In the Begining

You time machine is up and running and your ready to travel back in time. The way the machine works is it can only make two trips through time. Two scientist working on the project with you have some suggestions. The first scientist suggest you go back and document the Birth or Death of Christ. The other Scientist suggest you go back and document The Big Bang for this he estimates you will have to go back in time some 14 billion years.

What scientist do you listen to and why?

The first guy is suggesting we waste a two use time machine documenting something that is useless - even if you bring back incontrovertible proof that Jesus did not regenerate, the religious are just going to shrug it off. The second guy is suggesting I observe the most energetic event in the history of everything. The first guy’s an idiot, but at least he’s not actively trying to get me killed.

I go back to the big bang, because Christ will be there also.

I kill 2 birds with the same [big] bang.

I couldn’t document the Big Bang, since if there was a universe to document it from then the Big Bang would have already happened. Unless my machine somehow exists outside the universe. Or I arrive the instant after it happens and the machine has very good suspension. If it does, I pick that - infinitely (no pun intended) more interesting than the death of a Judean rabble-rouser.

Wouldn’t that depend on whether you’re a Christian fundie - in which case good luck with that, or among the overwhelming majority of the worlds population?

To document the Big Bang, you’d have to go back pre-Big Bang. Not sure that would be a survivable trip.

On the other hand, while the existence of Jesus is reasonably assumed to be true, whether he was or was not Christ is highly debatable. Screw that.

I’m going get all the cash I can from all sources…remortgage house, cash in IRA, etc, steal the time machine, and go bet it all on Douglas over Tyson back in 1990. Then I’ll take those winnings and bet them on the Red Sox over the Yankees after Game 3 of the 2004 ALCS. Then I’ll have enough money to buy myself a nice little country somewhere warm, and tell the world to kiss my ass.

Bonematter, I’ve Pitted you.

I think Stewie Griffin has done both.


I choose to film Jesus. Both because of the whole being-reduced-to-quarks problem with visiting the BB, and because even if the time machine lets me survive the trip to the Big Bang, there’s not going to be anything there that human senses can take in. It’s just superhot, superdense material at that stage; you can’t even look at it.

I’m not that interested in Jesus actually, but just seeing the people of 2000~ years ago would be interesting in its own right.

Yeah, the whole instant death element of the Big Bang kinda puts me off.

Presumably you mean just after the Big Bang; you wouldn’t be able to see the actual thing, because you’d have to travel to before it to watch it - and there isn’t a before it.

Document the Big Bang? That’s a death sentence.

Hello, Jesus!

The shitty part about going to Jesus is you’d never find him. The story about the manger is probably not true, since there never was a census like that. Which leaves the crucifixion, but when? You’d need to stay years, learn the local language and hang out until someone named Yeshua was executed and film each one.

Never mind that the crucifixion could be as much of a lie as the manger story. I guess you could insinuate yourself into the local apocalypse-cult scene a few years before the crucifixion window and try and follow along to make sure you get the right one. But best case is you’d get video of a filthy man getting tortured to death. Then I suppose you follow the body and set up a camera to watch the tomb? When nothing happens, Christians will assume you filmed the wrong guy.

Now if the time machine has a magic force field that allows me to survive the big bang, I’d go there with some instruments that physicists think could shed light on some physics questions.

These “scientists” don’t seem very bright. Are we sure this is a time machine, and not some drug-induced hallucination? Are they really scientists? They could be hobos…

I knew better than to take these tabs in the alley.

Man, if a guy offered me a trip to witness the Big Bang and be caught in the blast, I’d jump on it. Talk of going with a Bang. It must be the most beautiful thing ever to die with the coming of the Universe.

And you could grab a burger while you’re there.

Yeah, but it’ll be composed of pre-baryonic matter, is that okay?

I agree. Not only this, but the Big Bang, the interesting part, happened very quickly. And you are not going to have any space to film it from, since all the space is in the event horizon of the Big Bang, and is pretty small. The very question shows an ignorance of physics.

As for the second I contend someone already did this, took the body back to the future as a souvenir, and caused no end of trouble.

Is there a restaurant at the beginning of the universe? We all know there’s one at the end, but I was wondering if it had franchised out or something.

Can’t I just go whack Augustine of Hippo? It’s my lifelong dream.