I’m just hoping they’ll all of them- his detractors, his supporter(s), whatever, shut the fuck up about it now. Jesus on a Treadmill on a Stick.
I hate the way that things like this flush out all the Usual Suspects from the legitimately offended (the team, the only real innocents in this) to the Usual Suspects of permanently pissed self appointed minority spokespeople (and I’m gay- we have our own permanently pissed spokespeople- I know whereof I speak) to the well spoken but-it’s-been-spoken-about-to-death-already to the utterly unsympathetic white politicians hoping to ingratiate themselves with black and or liberal constituents once the polls are in (“one always claims mistakes were planned/when risk is slight one takes a stand…”) to the geeks (Ann Coulter and her “oh yeah, well I said faggot and no one paid this much attention! Hey- how bout if I say ‘those nappy headed hos are probably dykes’ and I say it while wearing a sweatshirt made of seal fur and waving a ‘Mel Gibson’s RIGHT!’ banner, will that let me trump Imus?”) to Geraldo and the others “Everyone’s talking 'bout it… ME TOO! IMUS IS A RACIST! I THINK RACISM’S WRONG! THERE, I SAID IT, NOW WHO’S GONNA CHALLENGE ME ON IT!” I’m just damned glad the White House hasn’t weighed in.
Imus: take your millions and retire. You’re old, you have a young wife and a young kid, you stayed too long at the party already.
Team: I’m very sorry that you didn’t have to get called ‘nappy headed hos’ just once but 89 million times as the remark turned into the Zapruder film.
Sharpton: Oy. Add me to the list who think that he’s a hypocrite and a media whore and a self-promoting opportunist to whom news cameras are what heroin was to Jim Morrison, and yes I know he’s more often than not on the correct side, and while Tawana keeps getting brought up 1- it’s because she SHOULD be (he’s never paid that verdict against the man he libelled and slandered or even said I’m sorry) and 2- it’s far from his only transgression.
But in interest of full disclosure, you know what really burns my ass about Al Sharpton? It’s this:
Some years ago, Al Sharpton and his wife stayed at a hotel I worked at.
They were two of the nicest and most gracious people you’d ever want to meet (and, might I add, Sharpton is incomparably less grandstanding and his extreme intelligence is far more obvious in person). Irks me so much, because in addition to seeing the guy set critical thinking back with every other speech, I don’t like it when I like the guy I don’t like! (Compare this to Andrew Sullivan and Libby Dole who project more intelligent images and were both total assholes, and while I wouldn’t go that far about Jimmy Carter you definitely get the impression he’s not listening to a single thing being said to him.) I hate it when I end up having to like somebody I don’t like or dislike somebody I like.
So, “Mr. Sharpton, dear Mr. Sharpton/You’re a media whore and disliked that cannot be denied/But you’re so freaking nice in person as is your lovely bride… Oh Mr. Sharpton can’t you sometimes see a camera opportunity and just let it slide…” (will mean nothing to those who don’t like showtunes).
Anyway, pttt pttt pttt, back into the Earth Imus scandal. And as the Kerry campaign should be studied by poli-sci students for decades as one of the most botched campaigns in history, Imus should trump Tom Cruise in being studied by PR students for how to totally fuck up a personal scandal. (If I were his PR man I’d tell him to apologize once on air, once to the team, and then- most importantly- words are cheap, this offense requires blood atonement- endow a $1 million minority scholarship fund to Rutgers [absolutely not in your own name however] and give every one of those girls $10,000 as an apology- do not make them sign a waiver and do not tell the press- trust me, it will make it’s way to the press and you’ll look truly remorseful.)
AND OF ALL FUCKING PLACES NOT TO SAY YOU PEOPLE, appearing on Al Sharpton’s show while talking to a black Congresswoman while you’re accused of racism would seem the most important fucking place not to say it this side of the NEXT PERSON WHO SAYS ‘YOU PEOPLE’ GETS HIS THROAT CUT Bar in downtown Kabul. Damn, is this guy stupid, senile, clueless, or just ready to retire and this gets him out of his contract?