Just so long as Grandpa takes an interest, that’s the important thing.
Sooner or later, Grandpa takes an interest ineverybody. He’s very friendly that way.
Is your grandpa God??!! 
Sorry. SusanStoHelit is a character in the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett. Her mother was adopted by the anthropomorphic personification of Death.
She somehow inherited some of Death’s talents, like unlocking doors and seeing things that are really there (which is much harder than simply seeing things that aren’t there, which just takes a few recreational drugs or a mental disorder).
Ms. StoHelit:
Atheist here as well.
I went through something like this when I was in High School, when a really nice girl expressed an interest. After a while, I went to church (no idea what kind…I always termed it “generic” to my parents (Irish Atheists both…but that’s another story altogether).
Initially, I sat in on the sermons, listened to the after-church stuff (youth group?), and generally floated along, happy to be learning more about the girl, happy to be in her company, and completely oblivious to the whole thing.
Until… (you knew it had to come, right?)
One of the Youth Group mentors started to take issue with statements I woudl make when questioned. He was more on the fervent side, and he irritated the living crap out of me. The irritation probably urged me to ramp up my rhetoric, resulting in more of an attack posture. The girl and I remained friends, but nothing developed further. I found myself thinking she was an idiot for wasting time in the church.
My point is that you can protect him from your own evangelical leanings (if you have any…sounds like you don’t), but you can’t stop someone from picking on him in your church, or from your family. They probably wouldn’t view it as “picking”, but as a genuine good deed.
If he’s defensive and intellectually arrogant (like someone I see in the mirror every morning), it will come to the point where he’ll have a choice. He’ll either join the church, or start lashing out on what crystallizes (in his mind) into total garbage. It may become a real sore spot in your marriage/engagement/Significant Relationship.
I’m guessing I codl have been more clear, but that’s my thought on the concept.
-Cem
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Christian Dopers, or anyone else with a relevant experience, do you think it is fair to hide his lack of belief from my new church family? How would you feel if an Athiest wanted to attend your services and talk to you about your faith but refused to be converted?
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It sounds like a better description of your friend is agnostic, not atheist. He is seeking, and it may be that the main (or only) reason is that he values his relationship with you, realizes that your beliefs are very important to you, and wants to see if he can make a connection with those beliefs for the sake of the relationship. Your prayers should be that through the process he will come to recognize and value a relationship with God above everything else. If he does, then a marriage will have the proper foundation to survive and be fruitful. If he doesn’t come to a relationship with Christ but just continues going to church with you to prop up your relationship, it will never last. This is a great opportunity for you (and your church) to possibly lead someone to Christ who might not ever have come by another way. But you must prepare yourself for the fact that he might say no and then you yourself will be faced with a choice to follow Christ and not be unequally yoked to an unbeliever or to settle for a compromised marriage and a compromised relationship with God. As far as the church folks are concerned, if they are really a loving group whose focus is salvation\reconciliation, they will support you both. And I would suggest introducing him as an inquirer and not try to pass him off as a believer to anyone.
I would never have advised you to go down the road you are on, but now that you’re there you must continue by focusing intently on God and His will. That way, even if you have made a false step, He will guide you through. My best wishes and prayers are with you on your journey.
I haven’t “passed him off” as anything. Most of the time, outside of revival events, people assume that if you’re attending church you must be a Christian. If you stick to Sunday morning services and stay away from the bible studies, it is entirely possible to go forever without anyone ever asking you what you actually believe. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that little involvement in a church, but that’s all some people ever do.
Even if he never becomes a Christian, how would that compromise my relationship with God?
[QUOTE=Bible man]
If he doesn’t come to a relationship with Christ but just continues going to church with you to prop up your relationship, it will never last. This is a great opportunity for you (and your church) to possibly lead someone to Christ who might not ever have come by another way. But you must prepare yourself for the fact that he might say no and then you yourself will be faced with a choice to follow Christ and not be unequally yoked to an unbeliever or to settle for a compromised marriage and a compromised relationship with God.
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I’m an atheist, not in anyway agnostic. In a couple of hours I will be leaving to take my two kids to church school at the church where I sometimes attend with my Catholic husband of 25 years and our family.
Whether or not it lasts will be entirely up to the two of you, but I wouldn’t expect him to hang around the church much if there’s a lot of the above attitude.
Wow…what an arrogant tool. BibleDude, with that sanctimonius tone, who would ever ask your advice on anything? “False Step”? Arrogant maroon.
How could being in a loving relationship possily compromise her relationship with God? Is it the lack of exclusivity? Is it her ability to see outside the cloister?
Nice comments. :wally
-Cem
I know, I wouldn’t expect him to either. But I’m actually suprised I haven’t heard more comments like Bible Man’s - he sounds just like my mother. From a recent email:
It’s none of their business. SWMBO and I have the same situation. She’s Catholic, I’m agnostic, borderline atheist. Every once in a while, I’ll go waste a couple of hours in church with her because it makes her happy. But it’s nobody’s business whether I’m Catholic or plan to be, and I have said that to more than one person.
Heh. My children have gone to a Catholic church, a Lutheran preschool, and a Jewish summer daycamp. They don’t seem confused, although they probably have more of a tendency to walk around humming “Shabbat Shalom” than most Catholic kids.
I’m going to go against the flow here just a bit. You’re obviously very invested in your faith, and while the current relationship scenario is very positive personality wise, there are two ways this can go if you both decide to have kids and the non-religious spouse can be supportive or not.
It’s not unheard of to have an atheist/agnostic daddy and a religious mommy, but most religious parents (and moms most especially) when the kids get old enough to receive religious instruction, will insist on the kids being brought up in the faith. If daddy is not on board with this major, nuclear level conflicts can arise and marriages have broken up over specifically this issue.
Beyond this, it is often the case that religion becomes more and more important in peoples lives as they get older. If this is wedge issue now, it’s not likely to becomes less of one later when kids are onboard, unless daddy is willing to defer entirely on the religious instruction issue to you.
In a family that I know pretty well, the dad is Lebanese (raised Muslim, non-practicing) and the (American) mother goes to my parent’s Nazerene church. The dad, although never attending church himself, has always made it clear that their two teenaged boys will attend with their mother and show her religion respect. Their relationship seems fine from the outside, and they’ve been married for at least 19 years now.
That is what I would want from him, if it came to that point. I’ll make sure that he knows that before we do anything permanent, though.
That’s true, probably. I did decide to defer, partly because it was important to my husband to be in good standing with the church and raising the children Catholic, at least through confirmation was part of the deal. Also, I was pretty sure that the sort of Christian education they were going to get would be fairly benign, as it has been. I have every confidence that they can decide for themselved what they will believe in future, as have my husband and I. I haven’t discussed my lack of belief with them, I just haven’t made any moves to join the church.
IIRC, you have a daughter. How did you two deal with church attendence for her?
So… he defers to you and you take the kids to Church on regular basis. they want to know why Daddy doesn’t go and ask him. He says he respects Mommy’s beliefs, but that God is just big sky fairy and is like the Easter Bunny (to him), is that acceptable? Are you OK with going to church with yourself and kids without dad coming along as a family? Is that an acceptable scenario for your notion of married life and raising kids?
I’m not sure that referring to God as a big sky fairy to one’s children would qualify as respecting Mommy’s beliefs. I haven’t had to go there yet, since my kids are young, but I plan to explain that I respect a good deal of the wisdom the Bible has to offer, but consider it a document produced by fallible humans and disagree with some of the specific teachings of the church. There are ways of politely excusing oneself from participation that don’t involve criticising other positions. Also, so far the OP’s bf is going along to church, at least sometimes.
In any case, shielding our kids from other systems of belief isn’t a goal for either my husband or me. He justed asked that they have a Catholic religious education in addition to all the other education they get.
However, I was raised as a Presbyterian and most of my friends and family are Christians with varying degrees of fervor, so I may be more mellow about it than some atheists.
I thought it was an Invisible Purple Unicorn 
I want to say yes, that is acceptable, because I know that he wouldn’t make it harder than it has to be. But I’m 22, and this all seems a long way off. I know I’m probably not seeing this clearly due to my age, love, and my irrationally optimistic outlook.
However, I don’t think it harms children to know that their parents don’t agree on anything. I wouldn’t be ashamed to take my family to church by myself. I’m proud of my CaveMan for putting so much thought and time into his beliefs (more than I’ve seen in any Christian guy my age), even if he hasn’t come to the same conclusion as me.
Maybe I’ll go to hell for this, but I’d rather have my children learn how to think than how to believe.
This is likely to be an issue in any mixed-belief marriage, especially where the beliefs are wildly different. There is also the option of raising the kids with “Daddy believes this, Mommy believes that” (or, in particularly religiously diverse families like mine, “Mommy believes this, Daddy believes it’s private, Grandma and Grandpa believe that, Gramps believes the other, Uncle J likes to study the subject . . .”) and making sure that they are clear about what standards of behaviour they are expected to maintain.
I would say the most important thing is to be honest with the kids – and, for that matter, with all adults involved in their upbringing.