again, the “unequally yoked” is something of constant debate. Applied too liberally, we can’t even watch a movie with a non-christian. (Indeed, one of my Sunday School teachers proclaimed that you can’t even be in a business relationship with a non-Christian. Not sure if that extends to be ing an employee)
If we can make all the correct choices by ourselves, then I guess we don’t need God or the Holy Spirit then.
The only thing that sprang to my mind was this: as long as the church in question does not require a signed statement of faith (and some do), or “membership” in a formal sense, then it’s not lying to show up, smile and nod, and simply not disagree when people talk in glowing, rapturous tones about their faith and religious experience.
It would be lying to sign such a statement, if one did not mean it.
But it’s true, people will assume that if you’re present and you don’t disagree, you believe what they believe. And they might well feel betrayed if they ever thought your beliefs didn’t mesh. But ah well.
When I burned out on Christianity 15 years ago, almost every one of my “friends” and “brothers in the Lord” dumped me like a load of rotten apples. Two couples are still my friends to this day. And they’re the only ones that matter.
I totally agree with Quicksilver, I think the question you should be asking is what will happen on the day he decides to step back from your faith and church. Will you be okay with that? What about your parents?
Will you spend your life feeling your faith is being disrespected? Will he spend his married life having to justify his belief? Are you prepared for the divide should it arrive?
Are you both capable of just respecting the others choice, without feeling the need to change the others mind? Will you be able to resist being dismissive? These seem much more important to me.
Him, and Imp Y Celyn too, yup. I’ve decided that staying away from woolly-headed thinking means avoiding half-gods and boys possesed by the spirit of Music with Rocks In.
I don’t think I’ll ever be 100% certain of the answer, even if we date for 10 years. But the way our school situations are going, it would be another year minimum before we even started to make plans. A lot can happen during that time, but I’ll keep all of this in mind.
I think that eventually, like a happy couple with a 10+ year age gap, it will be more of a issue to other people than us.
BTW I’m glad you visited this thread QuickSilver. I know you had a similar situation recently, without such a happy ending. You advice is appreciated.
Well I’m certain I can shed more light than heat on this but I’ll try.
I was in a 15 year mixed faith (jewish and catholic) relationship (including 10 year marriage). That was a bit of a challenge up front until we both realized that it was our family traditions that we wanted to hang on to rather than actual religous practices. We were both atheists after all and learned to compromise. It wasn’t a point of contention and ultimately was not the thing that lead to our breakup.
Much more recently, I dated a woman who is a practicing Episcopalian and definately a theist. This too was not a point of contention as I have a long standing curiousity about why and what leads people to believe in a deity. Fortunately, she had a healthy amount of respect for my lack of any such beliefs and was curious how I went through life not believing in a higher being and purpose.
We never resolved, nor did we even try to reconcile this difference. We simply respected the other’s position. Neither of us tried to convert the other to our respective point of view. Again, our differences in the opposing belief systems did not lead to our recent break up. At least it did not for me. I got the sense she felt a bit more strongly about it but I’m not 100% certain of that. It might simply be my interpretation of a natural tendency of her belief system to make sure I would be saved. That and because she cared for me.
So my advice, if I have to share it, is that you find within yourself that which reconciles your opposing views (with your S.O.) and hold on to it. Make sure you are able to maintain that kind of position. Also, imagine being able to hold on to your faith without his support because I guarantee you that in difficult times (and there will be very difficult times) he will turn to his own set of beliefs for support just as you will turn to yours, and they will be different.
Finally, please don’t interpret this as my opinion that these kinds of differences automatically doom a relationship to failure. Like in all relationships, if it’s not one thing… it’s his mother!
Hee. We’ve always joked that it’s hard to tell what was harder: telling my parents that he was an atheist, or telling his mother that I am a conservative
His mother has a gigantic poster of Bush, Cheny, and Ashcroft, on which she has drawn Hitler moustaches :rolleyes:
I’m a conservative: no fan of Bush, but I don’t think she could grasp that distinction. We get along fine otherwise.
If this is The Real Thing ™, will 1) you be able to agree on how to raise children you might have, and 2) will your parents be able to handle the g’babies being raised in another (or no) faith?
