Oh Coldie :: pinching your cheek ::
Obviously you’ve never seen Rammstein live…wherein dildos are the main attraction! 
I’m going to Vegas on the second and leaving on the afternoon of the fourth of July.
And I am perfectly insulted that anyone would insinuate that I am trouble. PLEASE!
I’m sure I’ll be appalled at all the sin and crime.
jarbaby
If you have access to a car while there I would highly recommend Red Rock Canyon or Valley of Fire. Both are beautiful state parks that have some excellent picture taking opportunities. Both are within an hours drive (do some searches for specifics); Valley of Fire takes a little longer to get to and it’s a little bigger, but I personally thought it was the better of the two (though Red Rock is a very nice trip as well).
If you’re going in the summer, I would recommend early in the morning to avoid the heat. Take lots of water.
Now if you’re like me (a nutcase) you might venture out to the borders of Area 51/Groom Lake to see if you can catch site of some top secret military aircraft (or UFO’s if you’re inclined to believe in those). I took that road trip last time I was out there.
Ok, I can’t believe we got this far without someone mentioning this:
What cracks me up here is that Fiver would have HAD to shave to be a Blue Man but NOT to be Dorothy. Hee hee!
Um, okay, so anyway…on to Vegas. Go down to the Plaza Hotel, downtown. Used to be the big fancy hotel back in the day but is now a pathetic run-down heap. They have PENNY slots! Whee! What fun! (Well, okay, it was fun for about a half hour to drop pennies in the slots and look at the gambling addicts. Then we had to get out…you know, there but for the grace of God…)
Here’s my best tip, learned from experience:
When Mr. Jarbaby wins many hundreds of dollars and gives them to you for safekeeping, with the promise that he will take you to see Starlight Express “after this hand”…do NOT give back the many hundreds of dollars when Mr. Jarbaby suddenly loses all his money and wants more. If you do this, you won’t get to see Starlight Express until 5 years later when you go to London.
Just keep that in mind and you’ll have a great time!
If you have access to a car while there I would highly recommend Red Rock Canyon or Valley of Fire. Both are beautiful state parks that have some excellent picture taking opportunities. Both are within an hours drive (do some searches for specifics); Valley of Fire takes a little longer to get to and it’s a little bigger, but I personally thought it was the better of the two (though Red Rock is a very nice trip as well).
If you’re going in the summer, I would recommend early in the morning to avoid the heat. Take lots of water.
Now if you’re like me (a nutcase) you might venture out to the borders of Area 51/Groom Lake to see if you can catch site of some top secret military aircraft (or UFO’s if you’re inclined to believe in those). I took that road trip last time I was out there.
Oh baby.
Mr. Jarbaby ain’t going. It’s girl’s vacation only. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
Aha! Even better…leave the husband at home!
Now, where’s my travel agent’s phone #…
As a card counter of absolutely no repute, but one who does take his blackjack very seriously, don’t even joke about this. If the dealer is showing a 7 through ace, hit the damn card.
This is important, jarbabyj, and to prove how serious I am, I must issue a threat: if I ever here that you stayed on 15 when you should have hit, I will never allow you to go down on me.
Yes, yes, I know I’m being cruel, but it’s for your own good.
Sua
er, “hear”
Holy Crapstick. that is a threat. Someone refresh me on the blackjack rules pronto. I used to be ok at it, but I haven’t played in two years.
jarbaby
I’m by no means an expert, but I did go home with about $300 more than I went with on my only trip to Vegas. I only played Craps and Blackjack (best odds for the player on these games).
Always split Aces and Eights. Double down on 10 and 11. 9 also if the dealer is showing a 6 (I think, I’m not sure I remember that last one correctly).
Never increase your betting when you are losing, only after a win. And don’t forget to tip your dealer.
Oh, and if you have time go to M&M world 
[sub]still can’t believe you’re going to Vegas and not seeing Tom Jones[/sub]
I have almost nothing to add since all the good answers have been taken.
I will second (third? fifth?) recommendations for:
Cirque du Soleil. I saw Mystere, which was fabulous. Worth every penny of $90 or whatever exorbitant sum I paid. I also agree that Sigfried and Roy, Messrs. Codpieces Extraordinaire, are overrated. See Lance Burton instead.
The Hoover Dam and Red Rock Canyon. Excellent getaways.
The Star Trek Experience. Much better than I thought it would be. (See artifacts from the shows! Get your picture taken with a Klingon! Drink Romulan Ale!)
Nickle or penny slots. Spend a ton of time. Lose a tiny bit of money.
And I do actually have an original thought… As cheesy as it sounds, the fountain show at Bellagio is pretty cool. And hey, it’s Vegas. It’s all about cheese.
Have a great time and say Hi to my kid sister who lives in Vegas… you’ll be there on her birthday. 
My youngest sis went to Vegas last November - she grabbed Wayne Newton’s ass… Apparently she had a good time.
Yes, but did Wayne have a good time?
[sub]BTW, congrats on post #1400, FCM![/sub]
If I’m going to be playing any grab ass in Vegas, it’s going to be with a big, sweaty, muscular German man, not an old bat like Wayne Newton…
Although, man oh man…he sings a mean dankeschon
jarbaby