At almost 37, I have a slowly-expanding but unmistakeably thin patch forming at the back of my head, and my hair overall is getting noticeably (to me) thinner than it was just a few years back. I have really dark hair, so I know this is easily spotted by everyone. It’s already worse than it used to be – a year or two ago this patch was only visible directly from behind, and now I can sometimes see it from the front in the mirror if my hair is disheveled. I don’t quite have the telltale “shiny spot” yet, but it’s just a matter of time.
This is driving me crazy, and it’s made me extremely self-conscious. Every time I think about it, I feel gross and pathetic and incredibly unattractive. My (beautiful, 10-years-younger-than-me) wife tells me it doesn’t bother her at all, and that she still finds me attractive, and I believe she means it… but I can’t help doubting that anyone could find a gross, balding version of me attractive. Then I start thinking “What if she meets some younger guy…” and all kinds of other silly shit.
I know this is just part of getting older for some of us. There’s nothing I can really do about it, short of spending huge amounts of money on treatments that (at best) will only delay the inevitable, so I just have to figure out a way to live with it. But the worse it gets, the more I feel like a joke.
Other men in my position, how did you deal with this? And ladies, what are your thoughts on bald(ing) men? Any suggestions on how to update my look to (hopefully) avoid feeling like a middle-aged doofus are more than welcome as well.
Short version: I have a had two surgical hair restoration procedures. It works, and it is permanent. I now have a full head of my own growing hair. My wife too said she was fine with my balding. Yep, until my balding spots began to fill in. Then she was all like “Thank god!”
My suggestion is if your balding bothers you as much as it bothered me, and you have the financial resources available to do something about it, then start researching folicular reimplantation. My procedures were expensive, but well worth it.
Yow. $20,000 total? Sadly, that’s not likely to be an option for me in the foreseeable… ever. Glad you’re satisfied with the results, though. If I had that kind of cash to burn, I’d probably go for it.
Why are you gross? Did you start picking your nose to distract yourself from your hair loss or something? Because yeah, that’s pretty unattractive.
And I don’t know how to say this without sounding bitchy, so I’m just going to put it out there. If your wife is 10 years younger than you and objectively beautiful, she could ALWAYS have met someone younger and/or better-looking than you. She probably did meet several people like that…and she chose you anyway, and still chooses you every single day even when you’re having an existential crisis about your hair. So why would you think she’d suddenly stop choosing you at this point in the game?
Every male ancestor of mine had male pattern baldness, and so do I. I just keep a 1/4" buzzcut now. Whatever you do, comb-overs and other useless coverups look ridiculous. Just be a man about it and be bald.
My thoughts on balding men. (in the interests of full disclosure I should tell you that my husband is fairly bald and was starting to bald when I met him, when he was in his early 20s).
I find it to be a neutral factor - it doesn’t make a man more or less attractive to me, as long as he OWNS his thinning/receding hair. Don’t try to cover it up. Find a haircut that works with the pattern you’re developing and fits your face and carry it with confidence.
Remember - you can’t go bald without lots of testosterone, right? You’re super manly!
I think you’re just going to have to accept looking like a middle-aged doofus. I have the same problem as you (plus my hair is going… well, gone… grey as well).
My only advice is to keep your hair cut short. When I go too long, it looks like a bird has tried to make a nest on top of my head. (When I see a picture of myself from behind, I think, “No! That’s not me!”)
I miss my hair.
Think about Captain Pickard. He had, like no hair at all, and he was pretty hot. Anyway, that’s what I do.
My DH had hair transplants from some “hair clinic” in FL and he lost those too. So now he’s out the $$$$$ plus has big scars at the nape of his neck in addition to the thin hair top and front. He’s not happy with it. Rogaine failed him. So he just lives with it, altho I know it bothers him more than it does me.
Yes, it was expensive, but two procedures were necessary for me; some people have more than two. I am happy that I won’t have to worry about going bald again.
Upthread, pravnik mentioned Rogaine. I was using both Rogaine and Propecia which supposedly help to regrow hair at the crown of your head. YMMV, but they both did absolutely nothing for me so I stopped using Rogaine and didn’t renew my prescription for Propecia. Anyway, why play games with topical products with spotty track records when there is only one sure way to get your own growing hair back?
Well, that stinks. I’ve heard some horror stories from folks who have gone to less than reputable facilities. The only way to combat this is with research. There are some providers that have excellent reputations.
Believe me, I do realize that “guy who looks like he’s trying to cover up the fact that he’s going bald” is far sillier than just “guy who’s going bald.” I definitely don’t want to be that guy. Problem is, I really don’t want to be the other guy, either.
I haven’t tried Rogaine. I’ve heard some unfavorable things about it from acquaintances who’ve tried it, and I don’t really have the money for it. My only realistic option is “deal with it,” which is what I’m trying (unsuccessfully) to do. I tend to judge myself very harshly in most things, so that doesn’t exactly help.
Balding is one of those things that one really has very little control over.
I’d recommend not obsessing over it, and focusing on the things you do have control over - health, weight, fitness, family, and career (among others).
You can start with a clipper, at a long-ish setting and take it from there to get used to it. But you’ll likely want to go with a razor at some point. I do it about once a week. Stubble is nice.
I had long, luxurious hair in my teens. Starting balding in my late 20’s. I though it better to be bald than balding, so I shaved it all off and never looked back.
As I see it, God decided I would be bald. I embraced it.
If you go this route, and you are a white guy, you **will **need some facial hair.
I’ve been bald for the last 40 years and never tried to be anything else. The women that I’ve known haven’t cared; when I asked them about baldness, they said the only bad options were to try to combover or a toupee.
Baldness never was a handicap in either my professional life or personal life - but then I’m not in a competition that is just about my hair.
