You need to get over this, it looks to me like it was the biggest mistake you made. Don’t give false compliments, but if you think she is beautiful, why not tell her so? You say that other people probably tell her that she is beautiful, but if she is into you, then she doesn’t give a damn what those other people think, she wants to hear it from you. Beauty isn’t something everyone agrees on. Some men think I’m a 10 and others think I’m a 1. When I meet a new guy I like, I want to know where I stand on his scale. Is he chatting me to be friends or lovers? I have a lot of guy friends and the beginnings of our conversations are often identical to those I have had with guys who were interested. The only difference is that guys who are interested in more will give compliments to show that they are physically attracted to me.
This post should be in boldface, underlined, in the biggest font size you can find, and you should print it and stick it on your wall.
Joe, if you’re really under the impression that she’s lost interest, then everything is set up perfectly.
It may take a little work, and you may have to risk a little of your dignity (as if that’s important, when you really think about it) but now you officially have nothing to lose.
I suggest the following actions be taken:
-Apologise for being flaky.
-Tell her she’s beautiful.
-Ask her out. Scratch that. Ask her what day she’s off this week, and then TELL her (politely, but firmly) that you’ll pick her up at X:XX pm.
As the saying goes, “Sincerity is what’s most important. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made!”
Hey JoeSki,
I emailed you about this thread – in case I ended up in your bulk folder or something. Also, I don’t think you have anything to apologize for and I don’t think you should.
Well I wrote about the second time I asked her out, but apparently that was devoured by the hamsters. I wrote it up, spell checked it roughly five times, and then saw it in previews, and yet somehow it just didn’t make it inside the final cut. Whatever.
Short story made long and then crammed into a nutshell: I asked her to go play minterature golf with me, she told me she had made plans with a friend but would break away if she could, and hey, is anyone else coming? I, still thinking that maybe we didn’t make up the boyfriend, hee hawed and then said I was thinking about inviting my roomates because I really wasn’t sure what kind if invite I was supposed to be making. She said “oh…well maybe I’ll call back”, and then she didn’t.
So this, on top of those other few items I mentioned, got me thinking about how much trouble I was making for myself. One coworker told me that I pretty much ruined any chance I’d have of getting her to come out with me with the mini. golf invite, and some online friends said that if she was really interested she would have made time and that was that.
So those are the reasons for my freakout.
Because I can never tell when a woman is jokingly flirting as opposed to being seriously into me, this scenario included.
I realize I need to get over this, which is why I spent hours online reading about how to flirt with women shortly after the first invite out. But I think you’re misunderstanding part of why I have a hard time doing it. It’s not that I can’t distinguish between which women to say it too, just that I keep most of my "Ooooh"s and "Awwww"s internal. Once it comes time to vocalize them, they’ve been rolled over in my mind for so long I worry that it would sound stale.
Now the advice about how valuable a compliment from me is to someone who likes me as opposed to the average schmoe is something I need to absorb. I never thought about it that way. Thanks for the tips.
I have nothing against abondoning my sense of dignity to the curb where it will spend the rest of its days dancing for nickels and drinking it’s own urine, but in my experience apologising for your own akwardness just lessens people’s opinion of you and makes you look like you have no real self respect or esteem. It cements what they’ve already suspected. I won’t apologize, I’ll just try to do better.
And plus, the only real regret that I’ll have should I totally screw up is not that I upset her, just that I’ve sent the wrong message.
E-mail has been check and message recieved.
With having said all that, I called her up again and I’m going to be hanging out with her and her friends at a comedy club tommorrow
Dude…anytime a gal says somethng like she wants you to ask her out, if you’re into girls and not attached, you should do so immediately.
If she indicates, in casual conversation, a desire to blow you…you pretty much have to ask her out or surrender your testicles.
JoeSki, if I could slap you and hand you $100 in the same motion, I would. She’s telling you to ask her out. So here’d be my Benjamin. Take her to somewhere you feel comfortable, but you’d think she would be too, and have a good night–whether it be Applebees and the movie theater, or a local minor league hockey game and a tailgater.
Suck it up, Princess, and take 'er out for a date.
Tripler
E-mail me. I’m serious about the Benny, if you need it.
Oh, and again after reading the thread, I would like to add this:
it’s a date. It’s not like you’re committing this woman to marriage and children on the initial date. You work with the girl. If it works out, it’ll be great! If not, you move on because you’ll have other jobs in life. Trust us, and just go out for a few times. If for nothing else, you’ll find someone to hang out with and relax with–which is exactly what happened to me. I met this chick back in high school who I thought was interested, and we started hanging out. While the ‘chemistry’ didn’t work out, I did find one of the best friends of my life who kept in touch with me during my worst times.
Tripler
Trust me man, there’s no reason to say “no”.
Just because someone makes a dirty pun in your direction doesn’t neccesarily mean they want to have sexual relations with you. I might not have a lot of experience here, but I’ve seen my brother flirt using a lot of dirty lines with his friends without really meaning anything. They’re friends, but they talk about screwing each other’s brains out for shits and giggles. I really don’t want to come across as being so socially inept that I’ll hump the legs of anyone who makes a dirty joke in my direction.
Or maybe she did mean it. How the hell am I supposed to tell the difference?
Thanks! That’s an awfully generous offer, but I’m good with money now. It’s just that in the month of june, I had purchased a new computer, gone on a weeklong vacation, dropped a job and picked up another one with biweekly paychecks, and got two new tires and an alignment for my car. Oh, and I didn’t get a paycheck I was expecting from my old job. I’m back on my feet now and have enough to repay my debts as well as have some fun.
I realize this. It’s not the prospect of not getting off with this girl that aggravates me, it’s the possibility that I would fail to even get her out on a date and then be robbed of the experience of going out on a date even though there’s some mutual attraction going on.
I mean, if a girl giving me her number doesn’t amount to anything then I probably need some serious help
Give her the opportunity to make good on her offer. Just ask her out and be yourself. Carpe diem, dude. 
This is like reading the diary of a serial killer.
Ahahahahaha. How so?
See post #10.
Quit freakin’ out. Take your hundred clams. Call her and invite her to something, and do not, do not, do not, do not, do not invite anybody else under any circumstances. I don’t care if she hems and haws, I don’t care if Goldfinger appears in your living room and tells you he’ll destroy the world unless you invite your friends, don’t freakin tell her anyone else is coming and don’t invite anyone. Then, stop reading stuff and asking advice on the Internet, and go do it. Take her out, have some fun and see what happens. And chill out. You’re seriously freakin’ out here, man.
Oh yeah, and update us afterwards.
(bolding mine)
Why did you do this??? NO, NO, NO!!! Of course she didn’t call back: She didn’t particularly care about mini-golf; she wanted to be with you. NOT with you and your roomies.
To continue with what Fetus posted above: You have got to ask her out in a manner so that she understands that you want The TWO of You to be together. No roomates, friends, relatives, or other hangers-on.
Ten days have now passed by. Maybe you can salvage this opportunity, maybe not. All you can do is try, and remember, for the next time if nothing else: “Faint heart never won fair lady”.
Good luck, but I’m afraid that this wish is going to turn into “better luck next time”.
P.S.
Forget abut the maybe boyfriend. If he was important to her, we wouldn’t be reading this thread on the SDMB.
Smack Shame on you.
JoeSkiWhat is with this hang out with friends thing you keep saying? One does not make it a point to give their phone number to someone they want to “hang out with as a friend” I am just so confused by your posts.
So, tonight you are going to go “hang out” with her and her friends. Get away from the friends. Friends are not your friends right now. Stop it with the friend stuff. And the hang out stuff too.
Hugh Grant can make wishy-washiness appealing. He’s about the only one. If you can’t take the initiative to pick up the phone and call the number that she gave you, then she will lose interest. Open up your calendar, find a few open dates, then call her. After a brief “how are you doing?” conversation, ask her to dinner. If she says yes, then offer the first night you are free. If that doesn’t work, move on to the second night.
Have the name of a mid-tier restaurant in mind. Show her that you can take the lead.
Good luck and quit agonizing over it. It’s just dating.
Not to nitpick or anything, but his line was, "blow anything special AWAY"so when she said YOU she might have meant “blow him AWAY” as in impress him – not actually BLOW him.
Anyway. I don’t think it’s bad that the “wrong message” got sent — the fact that she is not sure how interested you are in her is good, not bad. That keeps her on her toes. You don’t need to fall all over her to show her now that you like her. That could annoy her. The fact that you are going out with her to the comedy club shows her that you are somewhat interested. Try to think of it like she is auditioning for you, not the other way around. Do you like the way she acts? Is she an interesting conversationalist? Is she a nice person? Good luck!
-
Relationships consist of about 60% compatibility and 40% chemistry. If you’ve got it with her, you’ve got it; if you don’t, you never will, so nothing to worry about, eh?
-
When you compliment women, make the compliments specific. Just saying, “You’re beautiful.” is nice, but saying, “Those earrings make your eyes sparkle.” or something equally appropriate and thoughtful will make her heart go pitty-pat.
-
Ignore any double entendres she might make until you’re more comfortable with her. It can make women uncomfortable when guys flirt dirtily with them, even if they start it. Get a better feeling of where she is with this first.
-
If you don’t flirt naturally, forget about it. It’s not nearly as important as being able to have a fun, good conversation with either sex.
-
She wants to go on a date with you. Seriously. Make it happen.
Nothing happened.
She didn’t call me up today before the show like she said she would, wasn’t at the comedy club, and didn’t pick her phone when I gave her a ring during the intermission