<telephone rings>
<Mangetout picks up, but detects characteristic pause and click, so says nothing>
**Telemarketer: **Um… hullo?
**Mangetout: **<wordlessly and faintly grunts>
**T: **Hello?
**M: **<wordlessly grunts slightly louder>
**T: **Hello? Is that Mr [very badly mispronounced version of Mangetout’s IRL name]?
**M: **<absently> No
<confused pause>
**T: **Hello?
**M: **<grunts>
**T: **Could I please speak to Mr [very badly mispronounced version of Mangetout’s IRL name]?
**M: **<softly> No
<embarrassed pause>
**T: **Is there a time I could call back to speak to Mr [very badly mispronounced version of Mangetout’s IRL name]?
**M: **<very softly> No
**T: **Oh. OK then, sorry to disturb you, but I wonder…
**M: **<hangs up>
I could get caller display, or block witheld numbers, but each of those options is chargeable and the telephone preference service is an optional scheme for the telemarketers, I think I’ll carry on with the grunting until a better option arises.
Oh, and the reason this is in the pit is because I did actually want to say that telemarketing is a scummy way to drum up business; I hereby make it known that I will actively avoid ever buying from any company if I receive a telemarketing call from or on behalf of it.
Personally, I prefer the “kill them with politeness and moral superiority” approach. As soon as they start their spiel, I (rudely) interrupt them and say, “Please put me on your do-not-call list, and have a great night!”
Heh-heh. Poor telemarketers. It’s their bosses who need the smack-down.
Considering that they deliberately run through their script so that they don’t take a breath, and you can’t get a word in edgewise, for 10 minutes, I don’t think interrupting them is actually rude.
I used to work with the developmentally disabled (aka mentally retarded) and one of the women we looked after could not form many words (mostly squeals, grunts, and so forth) but it made her day to get calls from family and we loved to see her on the phone. One day someone called, asking to talk with with this woman and giving me the impression (when I asked) that she was family. So I had the woman answer the phone. She seemed delighted, made the sounds that she usually made, then gradually got quiet (which is not normal when she’s talking to family members). I figured something was up so I took the phone and whoever had called had hung up.
Looking back, I am sure it was a telemarketer. (The woman’s name was listed in the phone book for legal reasons.) I don’t think she (the woman under our care) was upset by the call (which is obviously all that I cared about) but I assume that the telemarketer was mighty confused.
I love the TPS. Nearly every time i answered the phone it was a damn telemarketer. Since signing up to the TPS, via their web address, I haven’t been called at all. Highly recommended
It isn’t, but it’s more fun to wait paitiently through the whole thing, then say “What?”
Sometimes they’ll repeat the whole thing again, verbatim, to which you can once again say “What?” or “I’m sorry, I lost you right after you said your name. Could you repeat the rest?”
That said, the long distance ones are the best. I tell them that we don’t have a phone. Telemarketers sound so cute when they’re confused…
One of my proudest moments was when I once managed to get a Telemarketer to hang up on me! My tactic worked very well. Feel free to try it. Telemarketer: Hello, this is Stacy from Blah-Blah-Blah Long Distance. Can I please speak with bienville? bienville: Wow, Stacy, hi. You know I always get these calls at such bad times, but you actually caught me at the perfect time. T: Well, that’s good to hear, I’m glad I caught you at a good time. Well, I’d like to tell you about the Blah-Blah-Blah Long Distance plan. b: Mmmm, sounds great. You have a really nice voice. T: Thank you. Now, how much time do you spend talking Long Distance each month? b: Mmmm, a couple of hours I guess. Why don’t you just tell me all about your plan, then ask me questions when your done. For now just tell me all about your plan. I just want to hear you talk. T: Uh, O.K. Well, with the Blah-Blah-Blah Plan you get . . . b: Mmmm . . . T: As well as . . . In addition to . . . and with a low rate of . . . b: Mmmm . . . T: And depending on what plan works best for you . . . b: Mmmm, Stacy. T: Yes? b: What do you look like? T: What? b: What do you look like? T: Why do you need to know what I look like? b: Mmmm, you just have such a nice voice I was wondering what you look like. Nevermind, just keep telling me about the plan, just keep talking. T: What are you doing? b: Nothing, just keep talking, please keep talking T: You know what, maybe this isn’t the best time after all. b: No, really, Stacy, I swear to you this is the best time. T: Well, maybe we should call you at some other best time. b: No, wait, I’m sorry just keep talking. T: Goodbye! Give us a call if you need any more help!
<click>
I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’d lose much sleep over getting one of those jerks fired. If they had any human decency they wouldn’t be doing that job in the first place.
This just reminds me what a godsend the Do-Not-Call list is. I don’t even have to think about that shit anymore. Ya-hoo! And to think all of the doubters in this very forum were adamant that it would never work. Ha! If you live in the U.S., and you haven’t signed up, don’t waste any time doing it RIGHT NOW. If you don’t live in the U.S., and have to deal with telemarketers, I pity you.
Not bad, but I’ve achieved the same results with four simple words: “What are you wearing?” They can’t hang up fast enough, especially if they’re guys.
Fortunately most telemarketing calls don’t display a number on my phone and I just ignore them but recently I worked out that most start out:
Can I speak to Mr or Mrs …?
Enabling me to reply:
Certainly. This is … can you tell me which of our services you are calling about. The retirement investment seminar, the cheaper mortgage service, the security shutters perhaps or does your roof need painting. We have had a bit of a run on the accident insurance but we have some great phone plans and can still offer you a free holiday just for 2 hours of your time at one of our information evenings. When would you and your wife be available.
I led some poor guy on for 10-15 minutes by pretending to be interested in his credit card offer, and then when he was closing in for the kill I started going on about how I just filed for bankruptcy and how the car was just repo’ed, but I was glad that he called as I really really wanted a boat for the summer. (lies! all lies!)
He changed his mind and told me they didn’t have a card for someone with my financial status
