My friend has been in talk therapy for over a year for anxiety disorder. She also saw a shrink for a month or so and got her anti-anxiety meds. Her anxiety will often manifest itself in gastrointestinal distress to the point where I have had to take her to the ER in the middle of the night. Her therapist has recently told her she needs to see a shrink again to get more anti-anxiety meds and be treated for depression. She won’t make an appointment with the shrink because she’s not sure where the office is and she won’t drive there. I volunteered to drive her there but she refused, saying she would do it herself. She’s been in a major funk for the last week, won’t return phone calls and when I e-mailed her today saying I was concerned, responded “I’m just tired, I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in over a month.” Plus managed to twist all her problems to be someone else’s fault. I’m worried because she’s getting “worse” plus I’m getting pissed because I’m tired to trying to deal sanely with a person who is not thinking correctly. I can’t force her to the shrink. I can be there to support her but I’m getting extremely frustrated and have reached the end of patience. I don’t think she’s suicidal–she’d be too afraid. Any suggestions?
I think you should just continue to be there for her. If she’s not ready to face her problems, there is nothing you can do. She will eventually get there, so be sure to be in the right place.
Seriously, you need to call local officials to come and get her.
Not take her away in a white coat. Check her into a local mental institution.
She doesn’t seem to be a danger to other people, and she may hate you for it, but it would be for her own good.
Offer one more time to take her to her appointment and if she refuses, distance yourself. You are not Sandy’s keeper and you already know if she doesn’t want to be helped you can’t help her. Take it from someone who got sucked into a three-year committed relationship with a severely mentally ill person. The stress on you is not worth it. If she refuses your help again, cut and run.
I take anti-anxiety meds myself. She’s probably in denial. Let her cope with it, and try not to pressure her. She knows she needs help. It may take her a bit to go to a doctor, but I am betting she will go. Pressuring her is not going to make the situation any better.
Hi there,
I am sorry your friend is having such a rough go, and that you are so worried about her.
You say you do not think she is suicidal. You might ask her, point blank, if she has thought of killing herself, or if she’s ever thought of how she would do it if she was going to commit suicide. If you feel she has made a plan, I would call her doctor first, and if I did not get any satisfaction there, then I would call the local mental health department and/or the sherrif. These folks all know how to intervene with your friend to keep her safe.
There is a certain amount of resistance in any therapy, and often things get worse before they get better. After all, all those non-constructive defenses/coping skills are there for a reason and can be very hard to give up or move past while whatever they help your friend manage is active, so to speak. If your friend is in full blown resistance over certain material in her therapy, it might manifest itself in this way (refusal to get meds adjustments, trying to poo pah her problems, etc.)
It is also true that dosing for anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds is somewhat hit or miss, and it is not uncommon for adjustments to be made in one’s medications. I would continue to encourage her to follow up on the meds without being a nag (you don’t want her to be in a struggle with you, too).
If you feel that a call to her therapist is warranted because things are going on that the therapist might no be aware of, please go ahead and call. Be aware that confidentiality issues might prevent the therapist from responding to you in any sort of satusfying way, and it is possible that the new HIPPA regulations will prevent the therapist from admitting your friend is a patient at all. If you feel this is too difficult to handle with a phone call, write a letter.
There is only so much you can do to encourage your friend to take care of herself. If you do not feel she is a danger to herself or others, all you can do is be as supportive as possible and let go of the idea that you can fix this. You can’t. Your friend has to fix this. She might make a real mess for herself while she is working all this out. It may become very hard to watch. If she calls to talk about her misery and indicates that she has not taken any positive steps, you may want to think about limiting the amount of time you allow her to dump…if you allow her to manage her anxiety/depression by listening when she is not making any positive steps on her own, you would be giving her an excuse not to move forward by rewarding her stuckness.
Depressed people are not the best friends…hang in there with her if you can, and remind yourself often that she has to do this for herself.
Wish I had more to offer.