I'm watching a slow-motion train wreck. :(

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I have a 23 year old cousin who has sort of been mooching her way through life. She didn’t go to college, prefers to just hang out and party with her friends. Her parents eventually tried tough love and kicked her out of the house, but she just moved in with an aunt, and then a different one, and then stayed with some friends, and then on to another relative… Now and then she gets a job, cashier or sales clerk mostly, but she gets bored and quits, or comes in late (or not at all) often enough to get fired soon enough.

I’ve now learned she’s been ‘getting by’ the past year and a half by living on cash advances from her credit card. Yup, she borrows up to her credit limit, uses some of the money to keep paying the minimum due each month, and uses the rest for daily expenses. So far each time she’s almost out of money she’d been able to get her credit limit raised and get more cash advances… See, she’s such a good customer: always pays the minimum, carries a nice, profitable balance… :eek:

The reason I know about this is that for the first time the bank refused to up her limit, and now she’s hitting up all her relatives for loans. Not to pay her living expenses, no. She wants the money so she can keep her credit card payments current. Figures if she does that for another couple of months, maybe they’ll changer their minds and raise her limits another few thou, and then she’ll “have enough” to pay off all her relatives and continue to mooch her way along…

Honestly. She thinks this is a sensible plan!

And, no, there’s nothing at all wrong with her physically. She could perfectly well get a job and support herself. And she got decent grades in High School so she could get some more schooling or training and advance herself. Or she could try to find a husband to support her – though I’ve seen the guys she goes with and that doesn’t seem a great chance.

But it’s no good trying to talk any sense to her. She’s “happy this way” and says “just leave me alone.”

Except hand over some cash first, please, and can I crash at your place for a while? :rolleyes: Lovely, huh?

2

Hey c’mon, I realize she’s your cousin but, really, why would you wish her on anybody?

I’ve got quite a few relatives I wouldn’t wish on anybody…

3

Well, I don’t have any cash to spare, but if she’s hot, she can crash at my place. :wink:

I know it sounds cruel, but has she considered a career in stripping? The pay’s pretty good, the work isn’t too terribly difficult, and from what I understand, many of the places are just happy if the gals show up conscious.

Otherwise, I’ve got nothing, other than to say make sure you stand clear when she finally crashes down.

4

You probably know this already, but do whatever you can to make sure she doesn’t try to apply for a new credit card under your name (or anyone else in the family).

Some people, when they feel the crash coming, try to clean house and turn their lives around. Others just sink to a new level. Unfortunately, the latter is far more common.

5

(sorry, hit submit too soon)

Judging by her plan for solving her financial problems, by the time she gets to taking out a card in your name she’ll probably have already convinced herself that it will all work out fine and nothing bad will happen to you.

Alternately, if she’s always complaining that all the problems in her life are because of other people, she may rationalize that you’re the cause of her problems and this is the way to get what’s coming to her. It doesn’t matter what happens to you because it’s all your fault anyway.

6

People need to make their own mistakes - even if you think she’s insane for the way she’s behaved all her life, at the end of the day, it is her life. There are always times that you will not be able to help - and there are often times when your help is just facilitating their behaviour.

My sister is a prime example of someone who thinks of a “great” idea, then asks everyone to help out. It was never a great idea, never will be, never could be and no, don’t ever ask me for help. She’s dragged her arse for her whole life, everything is everyone else’s fault, she’s had a hard life, yadda yadda. All bullshit, wake up and smell the coffee and get a life. There’s nothing I can’t stand more than someone who can’t stand up and accept responsiblity for their own lives. Your cousin is able bodied - she chooses to live this lifestyle - that’s fine as long as she funds it herself. When she asks you to help her, then it becomes your business and you can always say no. I’ve done it (so much so, she’s eventually learnt not to ask anymore because she knows the answer before she even asks the question).

Sorry about the rant - this one just hit a nerve.

7

At this point, everyone who knows of her plan and is still giving her money might as well be standing next to her, helping her dig that hole.

8

Geez, it must be hard watching someone on the downward spiral, knowing that they won’t take your help.

I think all you can do is let her know that you believe what she are doing is ultimately going to ruin her, and tell her that once she realises this herself, you’ll be willing to help her (not by giving her money, but by helping her build a budget, helping her practice for job interviews, etc).

9

No offense intended, but is this any more of a realistic life plan than the one she’s pursuing?

10

I have a feeling that this will be the course she takes. After all, what’s easier than finding a nice man who’ll give you all his money and all you have to do is sleep with him occasionally? The end result will be that she will either take someone nice down with her to ruination or she will find somone like herself and they will accelerate each other down that spiral.

11

This is the kind of woman that terrifies me about dating.

Let her flounder; she’ll have to declare bankruptcy or do debt consolidation and counselling, and will learn something from it. As long as people keep bailing her out, she’ll remain “happy this way”.

Do her a favor and let her hang. There aren’t any alligators in that pit.

Stranger

12

Therein lies the road to ruin and unhappiness! You really have to hope that she doesn’t consider that a viable option, it’s not going to make anyone happy in the long run.

Personally I’d be inclined to point her in the direction of the “help wanted” ads and a good debt counsellor. She needs help, not constant bailing out. One day it’s all going to backfire on her if she doesn’t sort herself out now. The best thing you can do for her is stop helping.

13

I lived off credit like that for a couple years (I call them my transition years) and racked up a good $20K of debts. Today I am debt free (credit card, that is). It can be done. The secret: GET A FREAKING JOB.

14

You speak the truth.

15

This is why I have never wanted to get a credit card. Although these days I’ve grown fairly responsible when it comes to money management, I’m certain that there was a time that, had I some plastic to ply, I would’ve plied it 'til it begged for sweet death. And then I’d have been screwed. If anything, refusing to get a credit card forced me to live within my means, which itself forced me to make sure that I had a job so that I had the means in the first place, and the lack of anything of significance to fall back on in the absence of a job forced me to adopt a much more professional attitude towards work so that I kept my job. Easy credit is a quick ride into debt hell for the fiscally irresponsible – or even the fiscally clueless.

There are a few things that need to happen here from the way I see it. First of all, somebody needs to shred that credit card of hers. It has provided only short-term benefits at the expense of long term problems and it’s not doing her any favors. Thus cut off from the fount of false hopes, her only means of support would then be to get a damn job. Any job. And keep it. So emancipated from the yoke credit hell, she can begin climbing out of the pit she’s dug for herself – which will probably take her a long time. Unfortunately, short finding a leprechaun’s pot 'o gold to mooch from, there’s no other reasonable way out of her predicament. It’s going to suck and she’s going to hate it – but welcome to the real world anyway.

16

How does someone get a credit card without a job anyway?

OT rant - When I went back to school during registration there were little booths set up from credit card companies giving kids credit cards. I wondered why the school allowed it until I found out the University actually gets a percentage.

These kids know nothing about credit or how interest works.

I’m not putting all the blame on the credit card company but should people that get a credit card have to have an actual job and make a certain amount of money before they get a card?

17

The biggests thing that will bite her in the ass is she’s not planing on paying it back, so it’s fraud, which can led to jail time. I would advise that no more gets listed to this thread as it is admisable in court.

18

My son started college this past year. He has no job. (Which is rant for another time and place.) Each and every day he receives at least one offer from a credit card company. I have no idea what this is all about but getting college kids into debt early doesn’t seem like a good business decision on the issuing company’s part.

19

Years ago I got laid off in one of those fun corporate downsizing deals, and the job market was terrible so it took me a while to find a new job. When my savings ran out I started living off my credit card, which was probably the stupidest financial move of my life (I was young and stupid). When I finally did get a new job it took me forever to pay the damned thing off, which of course is exactly what the credit company wanted. The woman referred to in the OP is just more extreme than I was. She’s racking up a huge debt and most of her minimum payments go to interest and fees. Her credit company probably loves her to death, because they can list her debt as an asset. She’s a cash generator for them.

Some of the stuff these companies do makes no sense. Once I had my balance paid down I never carried one again; I pay it off every month. The thing is, they keep raising my credit limit, even though it has to be obvious that I will never put that much on my card.

My limit is now up to $23,000, and my name ain’t Rockefeller.

20

Preach it, Mindfield and Exgineer!

I went through just this: compounding debt, near-bankruptcy, then a five-year slog paying the debt off.

During the slog, I had threadbare clothes, a hand-me-down parka, and holey shoes; I missed things I desperately-wanted to go to, I was unable to rent a car, and I had no significant holidays (it was an overseas holiday and a camcorder to go with it that put me over the edge in the first place).

But that was still better than the stress of being in debt and going down.

I was luckier than many, too. I was able to get a “consumer proposal” instead of a bankruptcy. And, during the whole slog, I had a job (the same job, the one I have now), and I was able to afford things like counseling to take care of other parts of the problem.