I’d hate to sound like I’m supporting Temperance in any way, but you could always just drink water when you’re out on the town. Or alternate water and a mixed drink. I’ve found the latter is the way to go if I’m going to be drinking for any extended period.
ETA: The BJCP Guidelines can be quite handy. You’ve already found one of the key descriptors - IBUs. The others are “maltiness” and “sweetness.” Good luck!
ETA2: Try a Shiner Bock. Great beer!
When the weather gets hot, like it has been for a while now, I used to switch to mass-produced, american light beer for my normal “have a few” beer (usually Old Milwaukee Light, or Miller High Life Light). I will be laughed at and mocked by other people in this thread, and I don’t care. It feels right, and I drink enough other “good” beer to not care.
This summer, however, is different. On a visit to my sister’s house in South Dakota, I tried Leinie’s Summer Shandy (link was down when I tried, but I would guess it will be back soon). Heaven on a hot day, and not at all bitter, if that’s what you’re trying to avoid. Lemonade and beer - I am lead to understand this is common in England, but this was my first encounter. Caution, however: always be conscious of your consumption of them, as they go down easy, and it’s not difficult to end up happily asleep as the sun beats down on you.
A slight hijack (but beer-related): When my daughter was baptized, some family came to visit, and we all went out to dinner. The ‘best’ place to eat in town, at the time, was pretty much a steakhouse in the basement of a local bar. Our waitress mentioned they had both domestic and imported beer available. My sister (not the one mentioned above) asked for the import list, and the waitress started rattling them off. The list ended with Leinenkugel. We assumed either: A) the waitress just thought it sounded exotic, so it must be imported, or B) it was shipped over Lake Superior, thru Canada, and thence back to Minnesota. I prefer B.
I have a friend who never liked beer until I bought a pitcher of Sam Addams Cherry Wheat.
Joeyp, you live near one of the best breweries in the U.S. in New Glarus. Also close to you is Tyranena. Check out many of their beers first. Do you like fruit? New Glarus has two incredible fruit beers in Belgian Red and Raspberry Tart. Both will show you that beer has a very wide range of flavors. Tyranena makes a great porter called Devil Made Me Do It. If you can find a shop near you that will allow you to “mix 6”–where you get to pick singles out of different 6-packs, that’s the best way to go when getting started. Find a good beer site as well. I recommend ratebeer.com. Good luck!
I can’t stand beer either, but I really enjoy the taste of a framboise. I’ve been told it’s a beer made from raspberries. Trader Joe’s by me carries the Lindemans brand, you may want to check that out.
I didn’t like beer until I was at a Dopefest at a CCBC, where I had a Samuel Adams Cherry Wheat.
Two things.
I started with “good beer” (i.e. not a huge commercial macrobrew) and liked beer immediately. No “acquired tase” for me. I’ve known many other people who liked beer right as as well. De gustibus and all that.
Anyone who says “there is no good beer to be found at [X location in North America]” is simply displaying some astounding ignorance. I’ve found exceptional microbrews and craftbrews everywhere I’ve looked.
After reading this thread and seriously empathizing with the OP and after having a really terrible day from beginning to end, I ended up at the local Albertsons and perused their beer selection. I was hoping to try a nice wussy Young’s Double Chocolate, but no luck, so I figured I’d try the Spaten Optimator Dark.
Yep, it tastes exactly like beer. I don’t think I’d recommend this to someone trying to start liking beer, since it’s pretty darn strong tasting. However, it is, well, ah heck, I don’t know how to describe it as not-nearly-as-watery-horse-pissy as most. It’s really dark, didn’t get much head at all, but definitely tastes thicker and darker. But yeah, beer. 
I know it gets dogged a lot, especially on the boards, but I think Red Stripe has a nice, light, not-too-beery flavor. I think of it as the refreshing spring water of beers. Then again, many of my friends hate the taste, though they tend to be the same people who drink Bud Light/Miller Lite on a regular basis. Corona has this same sort of “beer light” taste, though it’s not as good in my opinion. It does have the advantage of being cheaper and easier to find, however. For a stronger beer, I second Guiness, although I’ve never drunk it out of a can. It has a chocolatier taste compared with the assier taste of some other beers.
I used to think I hated all beer (except Guiness) until a couple of years ago. After trying many different types, I realized that there are some that are quite nice. I now consider beer to be my drink of choice, although I am very picky about the kinds I like. The key, as others have noted, is to experiment.
Can anyone play? I hate beer, too. Don’t like the lack of sweetness, don’t like the flavor, just find it gross. To answer the “why do you want to like it” question, it’s the same as the others: it’s often what is being served when you go to someone’s house, and while I could just drink water, sure, (and if all there is is beer, that’s what I do) but I’d like to enjoy a buzzing good time with my friends as much as the next person. Also a lot of bars have really cheap beer specials. It’s far more economical than the $7 drinks I end up getting 
My boyfriend is a beer drinker. He did the Winking Lizard Tavern’s “World Tour of Beers” last year, for which he got a free jacket (you have to drink 100 beers–they give you a list, some of them nobody’s ever heard of before–before the end of the year to win. They keep track of what you get in their computer to avoid cheaters) anyway he’s always saying “ok try this one” and yeah, most of them make me wrinkle up my face in disgust and look around for something to get the taste out of my mouth, while the “better” ones merely make me glad I’m only having the one sip. I haven’t yet had one I’d drink more than a sip of, or try a second time on purpose.
I like sweet drinks. Very. Sweet. Drinks. When I drink I order a Margarita, Sex on the Beach, Lemon Drop, etc. Woodchuck (or similar) cider is just barely drinkable if that’s all there is, but it isn’t really sweet enough and it reminds me too much of beer. I don’t like dry white wines or most red wines, because they’re not sweet enough. I think champagne tastes better if you mix 7-Up into it.
You’d cry if you saw what I do to my coffee.
Ok, so… do you think there is any beer out there that I would actually like?
Just out of interest, have you been through Europe and drank draught beer there? I ask because I find it hard to believe that somebody who had done that would claim that US domestic beer is in the same ballpark with that stuff.
Sometimes, beer in stores isn’t all that fresh. Microbrews & the better imports often lack preservatives. And you can’t be sure how well the beer was handled in transit, or how long it’s been on the shelf.
I’d suggest visiting a few places where fine beers are served, especially if they have large selections on tap. Find your area microbreweries. See if they have tastings–often as part of a tour. Fine beer establishments will sometimes offer “flights”–sample portions of several beers–linked by “type” or geographical origin.
You’ll usually find knowledgeable employees. And a bunch of “experts” on the other side of the bar, who will usually be glad to guide a newbie.
Well, gosh, no. Some of us have not yet made the Grand Tour. Besides, while we’re in the USA, we need something good to drink while we’re here. And we can usually find it.
What US beers have you tasted–in the USA? Should I judge Australian beer by the Foster’s Lager cans that are easily available here?
Sam Adams has something for everybody. The Cherry Wheat and Summer Ale are personal favorites of mine.
I don’t like the taste of beer, and I will fifth or sixth hard cider. It’s widely available nowadays, it looks just like beer, has about the same alcohol content, but it is JUST FRIKKIN’ DELICIOUS. Has the wonderful taste of apples without all the sweetness. It was thrown off it because all the so-called “Apple Cider” that’s not hard cider is just corn syrup that’s had an apple waved over it. WAAAAAY too sweet for my tastes. Finally I tried some hard cider, and WOW. Great stuff.
I’ve had Coors, Bud, Miller, Rolling Rock, Samuel Adams and a fair few others I can’t remember the names of now.
Nobody drinks Fosters in Australia. If you turned up at a party with Fosters, you would get laughed out of there. The reason people don’t drink it here is because it tastes terrible. I’m sure if you’ve ever had any, you are aware of this already.
Whazzat? Someone in the Milwaukee area has surplus beer? Needs help drinking it? This too good to be true!
Ever been to Von Triers(sp)? They have hundreds of beers there. May be the place to go with some buddies and have a taste test night.
Probably not right now. I’ve been where you are though. There was a point when a sip of beer would turn my stomach to the point that I would be running to the bathroom because my body was so eager to rid itself of the stuff. I would keep drinking Woodchuck. If you learn to like the taste of that, work to the dryer ciders and then to beer.
I’ve found that, with time and repeated exposure, I’ve been able to learn to like a fair number of things that I couldn’t stand in the past. I’ve just had to ease myself into it.
And stop being so mean to your coffee! It should still taste like coffee, not dessert!
I think that Joey P should try to like beer the way a lot of the rest of us got to. By drinking Coors Light, Bud Light, or Budweiser.
I know it’s fashionable to toss Budweiser into the “disgusting” category. But I think that “inoffensive” is a more apt label. The carbonation feel is going to be more familiar. It doesn’t have as complex a flavor, or as strong a flavor as anything others are recommending. I think it’s a good, basic, 101 beer. . .
And, I don’t think that Shamozzle is being “snobbish” when he slams American beers. He’s just being downright ignorant. There is no real beer drinker that doesn’t realize the US has caught the rest of the world, and some make the case that the United States is making the best beer in the world right now.
He sounds like a guy saying, “I just drink French wines, not that California crap.”
Much like US cultivation of grapes, we’ve developed some of the most interesting hops on the planet. . .particularly the cascade variety, and it’s brethren.
German and Czech beer might have seemed interesting when all the US had to drink was mega-brews, but to anyone who has been drinking beer for 20+ years, most of it seems pretty limited compared to what we’re making now.