… and since I’ll never get paid for it as a full time job, of course I’m going to (pretend) to be a games developer. 
I’ve somehow gotten it into my head that programming a game would be a nice hobby. And if I can somehow get it on the Apple store and it makes me back my $99 developer fee, hey, so much the better.
I did PASCAL and VB, and the last time I touched a compiler was in 2000.
Tell me how stupid I am. 
I can’t offer much insight except to say that pretty much all development now is done using object oriented languages. VB is kinda sorta object oriented in the sense of using classes and methods and whatever, but don’t ever say that to a C++ programmer. In VB, IIRC, most if not all of the classes and methods are already defined for you so you don’t really have to think about creating them the way you would if you’re doing system design. Of course for all I know there are accepted libraries that game developers use so maybe that wouldn’t be an issue.
I would reccommend Java, its easier than C ++ (or #), and you can run it on the web easier as well. Its a good hobby especially if you don’t expect to get rich doing it. But, you never know, so it should keep you going.
I’d recommend python, its easier(and a lot more fun) than java.
I apologize, I know nothing about Apple development - if you want to skip my post right now, I understand…
Flash will allow you to develop games quickly and is easily hosted on the web. It has a scripting language that isn’t too difficult. There are a ton of good books on it.
Torque has a game engine that is scripted and if you got to a point where you wanted to publish, it can easily be ported to several consoles, including iTorque, Torque Wii, Torque X and Torque 360. There are a few books out there. It has several pricing levels that I think can be made to fit your needs.
MS’ answer to Flash, SilverLight, can be used to create games and can be extended with C# or VB.net. There are tons of books on it. I have not used it at all and so cannot comment too heavily on it.
The biggest issue I have run into with game development is finding an animator. I have no artistic ability and have not been able to hook up with someone who wants to do this as a hobby. I have run into a few who *say *that they do, but months go by without any work being done.
If you’re doing Apple development, chances are you’re probably going to use Objective-C. Maybe there are other options, but that’s the mainstream one. You’re definitely not going to be using C# or VB, as they are Microsoft technologies.
As to your OP, you’re not stupid. As I do it for a living, I don’t see how it would be fun to have as a hobby, but to each their own. If you’re interested in it, I say go for it. Pick up a couple books or find some online tutorials and go to town.
I’m a C++ programmer (or at least used to be - close to 10 years of it) and VB, at least the modern versions, are definitely OO.
I don’t want to be the naysayer in all this, but I think you might be a little surprised at the cost. The developer’s fee might be $99, but I believe you have to have a current-generation Mac on which to develop. I had an Apple G4 (ca. 2002) and as far as I know, I was not able to get the development software/environment for it.
I am a Windows and Unix programmer, so I thought I would explore the Mac world, as well, but the initial investment was a little daunting. Of course, YMMV.
But, on the other hand, jumping into programming is an awesome hobby.
$99? Xcode is included on your Apple OS dvd. I think you can even download it for free off Apple’s site.
Xcode looked pretty daunting when I checked it out, but I’m not a serious programmer. If you’re on a Mac you might want to check out RealBasic or maybe even javascript/html. It just depends on what kind of game you’re going for.
Another poster agreeing that programming is a great hobby. Java is a wonderful, easily approachable object-oriented language with tons of predefined classes, documentation, tutorials, and example code. Don’t worry about downloading the Java Runtime Environment (JRE)… Mac OS comes with it built-in.
This is all not to say it’s easy – writing workable programs in Java requires a good bit of training. You can get a bundle of how-to books, but books can only teach syntax and standards. You have to go to school to learn good design.
As far as Flash goes: yes, it’s an excellent tool for creating web-based games, but it comes with a steep learning curve. Swish is a much more novice-friendly program which allows you to create fully usable Flash objects.
Are you limited to Apple? Microsoft XNA is an integrated design environment (IDE) which uses C# (Microsoft’s version of Java, though they’re essentially the same as far as syntax goes). XNA is the standard IDE for engineering games for the XBox and apps for the Android operating system.
I hope this information is helpful. You’re getting into a challenging but extremely rewarding hobby.
Just to expand on what Agent Foxtrot said about XNA, it can also be used for developing games for the (Windows) PC and for Microsoft’s new Windows Phone 7.
The idea is that you can develop a game that someone can play on their X-Box 360, and continue playing on their phone or a PC. How well it will actually work is still TBD.
Good luck!
I just realized that if I want to make anything for the iPhone, I have to get a Mac.
Gah.
Might not need a Mac, but you will probably need OSX, which can be run on a PC through dual-boot or through VMWare.
I browsed several “How to write an iPhone app” books in a bookstore that were very informative.