Improve on or add to these gems

It’s been years since I saw this list as one of those photocopied things that got passed around in the joke circuit at work. We’re pre-internet by a decade or better here.

Try not to duplicate items on the linked list, but add from your own observations and experience things we writers should attempt not to do.

  1. A double-negative is a no-no.
  2. I will never write in the first person
  3. Superlatives are the absolute worst thing you can use.
  1. Although English a Germanic language is, should you still the German word order not use.
  1. Do not simply drop a TLA into a sentence.
  1. Brevity is the soul of wit. For example, when I was in high school there was this kid, his name was Alfred but everyone called him Alfie. It was funny to see a high-school aged person called Alfie, but that’s what he liked. Except in senior year, he realized that his nickname was sort of infantile, and wanted everyone to call him Alfred instead. It was hard for people to call him Alfred, since we were all used to calling him Alfie for all those years. I had been going to school with him since junior high. Just down the street from school there was a Chinese restaurant called Hong’s. My sister worked there for a few months when she was in high school. She was working there one September, more specifically during the Jewish high holidays. As the town had a fairly large Jewish community, the owner wanted to tell “Happy Jewish New Year” to his patrons. Apparently Mr. Hong’s English wasn’t that good, because he’d yell at everyone who came in, “Happy New Yeark, Jew!” It was funny until my sister got a notice from the Social Security office saying that they hadn’t received any of her employment taxes although she had filled out a withholding form when she was hired. Apparently, Mr. Hong was withholding but not submitting. She got that straightened out, though.
  1. Use correct, punctuation
  2. Always spellhceck.
  3. Learn not to use acronyms ASAP.
  4. Never accept the first worms a spellchecker suggests.
  1. Its important to use apostrophe’s correctly.
  2. Pay attention when enumerating lists

I’ve seen # 14 stated as:
** Profanity is for assholes.**

  1. Using foreign words gratuitously is verboten.
  2. People ain’t gonna respeck youse if’n yer grammer ain’t no good.
  1. AVOID excessive “non-standard” means of EMPHASIZING.
  1. No witch way to spell and proof reed awl.

I’d suggest that #18 “One-word sentences? Eliminate.” could be improved, thusly; “One-word sentences? Never.”

37 Don’t let yourself be distracted while ed

  1. Avoid oxymorons like you avoid compassionate conservatives.
  1. Use of hyperbole will destroy the entire universe.
  2. Include[sup]1[/sup] a[sup]2[/sup] few[sup]3[/sup] footnotes[sup]4[/sup], but[sup]5[/sup] don’t[sup]6[/sup] go[sup]7[/sup] overboard[sup]8[/sup] with[sup]9[/sup] them[sup]10[/sup].