I left a message on my friend’s answering system. She’s black; I’m white. I’m a bit worried because in the message I used the phrase “In a dog’s age” and right in the middle of saying it, realized that there is a racist version of that same saying. The ironic thing is that we had just finished a heartfelt, honest conversation on the everyday experiences of racism she has gone through. I hope to God I didn’t make her go through another one, and I’m worried that my turn of phrase may have been the wrong one.
I may be a little bit on the sensitive side thanks to the prior conversation, but it’s also true that I may have blundered by association into very offensive speech.
So, opinions, anyone? I’d like to hear from black Dopers especially, but any input would be helpful. Should I apologize when I talk to my friend again or forget about it, or something else? Perhaps casually ask her about the phrase in the context of fighting my own ignorance? Help!
I ain’t sayin. Suffice it to say that another animal whose name has racist overtones is substituted for the dog. I’m thinking that perhaps my perception is skewed by the fact that my family (and the town I grew up in) background is the type of place where the racist version was heard far more often than the non-racist one. So I automatically think that everyone else associates one with the other. Perhaps it’s not so.
Sorry, slow fingers. That reply was to Magiver, of course. asterion, “In a dog’s age” is a rural colloquialism that means “in a long time” (as you probably figured out).
OK, heard of the expression, “in a coon’s age”. It’s an old expression (irony in this discussion). Didn’t know it was used as, or would be associated with anything racial.
I always, from childhood, assumed that “a coon’s age” was about raccoons. I never heard “coon” as a racial slur until I was fifteen years old. It’s not like I wasn’t aware of black people; I went to elementary school with black kids as my pals. I heard “nigger” sometimes, but I didn’t use it.
Hell, I was raised among, neighbors to and good friends with a lot of black folks. We played ball together, skipped school, partied and even fought with each other from time to time. I still have a lot of black friends and the phrase is still used. It never was meant or taken as a slur among any of us. It just means we haven’t seen each other in too long.
Kinda like a month of Sundays.
I wouldn’t worry about it if it was me. I can’t speak for your friend. If she is your friend and knows you well, then she’ll know it wasn’t meant to be offensive. Besides there’s nothing wrong with “dogs years”.
My problem is that I sometimes lapse back into the days when we were all really tight and it was no big deal hear the N word used constantly and it not be offensive. It’s still that way to some degree. I don’t use it but I don’t let it bother me. Most of the time it’s just folks looking for a reaction. I’m white but it’s never been a big thing to go party in an all black club or hang out with friends in their neighborhood, spend the night for that matter. I’ve had some girlfriends back in the day that I’d love to see again too.
When I taught alternative school…it was cool. Mostly highschool teens practically all of them black and we got along fine. Respect is a two way street.
I wish people could get over this racial bullshit. It’s been the biggest plague on man since the flood.
Sorry ggurl I didn’t mean to rant on your thread. It’ll be okay, don’t sweat it.
Hey yall. Thanks for your responses. I guess worrying is futile unless my friend lets me know there’s a problem… and the wonderful thing about her is that she will let me know.
My friend and I had just had a lively and basically heart wrenching discussion that I was glad I had the privilege of being part of…she was talking about a lady at work who had asked “Is that your real hair or extensions?” and we talked about the offensiveness of that… basically the underlying assumption being, “If you’re a black woman and your hair is pretty, it can’t possibly be yours, and I’m going to let everyone know by saying it out loud.” Then my friend let off some steam about the way she gets treated by some white people (we live in a medium sized, mostly white, town): People locking their car doors at the grocery when they see her, people who actually marveled out loud (“Look honey, a black woman driving a pickup” - she read their lips) when she drove past in a brand-new pickup truck, all the automatic assumptions that go on. Now this is not a thin-skinned lady - she rolls with the punches. It was just a rant about the effects of everyday racism. As she said, “When I wake up in the morning, I’m just me. Then all day every day, others remind me that I’m black.” I thought it was pretty cool of her to tell me all that. It was quite an education for this white chick, born and raised in an extremely rural, mostly white, area. It’s also why I’m probably now overthinking the racial overtones of things that I do and say.
“In a dog’s age” was used a lot where I grew up (In the North of England), and as far as i’m aware, has no racial overtones at all (at least here in England). it’s just a saying that’s synonymous with “once in a blue moon”
