I know that place. It’s otherwise known as “Every Cheap Mexican Joint on the Planet.”
“I’d like the Slowpoke Rodriguez, please…”
Exactly, and the Moons Over My Hammy.
I tried to give the correct name once, and got asked which number on the meal poster. Now I just say, #6, sandwich only, since I figure that’s how the register is set up.
I’ll have the #3.
Yeah, that’s pretty asstastic. Nothing like a penis joke out of left field to cheer up a waitron who just wants to make it to the end of the shift . . .
On the other hand, when my sister was a waitress, she worked at a place that had potato skin appetizers on the menu. But, she told us, they had to change the serving from four potato skins to six, because people would ask how many came with the order and it was too easy to reply, “You get four skins.” (Say it aloud.) So after that (when she was our server) we would loudly order “The Four Skins with Cheese and Bacon,” to her mortified shushing. Ditto after she told us the real provenance of the soup: "I’ll have a cup of the Campbell’s Clam Chowder from the Giant Foodservice Can."
Hey, she used to snack out of the bus tubs. She deserved it.
I do this, too. If there is no number, I just point at what I want on the menu while saying it.
My embarrassment at how dumb I sound ordering at Cold Stone keeps me from going there more often. This is a good thing- I do not need to be eating more ice cream.
Tell him to eat his blue cheese, onion, and avocado. There are starving people in Pittsburgh who’d love to have them (well, I’m getting hungry, anyway, does that count for something?).
They did a nice take on this in “The Emperor’s New Groove”:
Waitress: Ordering. Three pork combos, extra bacon on the side, two chili cheese samplers, a basket of liver and onion rings, a catch of the day, and a steak cut in the shape of a trout. You got all that, honey?
Kronk: Three oinkers wearing pants, plate of hot air, basket of Grandma’s breakfast and change the bull to a gill, got it.
I edit down the name but I leave some of the restaurant’s description just in case I missed the other chicken/bass/lobster dish on the menu. So Lamb with Raspberry Coulis instead of just the Lamb.
I always say “McChicken” at McDonald’s because I want the $1 sandwich not the $5 sandwich. I would rather not have that mixed up.
Oh Jeez, didn’t know I was opening a can of worms… I seldom go to Starbucks, my dad banned them when he was alive…“NOBODY in this family is gonna go to Starbucks and spend $4 for a goddamned cup of coffee!” LOL Had to love my dad!
I don’t care for Starbucks coffee… Too strong for me. I only go when I want something decadent and whipped creamy and I do use their terminology… I just don’t want to! I’m obstinate like that! I didn’t know about the 4th size either… Why would they keep it a secret and why do they use foreign words for large and huge but not for the middle medium or the secret small? They’re a strange bunch!
A “cup of coffee” is not $4 at Starbucks. The venti is $1.95 before tax here.
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Tell him to eat his blue cheese, onion, and avocado. There are starving people in Pittsburgh who’d love to have them (well, I’m getting hungry, anyway, does that count for something?).
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Starving people here too! But we eat out so seldom I’d rather enjoy the meal. 
Just because you think it’s idiotic doesn’t mean the employees don’t appreciate customers who order with specificity and without attitude. They didn’t choose the nomenclature and despite widespread derision, it seems to worked very effectively for the company.
They don’t keep it secret, it’s just that given Americans’ propensity to supersize, it’s not a very popular size. Thanks to soft drink companies (I guess), anything less than 12 oz. is just not enough for a single serving for most people.
Oh, and Larry Mudd, it’s ‘doppio’ and it means ‘double’ in Italian, but is also the actual name of the drink made up of two shots of espresso. I know it’s shocking, but Starbucks is not responsible for that name. They just adopted it (and the Italian language drink sizes) because it worked with the goal of marketing themselves in the style of the Italian coffeehouse.
ETA: I prefer Americanos myself, frankly. Espresso is much tastier than brewed coffee.
I agree that drink sizes are ridiculous in the States but, to be fair, I don’t think “short” is mentioned on any of the menus I’ve seen. I go to Starbucks at least 50 times a year and this is the first I’ve ever heard of “short.” It may not exactly be secret, but it’s not well advertised, either.
It is because people don’t want it. Really.
Well there are a few, but I guess that’s not really enough to justify advertising it. I can’t remember if it’s on the menus anymore, but it used to be.
Hey, what can I tell you. He was an old crotchety man and $1.95 for coffee to a man who paid 50 cents for a “damn good cup of coffee” is like $4! Don’t pick on dead guys!
Wow. Take shit personally much? Obviously you have the important and impressive job of serving overpriced coffee with obnoxious and ostentatious “nomenclature” to order said coffee.
I already acknowledged that I do acquiesce to the accepted means of ordering on the rare occasion I do go to Starbucks, where, incidently, the baristas I’ve encountered have been very pleasant and friendly, even demonstrating a sense of humor… Something you might want to try!
In honor of you BEG, next time I indulge in a visit to Starbucks for a coffee treat, I think I’ll just spread my hands apart to denote the size of my preference! 
I love pretending to be the stupidest man on the planet at Starbucks. I’ll walk in and order “A cup of coffee, please,” and make them jabber in pseudo-Italian at me, and I’ll repeat “I just want a cup of coffee. Can you do that?” Mocho-mikado-jallaba-vente-latte-grande-cappucino later, they’re explaining to me again their special language for ordering and (if I have the time) I smile sweetly and repeat my reasonable request.
I usually don’t have the time for all this drama, but when I’m early to meet someone (usually the reason I’m in Starbuck’s at all–I hate the burnt-taste of the coffee, and the prices make my head asplode–) it’s a very entertaining way to kill a few minutes, and practice my acting besides. Never the least bit angry, or reactive, I’m just a bit puzzled: “No, just a cup of regular coffee, thanks.”
I was watching 20/20 or Dateline or 60 minutes or something where they did Starbucks. They asked the founder about the sizes. His actual response, with a sigh and an eye roll, was “Because when you walk into a Starbucks, you don’t want a small. You want a tall!” and smiled like he was brilliant.
I’m a shorthander. I hate the menus that don’t at least give you a handle on the name, like Denny’s “Moon over my Hammie” (which I just now realized is a “Miami” pun). I feel stupid saying it. At least put some real food at the end of a string of adjectives or…something! Sheesh!
I fear you two are going to piss off a certain Starbucks defender… :eek:
Good luck with that. 
No, not really. But I do get tired of people getting all pissy over sizes. And, no, I don’t sell coffee anymore, but I have a lot more respect for those who do than for people who sarcastically refer to their jobs as “important and impressive.”
If you believe Starbucks coffee is overpriced, don’t buy it, but for many employees, it’s likely paying for benefits that most places don’t provide them. I am amused that you find foreign language obnoxious and ostentatious. You completely ignored the explanation behind it. Are you similarly offended by frittata, au jus, souffle, crepe, borscht, lasagna, pad thai, et cetera?
So, we’re not fighting ignorance here? Ok, then, you can read his book your damn self. It’s a pretty interesting read if you’re into business books.
As an alternative, go back to your RO. It’s much more amusing.
Do you mean this explanation… “They asked the founder about the sizes. His actual response, with a sigh and an eye roll, was “Because when you walk into a Starbucks, you don’t want a small. You want a tall!” and smiled like he was brilliant.”… I caught it! 
Lighten up, seriously! I don’t get offended by foreign languages or by Starbucks for that matter! I think they’re pretentious at worst. I also think it’s wonderful that they provide benefits for employees! That’s admirable, and you’re right, most like operations do not. They are not, however, consistent with the use of foreign words, unless “tall” is “small” in Italian, and that just confuses me… As in, why? What’s the point? Starbucks and it’s regular clientele just kind of amuse me… I’m in my 50’s so I just kind of smile, not in an obnoxious way, more in a “this would NOT have been me…” when I see the 20 somethings sitting around sipping overpriced coffee drinks, intent on their laptops or some pretentiously titled book, etc. etc. It’s the whole scene baby, the whole scene.
You’ve taken something, really, way to personally. It’s not personal, I swear!
I don’t know what my amusing RO is so I can’t go back to it.