IMDb sucks yak cock

The BBQ Pit
1

IMDb is a great archive of movies. Really, it is. I love being able to go to a website and look up any movie I want, find out who’s in it, or whatever. The one thing it has going for it is how comprehensive it is.

The one thing.

Every day, IMDb chokes up more on that big ol’ slimy yak cock. Years ago, they only had their hand on the nuts, maybe tonguing the glans of it a little bit due to their horrible discussion forums populated almost entirely by hit-in-the-head-with-a-pan-when-they-were-young retardos. People clogging up even the forums for good movies which you would expect would appeal mostly to intellectual people, starting pointless threads reading non-existent homosexual subtexts into films that obviously don’t have them, idiots arguing over the most ridiculous topics imaginable with horrible grammar and spelling, and [post deleted] all over the place.

These forums filled with idiots were bad enough. Then the little pop-up ads started coming, and they started huffin’ down that yak cock even more. Their lips were only about three inches up when the first ads appeared, which were typically small but had the unbelievably insidious and weasely tactic of hiding the “close” button in some obscure spot, making it a distracting pain in the ass to close them.

Then the ads started getting bigger and bigger, and IMDb started licking and sucking that throbbing yak cock even more. They started taking up nearly the entire screen when they popped up, with their fucking obnoxious colors and animations.

Then, it got to the point where there would sometimes be a backdrop behind the entire screen of the website shilling for whatever piece of shit movie they’re advertising. You’d go onto the website and instead of the usual yellow and white interface, there would be a gigantic eye-assaulting background. Sometimes instead of going right to the website, there would even be a bullshit advertisement taking up the whole fucking screen and a little link on top saying “click here to be redirected to IMDb” or what the fuck ever. At this point, that old slimy yak cock, bristling with hairs and bulging with veins, was just about to erupt, so vigorously were the savages and goons at IMDb working their magic with tongue and lips.

And now…you have to join IMDb “Pro” to view information about a movie in development. Why can’t they just make the information available like they USED TO?

Uh oh…aaaaahhhhh…uuuuunngnghhhhhhh…SPPLLLLLLAAAAATTTTT! IMDb took a face full of thick, rich, yellowish, creamy yak come. Their valiant efforts have now succeeded.

Thanks a lot, savages.

2

This is some weird anti-Tibet metaphor, isn’t it? Why do you hate freedom?

(Seriously: in complete agreement. The LA Times website is worse, though.)

3

I’m disappointed and disgusted! And yet, somewhat turned on, too…

4

Here’s a simple solution; Don’t read their forums.

You know they’re idiots and worse. You know it’s going to suck donkey balls. You know people there are going to piss you off and waste your time. You know the ads are annoying.

So don’t even go there.

Now, was that so hard?

5

It’s not hard anymore, no.

I mean, sometimes i will want to look up a movie to see who’s in it. And it would be nice to participate in a discussion about a movie now and then (I mean, you can do it here too but it’s hard to keep a thread going after the peak of the movie’s popularity, if it’s a new release.) I wish there was a movie forum that was comprehensive like IMDb but had people with brains in their skulls on it.

6

Pfft. This is like Pitting the comments section on YouTube.

Actually, it’s more like grading a kindergarten painting assignment and complaining that none of the kids understood how chiaroscuro works.

7

I get all my movie info from Wikipedia now - generally, if it’s not on Wiki it’s nothing I need or want to know.

8

I wonder if IMDB got their yak cock from Guo-li-zhuang, the Chinese penis and testicle emporium. From here

And a lovely quote:

Lovely.

9

Penis - the breakfast of champions!

10

Um…money? I’m guessing that you don’t mail them a check every time you look something up on their database, non?

Their forums are certainly full of idiots…just like every other message board on the Internet. Present company excluded, of course…well, mostly. The trick there is to simply ignore them.

I am a little concerned about the o.p.'s state of mind, though. The excess and imagery of the “yak cock” metaphor is kind of disturbing. Just what kind of dreams do you have at night, anyway?

Stranger

11

Fuck it, I was trying to be creative. Write a non-creative rant around here and people start giving it “ratings” and saying it was boring. I didn’t want that to happen. My dreams at night are usually very pleasant, if surreal.

12

If it helps, I thought it was excellent. One of the best OPs I’ve read in a long time.

Of course, I am a yak cock enthusiast.

13

Their commenters really are a special breed, though no worse than YouTube. Really, 90 percent of the comment sections are taken up by ‘Gay?’ and ‘[this movie] Sucks!’ I do know a few honest to goodness actors who used to post there, but as far as I know they’ve stopped, in part because of the idiot takeover. I’ve also seen plenty of inaccurate information in the ‘In Production’ section (and even some past credits), so you’re not missing much.

14

Check out the forums for Grayson, I wrote some good stuff there.

15

Huh. I check it out all the time. It never occured to me there might be something there other that the most basic lists of shows, films and actors, so I never even looked and I’m happy with it.

I guess it’s a matter of low expectations and being able to fuzz out crap like advertizing.

16

Ah yes. According to the IMDb forums, every single actor since the dawn of time is a homosexual. Some obscure guy who’s sole role was “Man at Ice Cream Cart” will, inevitably, have a “Gay?” topic on his forum.

I can’t say I’ve ever seen any of these ads that are complained about, though. I assume Ad Blocker must catch them all. So long as I don’t subject myself to the brain-liquifying stupidity of the forums, I’m golden. It’s pretty easy to just ignore idiots, as I have no desire to engage in conversation with them anyway.

17

Hey Giraffe am I allowed to start pointing out forums that are so much worse than the OP is talking about?
I can name names if I’m allowed to.
Else I’ll just say that IMDB does not have the worst forums attached a worthwhile website.

18

I think it’s OK if you do what the OP did and just give the name of the website and don’t link to it directly. We do want to avoid lots of hits or posters originating from this site, to prevent their posters from visiting here and sharing their idiocy with us.

19

It’s true. I’ve had to stop going there myself. Those are the worst forums I’ve seen. I’m sure there are others, but honestly, the “Hombre” board is the only one I’ve been to that hadn’t been over-run. The worst being “Fight Club” (or it was a couple of years ago).

20

I never quite got why. It’s heaps of fun whenever the Stmfrot people stop by for a visit.

Are there “Straight?” topics on the fora of openly gay actors?