In which freekalette Pits over a movie

The BBQ Pit
1

I wasn’t originally going to write this, but after the last e-mail I got, I really need to vent.

Backstory: I have (well, had, after this) a friend who is known as the Comic Guru. This guy eats sleeps lives and dreams comic books. He’s mostly brilliant when it comes to anything from Marvel to DC to everything in between, and he’s also somewhat of a connosiuer (sp) of all things artsy. He posted a link on his blog to an article about the upcoming sequel to Donnie Darko, and said that it made him all stabby. I replied, saying that I felt it at least deserved a chance, and that I’d judge it for myself, rather than automatically hating it without even seeing it.

This fucking twit had the nerve to call me “an anti-intellectual lowest common denominator,” apparently not realizing that I was smart enough to figure out what that meant, then he went on to blather about how movies like this should not be made ever ever ever, because they - along with Top 40 radio - are the reason that people are so dumb. Excuse me, but what the fuck?! At this point, my feelings were hurt, because I used to look up to the Comic Guru a great deal. But I understand that opinions are like assholes, and everybody’s needs to be fucked sometimes, so I told him that I felt it was pretty pretentious to think something should be banned from existence just because he “knew” it would suck.

This is where my Dope addiction comes to the fore; I treated him like we were in Great Debates and stated my counter-argument without being judgemental. I told him that even though I may not like a Top 40 artist for aesthetic reasons, it didn’t automatically make the artist any less talented. I mean, hell, I dislike Feist’s music (she did the 1,2,3,4 song on the iPod commercial) but she is a very talented singer. In true blue Doper fashion, I informed his ignorant ass that sometimes it’s gasp! perfectly okay to turn off your brain and watch a movie just for fun.

At this point, the Comic Guru could have said “Oh, okay, so you’re not looking for any kind of deep mental voyage? Cool, carry on.” But does he do that? Hell no! Instead, he calls ME pretentious. Oh, no he did not just say that shit! Yep, he did. What…How…Huh?? Do you even know what the fuck you said, you snobby fucking prick? That just proved you pretentiousness, and you have to take it a step farther and educate me that Donnie Darko is all about the mindfuck, and it’s not supposed to be some cheap-ass popcorn flick like Transformers or Speed Racer. :smack: How could I have not realized that before? Gee, I’m soooo glad I’ve got you to teach me how to think and react and watch movies.

Then he tells me that if I respond, he won’t answer. Said he “didn’t want to argue around in circles.” So of course, being the hothead that I am, I called him on it. Told him to his (internet) face that he was a pussy and a douche for failing to respond to what I had said previously. I pointed out that his calling me pretentious was ironic in the highest degree. He backpedaled. Like the bitch that he is. “Oooh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just think it’s a bad idea to make a sequel, that’s all.” Bullshit! You think everybody should be a mindless movie snob just like you. It’s not my fault you don’t know how to have fun! It’s not my fault that you use words without knowing what the hell they mean! But it IS my fault that you got your whiny-bitch little feelings hurt, and I’m fucking glad! For someone who got a Masters in Literature, you sure are a dumb fuck. So don’t dangle your fucking degree over my head and try to make me feel like shit because all I’ve got is high school. If college turns folks into YOU, I’m damn glad I didn’t go.

I’m done. This drama shit was old when I was 15, and it’s way too fucking old now. If you want to be a douche for a valid reason, then fine, but don’t act like a dick just because somebody’s making a movie that you don’t want to see. Hell, even my three year old is smart enough to figure out that if you don’t like it, you just don’t watch it! But other people may be interested in watching it. Fuck.

2

I recall reading once that one of the strongest human traits is the desire to seek out a perch from which to look down upon everyone else.

It looks like the Comic Guru has found his.

3

The original Donnie Darko wasn’t all that great anyway.

[sub]runs away…[/sub]

4

It’s hard to re-evaluate your friends sometimes. Your anger is a sign of growth. Read some Mary Oliver, you’ll feel better.

The term you’re looking for is Dude… Wait… What?

5

When your hobby is more important than your friends, you’re overdue for a major re-evaluation. Just sad. Dude needs to get some perspective.

6

Starving Artist that quote is awesome. Any clue where/what it’s from?

Wait, Larry, come back! I can’t be mad at you for not liking it. That would make me…something. Damn, there’s a word for it, but I can’t remember what it is. I think it started with a P. Pussy? Platypus? Purple? Shit, it’ll come to me.

Dfth, fuck you and your growth. I’m far above the level of those who try to tempt me with LOLcats!
Rage makes me tired. Will post more in the morning. Consider yourselves warned. Bwahahahaha!!

I can’t think of a snappy comeback for you, Bosstone. Sorry. :slight_smile:

7

Someone just tell me if Drew Barrymore’s gonna be in the sequel, and I’ll make my decision from there.

8

What a prick. I was waiting for you to say he was a teenager because I can kind of see myself having acted in a similar way at one point, but this guy is old enough to have a masters degree? Uh-uh. Unacceptable.

I’m a Comic Book Guru™ myself, and I found out when I briefly tried working in a comic book shop in college that Comic Book Gurus™ can be some of the most arrogant, exclusionary pricks on the face of the planet. It almost soured me on my only lifelong hobby.

9

I’ll live. :slight_smile:

You’d think folks would have gotten a clue by now: no literary work, from graphic novel to epic to epic graphic novel, survives the transition into moviedom. The only exceptions are short stories, and even then they get tweaked to be more photogenic. It’s a given that shortcuts will be taken and the work will be changed if not dumbed down to make it accessible to the lowest common denominator, as anything played in major national theaters must be to succeed.

Some do very well within the necessary restrictions, like Lord of the Rings and Iron Man, but I guarantee you that despite the overall approval from mainstream, there’s a Marvel messageboard somewhere with geeks screaming over the changes and shortcuts made.

I’ve found it’s so much easier to be an elitist snob to just let the movie version of something go and be satisfied that I know the story as it was originally written. :smiley:

10

No, sorry, I can’t recall and Google is no help. It’s been many years and I’m thinking that perhaps it was an article in a magazine.

11

Dude, if you keep watching bad movies, they’re gonna keep making them.

I’m on comic-book asshole’s side. Get some taste, and go fuck yourself!

12

I’ll never understand why people send others to masturbate… are you looking to give freakalette zits or something, Mosier?

I’m a Comic Book Freak and liked Iron Man except for the last five minutes, where do I buy my ticket to Hell, please? It’s not like those comics have ever required a brain, they include mature themes like alcoholism but treat them at the pre-kindergarten level

13

Hmmm, get some taste and go fuck myself? Nah, the Pit is so much more entertaining than that!

14

Agreed. I mean, it’s kind of funny that anyone whose claim to fame is knowing more than most people about guys who dress up in tights and hit each other is claiming any kind of superiority in regard to other forms of entertainment, but it’s also really obnoxious.

15

Yeah, fuck me for trying to lighten your mood. Let me provide a link to the important part you were too lazy to look up:

The Journey

Wild Geese

I’m sorry you are upset but it’s not like he ran over your cat. It was you who put your faith in someone who calls themselves a “Comic Guru” and now he’s disappointed you? There’s a surprise. Sorry my LOLcat was too lowbrow for this “mostly brilliant when it comes to anything from Marvel to DC” thread.

16

Don’t fight the hypothetical, I suspect you may have been wooshed.

17

It reminded me of the comic book guy from the Simpsons. As I was reading I could hear his voice. :smiley: What an ass.

18

Yes, I was wooshing. Hell, I like LOLcats! I figured I was being wooshed, and responded in kind. In all seriousness, those poems were very nice. I especially like the first one, as it has a bit that reminds me vaguely of one of my favorite songs. As for the nickname, I’m the one that calls him that. He calls himself by his first name. And I didn’t feel it was wise to give his real name, just because…well, just because!

I am truly sorry if I offended you. Truce?

19

While I agree in concept, I object to the changes being called shortcuts. Every medium has requirements, and any change of medium is going to necessitate changes to the work. Calling those changes shortcuts suggests that the artists are simply not working hard enough to maintain the original.

Some changes are shortcuts, or an appeal to the LCD, others are just a function of the new medium. For example, from LOTR, cutting out Tom Bombadil is a necessity for the movie, if you want to keep the overall length remotely manageable. He’s not important to the narrative, doesn’t advance the plot, he’s just a pleasant diversion and would take up a great deal of screen time if you want to do more than give him a cameo. OTOH, making Gimli comic relief was not at all necessary, and I’d consider that an appeal to the LCD.

20

Man, Donnie Darko megafans are like the worst kind of nerds (yes, even lower than furries on the heirarchy). They are completely oblivious to the fact that none of the supposed “correct” answers to the plot are even in the movie. And when called on that, they talk about the director went beyond traditional moviemaking and produce all these websites and DVD special features where it gets explained.

It was at this point that I realized maybe Donnie Darko wasn’t as good as I thought it was when I watched it (and thought Donnie was just crazy).

Fuck this comic book guru.