Lord Ashtar: I feel for you, man. Good luck with next time, and don’t mind your detractors.
Lord Ashtar, your OP made me laugh out loud. I love this line:
I’m trying not to laugh at you since you were obviously bummed about it but I can’t help myself. I’m sorry. I really am. 
“I’m of the opinion that people should spend their first time with someone that they don’t really care about. Because their first time is going to SUCK”.
Actually, Weirdave, someone - Even Sven - did suggest that you spend your first time with someone you don’t care about (see above) and it was that I was responding to. As for how broad-minded I am, well, I realise not everyone shares my values and I accept that - as far as I’m concerned as long as you’re both consenting adults and you’re not hurting anyone, it’s no-ones business what you do. But in this case someone DID get hurt - Ash himself, doesn’t sound exactly happy does he? - and I’d surprized if the girl’s come through this with her self-esteem intact. And by posting the story in the first place Ash has made it other people’s business. Obviously, I agree with what’s been said about the need for condoms, but that point’s already been hammered home. And I do sincerley hope Ash’s next time is better - sex really can be amazing, you know.
And I don’t understand why everyone thinks I have issues with men because I think sex is better in a loving, committed realtionship. I mean, it just is, isn’t it? You know each other inside out (literally!); you trust each other enough to experiment with all sorts of different stuff; it’s funny rather than toe-curlingly embarrassing when your body does strange stuff and makes weird noises; and afterwards you can fall asleep in each others arms rather than lying there feeling awkward and wondering how soon you can decently escape. How does that translate to me having issues with men? I mean, some of my best friends are guys… 
Ah, I see where we’re getting confused. You think you’re being accused of having an attitude problem because you think sex is better in a loving and committed relationship (which is an admirable ideal to aim for), whereas I, for a start, think you have an attitude problem because:
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you think LordAshtar “deserved” not to come for having the temerity to engage in a sexual encounter that didn’t come up to your ideals of commitment, and
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you think he deserves never to get laid again, either, and
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you trot out the tired old line about the “fragile male ego” (yup. Only women have “feelings” that can be “hurt”; men only have “fragile egos”) and baldly assume without evidence that LA’s co-respondent faked her orgasm to make him feel better, and
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you eagerly condemn LA as immature and order him to remain celibate until he grows up, and
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you talk about “us(ing) another human being as a trial run”, when in the liberated 21st century it should be patently clear that there was no question of “using” her.
Hope this helps.
-Mal
Maybe I was rather harsh in the way I phrased my opinions, but surely I’m not alone in thinking Lord Ash has treated the girl in question in a pretty disgraceful way? My comment about using another human being as a trial run was not aimed at Ash, but in response to a post by Even Sven in which he stated that everyone’s first time should be with someone they don’t care about as it’s going to suck anyway, which I think does class as using people. I didn’t “assume” that Ash’s girl faked it, I suggested that she may have - and I’m sorry, but I do find it hard to believe that an inexperienced virgin could make a woman come on his first attempt, but hey, if he did, well done. And as for the fragile male ego thing, well, most blokes do want to think they’re good lovers, and sometimes, yeah, women fake orgasms rather than admit that it’s not working for her. But I appreciate that maybe some of my comments were uncalled for, so I apologise. Still think Ash should make amends with that girl though…
I don’t see how he treated her disgracefully. He was there, she was very willing. she got off. He’s the one who’s upset.
I think it’s funny that Ashtar is so worried because he didn’t get off. Heh, how many women got off the first time? Or the tenth time for that matter? It takes some practice to get it right, but once you do it’s great.
Hell I’ve been having sex for 20 years and don’t “get off” every time. AAMOF since the baby got here in February, my hubby has only gotten me off three times!
Maybe I should have phrased that better.
I believe that your first time is pretty likely to be filled with emotional wierdness, physical disappointment and general ackwardness. It’s unlikely to be all that romantic or fulfilling (although it does happen). One’s first sexual experience has a lot of baggage, and stirs up some odd emotions, which do not have anything to do with the partner involved, but can do strange things to that relationship.
I think it’s better to approuch this milestone knowing this, and sharing it with a partner that knows you well, but who is not a romantic interest. It should be set upon with a sense of mutual adventure and playfulness. It’d be great if this was your romantic partner, but as a teenager you are unlikely to have a relationship that mature. This is one of the few times when it’s a good idea to go at it with one of your best friends.
Short of that, bonk some stranger in the night and chalk it up as a learning experience.
Because if this were Lord Ashtar One and Only True Love, their relationship might not have been able to get past all this guilt, insecurity and general wierdness that stems only from the fact that this was a first time and he still hasn’t got the hang of things yet. And I’d hate to see that happen. And it’d be sad to see a relationship hurt just because they havn’t figured out sex yet.
I garuntee that Lord Ashtar’s next girlfriend will appriciate a man that can stand strong in the face of adversity, last long into the night and be confident and comfortable with sex. Hopefully they can enjoy each other with joy instead of with nervous confusion that can cloud your first time.
And for the record, I am a girl, and I did come my first time even with an inexperienced clumsy virgin as a partner. And for the love of all that is holy and good, Lord Ashtar didn’t use anyone. Believe it or ot there are plenty of women out there that enjoy sex for it’s own sake, and won’t be broken up or feel used if it doesn’t lead to some spectcular lifelong commitment. She initiated it, she got off, I think she won all around.
I used to do this all the time (almost never now with my wife). It’s not that hard, especially if you are having sex all the time. The more often you have sex, generally, the less you come, so they don’t think about it much. And I mean really, if you make noise what female is going to believe the guy is faking it.
Objection!
Assumption based on facts not found in evidence.
I personally know several women, including my first, that get off on ‘taking’ a males virginity. My first time involved multiples on the part of my partner. And yes, I know that they were real, as they were not the first time I had seen one from her. I doubt all of that was me, as she had this thing about it, but I also believe that any man who is willing to take the time to learn what pushes his partners buttons BEFORE he does the down and nasty should have no problem fullfilling them, virgin or no. (provided of course, she is in the ‘right mood’ which seems to be necessary for them to even be possible with most women)
It is for me. But it took longer. With most less serious sexual relationships, I found it easy to get into the act and just enjoy it, because I wasn’t hung up or worried about what she was thinking about me. (that isn’t to say I wasn’t trying to help her enjoy it, more that I wasn’t thinking about consequences if tommorrow she said she never wanted to see me again) When I first started having sex with my wife I had a VERY difficult time enjoying it, because I was very concerned that if I made one mistake she would leave me and hurt me, or worse that I would hurt her. As trust and strength of the relationship built that went away and sex with her now is much more enjoyable than any other I have had.
On the other hand though, not everyone is the same. I know several people, both male and female and single and couples, who find one-night stands, or other stuff I would find less enjoyable, much more enjoyable. They find sex in a commited relationship scary and unenjoyable. The feelings are too overwhelming or underwhelming for them to get past, and it affects the enjoyment of the act for them.
To each his own.
That’s pretty sad.
I think that it’s pretty sad that you’d make a negative comment about someone’s sex life. I read pencilpusher’s comments as being something supportive that the OP might consider.
After all, she did mention the new changes in her life and wasn’t looking for sympathy.
After all of your posts, we all know how vastly superior your looks, desirability and sex life are. Please, since we are all convinced…no, no really, we are…try working a little bit harder on convincing yourself. It really does seem important to you.
I also thought that comment was a bit out of line, Indygrrl. She said her husband only got her off three times, she didn’t say she hadn’t gotten off more than three times, period, IYKWIM.
And even if she did mean the latter, she didn’t seem to be too broken up about it, so why the need to comment in such a negative way? The comment was meant to be helpful, not to be self pitying.
Get over yourself.
Next time, rent a Debbie Does… instead.
That’s so weird, this thread seemed to have dropped off the page. Or maybe I’m going crazy. Anyways, I’m curious as to Indygrrl’s explanation for her comment, if she has one.
I just felt badly for her. Sorry if you thought it was meant to be an insult, I assure you, it wasn’t.
Huh, I just searched my own posts to see what the fuck you’re talking about and everything I’ve posted about has been relevant to the individual thread topics. Plenty of posters go on about sex, it’s not that big of a deal, especially in a sex related thread.
Interesting that you would take the time to research it.
Indy, anyone who hangs out in the Pit on a regular basis is pretty familiar with your general opinions. That’s not an insult, it’s a fact. It’s the case for any regular Pitzian that’s been here for awhile.
Don’t forget there was that little catfight you had with someone (Diane or Zette, I don’t remember which) about “who was the prettiest”, essentially.
I’ve never had issues with you, and I don’t plan to start, I just thought your post to pencilpusher was a bit random and yanked her post right out of context. I think that’s why Zhen’ka and I thought it was out of line.
I think Indygrrl’s comment wasn’t intended to mean, “That’s pretty pathetic”, but “That’s too bad.” or “Sorry, that sucks.” Empathizing, y’know?